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Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
 Posted - 09/07/2004 : 09:42:07
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This is a joke that was in the local newspaper the other day;
Two women meet at the pearly gates.
"Hi. My name is Wanda."
"Hi. I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?"
"I froze to death."
"How horrible."
"It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I became warm and sleepy. Finally I died a peaceful death. What about you?"
"I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected my husband was cheating on me, so I came home early to catch him. But he was alone, watching TV."
"So what happened?"
"I was sure a woman was somewhere in the house. I ran up to the attic, down to the basement, checked every closet, under the beds. I so exhausted myself that my heart gave out. I keeled over and died."
"I wish you'd checked the freezer. We'd both be alive."
I don't know guys.
I'm not sure I get it.
Is there something funny about this joke?
__________
"The things that will destroy us are: politics without principle; pleasure without conscience; wealth without work; knowledge without character; business without morality; science without humanity,
and worship without sacrifice." |
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benji
> Teenager of the Year <
New Zealand
3426 Posts |
Posted - 09/07/2004 : 09:44:34
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certainly made me laugh.
much better than the usual 'local newspaper joke' fare.
 Join the Cult of Cartman! Respect my Authoritaah!!! |
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Cult_Of_Frank
= Black Noise Maker =
Canada
11687 Posts |
Posted - 09/07/2004 : 09:49:03
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Yeah, 'tis funny, C! You've got a case of the Tuesdays or something? :P
 "Join the Cult of Frank 2.0 / And you'll be enlightened (free for 1.x members)" |
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Cheeseman1000
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Iceland
8201 Posts |
Posted - 09/07/2004 : 09:57:53
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c'mon boring Caroly. That so is funny.
 Join the cult of floop/get a free holiday in London |
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ramona
"FB Quote Mistress"
USA
3988 Posts |
Posted - 09/07/2004 : 10:01:44
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It's kinda funny. I got it, which is surprising.
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I gave myself to Jesus, and now he never calls. |
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Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
Posted - 09/07/2004 : 10:02:23
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So the mistress decided to hide in the freezer
and then stayed there until she died?
Boring?! Well I never! Awk!
I guess it is a case of the Tuesdays (D you jackass ;)
__________
"The things that will destroy us are: politics without principle; pleasure without conscience; wealth without work; knowledge without character; business without morality; science without humanity,
and worship without sacrifice." |
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 09/07/2004 : 10:17:19
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quote:
Originally posted by Carolynanna
So the mistress decided to hide in the freezer
and then stayed there until she died?
Or the husband put her there...
That was my first assumption. Is that morbid of me? |
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Cult_Of_Frank
= Black Noise Maker =
Canada
11687 Posts |
Posted - 09/07/2004 : 10:18:04
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quote:
Originally posted by Carolynanna
Awk!
You keep saying that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
Also, nothing's fun when you distill it to its basic essence.
"Join the Cult of Frank 2.0 / And you'll be enlightened (free for 1.x members)" |
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Cheeseman1000
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Iceland
8201 Posts |
Posted - 09/07/2004 : 10:26:39
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Join the cult of floop/get a free holiday in London |
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Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
Posted - 09/07/2004 : 10:33:03
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See that's what I thought firstoff apl, then I would find it offensive, and not really funny at all.
Yes I know Awk is a bird,
but I like to use it in mock indignation.
Like the mad face guy that HPM has since claimed for himself as the angry strawberry.
__________
"The things that will destroy us are: politics without principle; pleasure without conscience; wealth without work; knowledge without character; business without morality; science without humanity,
and worship without sacrifice." |
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 09/07/2004 : 11:08:56
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'Mad face guy'? That's angry strawberry to you.
Oh and why isn't this joke in my Jokes topic?
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Live every day as if it were your last. Eventually you'll be right
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Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
Posted - 09/07/2004 : 11:12:35
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Because I wasn't sure it was funny.
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"The things that will destroy us are: politics without principle; pleasure without conscience; wealth without work; knowledge without character; business without morality; science without humanity,
and worship without sacrifice." |
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 09/07/2004 : 12:22:48
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Did you not notice that it hasn't stopped the rest of us, especially me.
Well anyway, I thought it was funny.
_________________________________________________________
Live every day as if it were your last. Eventually you'll be right
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darwin
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
USA
5454 Posts |
Posted - 09/07/2004 : 12:26:59
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Auk is a bird
The joke made me laugh. It's amazing that it was in a newspaper. |
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Cult_Of_Frank
= Black Noise Maker =
Canada
11687 Posts |
Posted - 09/07/2004 : 12:30:31
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I only use awk for awkward. I also quote Princess Bride.
"Join the Cult of Frank 2.0 / And you'll be enlightened (free for 1.x members)" |
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Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
Posted - 09/07/2004 : 12:43:51
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I suppose it depends on how she got into the freezer then.
I still don't think its that funny.
__________
"The things that will destroy us are: politics without principle; pleasure without conscience; wealth without work; knowledge without character; business without morality; science without humanity,
and worship without sacrifice." |
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 09/07/2004 : 13:12:35
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She got in there 'cos she was hiding from his wife. Not exactly hilarious, but not too bad.
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Live every day as if it were your last. Eventually you'll be right
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darwin
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
USA
5454 Posts |
Posted - 09/07/2004 : 13:17:58
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| It wouldn't be funny if the way she died was probable (like being strangled or bludgeoned with a candlestick), but since she couldn't really die in a regular freezer we're allowed to laugh. |
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Cult_Of_Frank
= Black Noise Maker =
Canada
11687 Posts |
Posted - 09/07/2004 : 13:36:09
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Yes. It could also have been funny if on first seeing each other, one had asked, "Mom, what are you doing here?"
"Join the Cult of Frank 2.0 / And you'll be enlightened (free for 1.x members)" |
Edited by - Cult_Of_Frank on 09/07/2004 13:38:49 |
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ShakeyShake
* Dog in the Sand *
United Kingdom
1058 Posts |
Posted - 09/07/2004 : 13:41:44
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Heh,very good
"I joined the Cult of this guy / 'cause they took my other picture away |
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Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
Posted - 09/07/2004 : 13:43:22
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This is the columnist.
He always starts off with a joke.
http://www.canoe.ca/NewsStand/Columnists/Edmonton/Graham_Hicks/home.html
__________
"The things that will destroy us are: politics without principle; pleasure without conscience; wealth without work; knowledge without character; business without morality; science without humanity,
and worship without sacrifice." |
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vilainde
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Niue
7443 Posts |
Posted - 09/08/2004 : 02:50:04
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quote:
Originally posted by Cult_Of_Frank
I only use awk for awkward. I also quote Princess Bride.
Nice! I always quote Princess Bride too.
Denis
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n/a
deleted
4894 Posts |
Posted - 09/08/2004 : 08:59:23
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The princess bride is the greatest, are we talking book or film here 'cos I adores both, was suckered by the book like a fool, I wish he'd written buttercups baby
the room smelled like cupids gym
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Black_francis_
- FB Fan -
United Kingdom
157 Posts |
Posted - 09/08/2004 : 11:34:43
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| thats the best joke ive ever heard |
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Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
Posted - 09/08/2004 : 11:59:43
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'Best Joke' may be going a little far.
__________
"The things that will destroy us are: politics without principle; pleasure without conscience; wealth without work; knowledge without character; business without morality; science without humanity,
and worship without sacrifice." |
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 09/08/2004 : 13:52:49
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'A little far' may be understating it a little.
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Live every day as if it were your last. Eventually you'll be right
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Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
Posted - 09/20/2004 : 12:53:37
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There's a couple more in that column I thought were funny,
Arbitrator: A cook who leaves Arby's for McDonald's.
Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.
Bernadette: The act of torching a mortgage.
Burglarize: What a crook sees with.
Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
Heroes: What a guy in a boat does.
Misty: How golfers create divots.
Paradox: Two physicians.
Pharmacist: A helper on the farm.
Polarize: What penguins see with.
Primate: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
Relief: What trees do in the spring.
Seamstress: Describes 120 kg squeezed into a size 6.
Selfish: What the owner of a seafood store does
__________
"The things that will destroy us are: politics without principle; pleasure without conscience; wealth without work; knowledge without character; business without morality; science without humanity,
and worship without sacrifice." |
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Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
Posted - 09/20/2004 : 12:54:22
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The woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he asked her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there.
"When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side ... You know what?"
"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck."
__________
"The things that will destroy us are: politics without principle; pleasure without conscience; wealth without work; knowledge without character; business without morality; science without humanity,
and worship without sacrifice." |
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Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
Posted - 09/20/2004 : 12:55:23
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George Bush visited a elementary school in the U.S.
After his talk he asked if there were questions.
One little boy put up his hand.
"Mr. President, my name is Billy. I have three questions.
"First, why did the U.S. invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you president when Al Gore got more votes?
"Third, what happened to Osama bin Laden?"
Just then the bell rang for recess.
After recess the president continued with the question period. Another little boy put up his hand.
"Mr. President, my name is Steve. I have five questions.
"First, why did the U.S. invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
"Second, why are you president when Al Gore got more votes?
"Third, what happened to Osama bin Laden?
"Fourth, why did the recess bell ring 20 minutes early?
"And fifth, what happened to Billy?"
__________
"The things that will destroy us are: politics without principle; pleasure without conscience; wealth without work; knowledge without character; business without morality; science without humanity,
and worship without sacrifice." |
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realmeanmotorscutor
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1764 Posts |
Posted - 09/26/2004 : 09:41:40
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hehehe, I just saw this last joke. Good stuff :)
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Newo
~ Abstract Brain ~
Spain
2674 Posts |
Posted - 09/26/2004 : 09:56:26
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First joke, like Aitch Pee Em sez, not hilarious but yeah one of those ones sends mildly pleasurable tremors on your chest.
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Jódete, tío,
Que se joda tu hermana,
Que se joda tu hermano,
Que se joda tu madre,
Que se joda tu tía,
¡Porque soy policia!
Que se jodas, currante,
Que se joda tu perro,
Que se joda tu hijo,
Que se joda tu amante,
No me pidas razónes,
Soy el Hombre ¡cojones! |
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TarTar
* Dog in the Sand *
1965 Posts |
Posted - 09/30/2004 : 05:25:01
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So a male ant is walking through the forest and comes upon a female elephant with a thorn in her foot, in obvious pain. "Can you help me?" she asks. I'll do anything if you can get this thorn out of my foot." The ant wraps his arms around the thorn and pulls it out. "Oh, thank you! What can I do for you?" the elephant asks. "Well, I've never had sex with an elephant before," says the ant. "Oh, sure, go ahead," replies the elephant.
So the ant starts crawling up the back of her leg, gets into position, and sticks it in her. Meanwhile, a monkey in a nearby coconut tree sees all this and bursts into hysterical fits of laughter, knocking a coconut out of the tree right onto the elephant's head. "OUCH!" she screams. "Yeah! Take it all, bitch!" says the ant.
Inna zany combination of Wayne's Pet Youngin'! |
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n/a
deleted
4894 Posts |
Posted - 09/30/2004 : 06:09:49
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*groan*
I look like the kind of guy who pimps his sister not just for the money, but because he hates her
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TarTar
* Dog in the Sand *
1965 Posts |
Posted - 09/30/2004 : 06:12:25
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That's why it goes in the "Funny?" (note the question mark) section.
Inna zany combination of Wayne's Pet Youngin'! |
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n/a
deleted
4894 Posts |
Posted - 09/30/2004 : 06:24:41
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it all suddenly makes sense
( )
I look like the kind of guy who pimps his sister not just for the money, but because he hates her
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GypsyDeath
Zapped Profile
3575 Posts |
Posted - 09/30/2004 : 07:46:43
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I thought the pearly gates joke was quite funny, Because I didnt guess the ending right away.
The ant joke sucks, the bush joke is quite funny. 'its funny cos its true!!'
God forbid I exude confidence and enjoy sex |
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Funny?
