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Adnan_le_Terrible
* Dog in the Sand *
France
1973 Posts |
 Posted - 05/09/2004 : 14:30:13
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Yeah apl4eris, stop picking on HPM, he's in my club now.
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 05/09/2004 : 15:56:50
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Ok Padrone. You can have your clever boys club. I wouldn't want to join any club that would have me as a member anyway. 
But how many of you does it take to change the lightbulb in the other room?
I like people who glue macaroni on to a piece of cardboard and paint it gold. That's what I aspire to basically. - Tom Waits |
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 05/09/2004 : 16:42:55
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Little Tony was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th candy bar, a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little Tony replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little Tony answered, "No, he minded his own fucking business."
http://www.maybelogic.com/rawgov.html
I like people who glue macaroni on to a piece of cardboard and paint it gold. That's what I aspire to basically. - Tom Waits |
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Adnan_le_Terrible
* Dog in the Sand *
France
1973 Posts |
Posted - 05/09/2004 : 17:01:52
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We cannot change the lightbulb yet, Groucho! There are only two persons for the moment. As for the recruiting, we will take our time. First we gather some info about the applicant's past, his family etc. We're pretty much like free masons, only smarter.
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 05/10/2004 : 10:26:44
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quote:
Originally posted by apl4eris
Just a warning. No points have been removed this time, as you're in Padrone "di scacchi" Adnan's Clever Club now.
I like people who glue macaroni on to a piece of cardboard and paint it gold. That's what I aspire to basically. - Tom Waits
Phew! Close shave!
Hansel and Gretel have formed a band, .....And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Breadcrumbs!!! |
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 05/10/2004 : 10:28:46
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What does a donkey have for lunch?
Half an hour!
Hansel and Gretel have formed a band, .....And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Breadcrumbs!!! |
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Adnan_le_Terrible
* Dog in the Sand *
France
1973 Posts |
Posted - 05/10/2004 : 10:36:55
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Didn't get it.
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 05/10/2004 : 10:39:07
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Me neither. I smell a funky monkey.
Join the Cult of Nigritude Ultramarine / now optimized for your internet pleasure |
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Cult_Of_Frank
= Black Noise Maker =
Canada
11687 Posts |
Posted - 05/10/2004 : 10:52:41
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Those poor donkeys. And here I am getting a full hour.
Why do donkeys only get a half hour? I must join in the chorus of not quite getting it unless it's simply that you expect the answer to be food instead of time for a lunchbreak.
 "Join the Cult of Frank / And you'll be enlightened" |
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 05/10/2004 : 11:00:12
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I thought maybe HPM meant to say mule, and that the joke was translated from the french.
heures/hours/horse/hors doeuvre
Join the Cult of Nigritude Ultramarine / now optimized for your googling pleasure |
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offerw
* Dog in the Sand *
South Africa
1264 Posts |
Posted - 05/10/2004 : 11:08:55
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Two 10 year olds are playing in the parking lot outside the mall. A strange man in an overcoat walks up to them, he gives them a soda, strokes their hair and gives them a sly wink. He leaves. A week later he is back, this time he gives them some candy, strokes their hair, he salivates a bit but then leaves. A week later, yep, he is back again. This time it is chocolate, stroking their hair, moaning softly but again he leaves. As he walks away the one 10 year old nudges the other and says: "Hey, if he ain't gonna fuck us soon we'll end up with diabetes"
wilhelm |
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 05/10/2004 : 11:51:26
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I am absolutely gobsmacked that none of you got the joke. It would seem that Adnan's club will remain two-strong for some time!!!
Hansel and Gretel have formed a band, .....And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Breadcrumbs!!! |
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ProverbialCereal
- FB TabMaster -
USA
2953 Posts |
Posted - 05/10/2004 : 12:17:56
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I didn't get your lame joke, HPM.
How are you in Adnan's club if he didn't get your joke either?
Just quit a cult / going through withdrawal |
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 05/10/2004 : 12:51:35
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He can be forgiven this one time!!! I think I may be the president of club now though!!!
Hansel and Gretel have formed a band, .....And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Breadcrumbs!!! |
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therewererumours
* Dog in the Sand *
Ireland
1240 Posts |
Posted - 05/10/2004 : 13:20:38
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Whats the opposite of Christopher Reeves?
Christopher Walken
He's coming to save your mind and town |
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 05/10/2004 : 13:49:58
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That's low!!!
Hansel and Gretel have formed a band, .....And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Breadcrumbs!!! |
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 05/10/2004 : 13:54:45
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NO, it's lame.
Harharhar |
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therewererumours
* Dog in the Sand *
Ireland
1240 Posts |
Posted - 05/10/2004 : 13:55:29
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Just staying with the level of most of the jokes here and whether it's low or not, it's still a fact!
He's coming to save your mind and town |
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 05/10/2004 : 14:02:07
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Well it's not actually a fact but I catch your drift.
So I said to the to this train driver "I want to go to Paris".
He said "Eurostar?"
I said "I've been on T.V but I'm no Dean Martin".
Hansel and Gretel have formed a band, .....And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Breadcrumbs!!! |
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ShakeyShake
* Dog in the Sand *
United Kingdom
1058 Posts |
Posted - 05/11/2004 : 12:06:51
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WHat do you call a model with a yeast infection?
A quarter pounder with cheese
"I joined the Cult of this guy / 'cause they took my other picture away |
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speedy_m
= Frankofile =
Canada
3581 Posts |
Posted - 05/11/2004 : 12:18:18
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This is my all time favourite joke, but it's better heard than read.
A pony walk into a bar and says the to the bartender, in a scratchy, low, quiet voice:
"Can I get a beer?"
The bartender says, "excuse me?"
The pony repeats in his rough little voice,
"Can I get a beer?"
The bartender replys,
"I'm sorry, I can't understand you"
So the pony says,
"You'll have to excuse me, I'm a little hoarse". |
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 05/11/2004 : 12:23:42
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OK. On that note, here is a two-part joke I made up when I was about 3 or 4 years old. I thought it was [attention Adnan!] "the bees knees", everyone else then and now, doesn't seem to get it. This involves audience participation. Whoever is around, please respond (ala a knock-knock joke):
What do you call a dog with a fever? |
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speedy_m
= Frankofile =
Canada
3581 Posts |
Posted - 05/11/2004 : 12:27:37
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| "I don't know, what do you call a dog with a fever?" |
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 05/11/2004 : 12:33:00
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Thanks for playing, speedy, you rock, and you always save the day. I picture Mighty Mouse.
Answer:
A hotdog!
Ok, 2nd part:
What do you call a duck with a cold? |
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Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
Posted - 05/11/2004 : 12:34:54
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| A lame duck? |
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 05/11/2004 : 12:37:35
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Close!....
An icecube!!!!!!!
cue pleased-as-punch-3-yr-old overboard laughter. |
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 05/11/2004 : 12:40:43
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Thank you for playing, as well, Carolynanna! I'm sorry that your part of the joke was probably less than satisfying for you. I was a weird kid with a questionable sense of humor. Much like most kids. I love 'em!
edit: weird spellign |
Edited by - apl4eris on 05/11/2004 12:58:28 |
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 05/11/2004 : 14:04:08
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So I said to the gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?"
He said "How felxible are you?"
I said "I can't make Tuesdays".
Hansel and Gretel have formed a band, .....And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Breadcrumbs!!! |
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SpudBoy
= Cult of Ray =
Equatorial Guinea
649 Posts |
Posted - 05/11/2004 : 17:38:03
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HPM, are you grabbing this stuff off of channel 4? If not maybe you should start writing for them. "The Tousseled Vicarage" or some such rot...
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fudd
= Cult of Ray =
664 Posts |
Posted - 05/11/2004 : 21:22:27
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Don't get the icecube one.
I've never fallen in love but I've stepped in it a couple of times. (Rita Rudner)
A psychiatrist's receptionist says "There's a man here who thinks he's invisible." The doctor replies "Tell him I'm sorry but I can't see him." |
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speedy_m
= Frankofile =
Canada
3581 Posts |
Posted - 05/12/2004 : 01:08:13
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| I always save the day? Mighty Mouse? Could today be the greatest day of my life? Sadly, yes. Yes it is. And all it took was perplexing praise from apl and comparison to fictional cartoon mouse who could fly. It's no wonder I'm such a mack with the ladies. And by the way apl, my joke is the greatest of all time, so you just mind your pints and quarters. |
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 05/12/2004 : 06:51:58
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quote:
Originally posted by speedy_m
I always save the day! It's no wonder I'm such a mack with the ladies.
 quote:
Originally posted by fudd
Don't get the icecube one.
Does no one understand me? Kafka was right. |
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Adnan_le_Terrible
* Dog in the Sand *
France
1973 Posts |
Posted - 05/12/2004 : 07:12:37
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I like Kafka very much, but how does it help us if we want to understand the icecube joke?
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vilainde
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Niue
7443 Posts |
Posted - 05/12/2004 : 07:26:16
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This one's easy to understand. And cute, too:
Q: Why do women wear make-up and perfume?
A: Because they're ugly and they smell.
Denis
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 05/12/2004 : 07:31:30
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<rimshot> for Adnan!
I would say nothing at all, but a quick search brought up some intriguing connections.
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Edited by - apl4eris on 05/12/2004 07:32:28 |
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Topic |
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JOKES!!!
