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Jesus
- FB Fan -
USA
24 Posts |
 Posted - 09/04/2004 : 14:48:05
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Hi, it's me, Jesus. Charles has advised me to check this site out so I have!
So, guys, what do you think about the reunion. It kinda sucks now, huh? I say bring back the Catholics!
Btw, if any of you have any questions...I'm feeling kinda chatty right now. |
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ramona
"FB Quote Mistress"
USA
3988 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 14:53:55
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Hi, Jesus! How come you never call me (see my signature)?
So, do you work like an oracle or are you just here for other big questions?
_____________________________________________________________________
I gave myself to Jesus, and now he never calls. |
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Jesus
- FB Fan -
USA
24 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 14:58:39
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| Hey Emily! I know I may have disappointed you, but the thing is, I never use telephones. I'm thinking about getting one of those Nokia cell phones though. They put little cameras inside, so you can take pictures and all. |
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Daisy Girl
~ Abstract Brain ~
Belize
5305 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 15:00:23
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| Welcome to the board! I don't know.... are you saying that you are Jesus (pronounced GEE-zuhs)aka the guy who appears on South Park every once in awhile or Jesus (pronounced HEY-soos)? Just wondering if you are claiming to be a religious icon or just some dude. And if you happen to be the guys who guest stars on South Park... what am I praying right now?? Cheers! |
Edited by - Daisy Girl on 09/04/2004 15:09:41 |
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 15:03:31
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| Howdy, Jesus. Are the lyrics in that song by King Missile really true? |
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Jesus
- FB Fan -
USA
24 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 15:11:16
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Dear Jennifer, it's all true, except that line about dancing better than Barishnikov. I'm not a good dancer. Perhaps I should take some lessons. What do you think?
Daisy, what's really puzzling you is the nature of my game. |
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Daisy Girl
~ Abstract Brain ~
Belize
5305 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 15:14:50
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| Darn, you're good Jesus! I mean you are so cool! I am one of your biggest fans! When are you going to be back on South Park??? Also, to ask the question for many people here when are the Catholics going to tour again... I mean as in Frank Black and the Catholics not the Franciscans and Jesuits. Also... do they listen to rock music in Heaven? If so what does everyone listen to? |
Edited by - Daisy Girl on 09/04/2004 15:16:54 |
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Jesus
- FB Fan -
USA
24 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 15:25:32
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I'm glad you like me Daisy, I like you too.
What's really good about heaven is that it's pretty much the land of the free (not the home of the brave, that's Walhalla) - you can listen to the music you really like. And you can download it for free.
I can't tell you anything about the Catholics, sorry. It's against my deontology. |
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 15:31:11
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quote:
Originally posted by Jesus
I'm not a good dancer. Perhaps I should take some lessons. What do you think?
Nah. I don't care much about your dancing skills (c'mon, you should know that, Jesus!).
quote:
Originally posted by Jesus
Dear Jennifer, it's all true...
Wanna come hang out at our house? We've got lots of flour in the pantry, and a pretty big pool if you feel like practicing your hobby. Speaking of your hobby, can you do the moonwalk? That counts as good dancing in my book. I'd bet you could cut a fair rug doin' the robot.
quote:
Originally posted by Jesus
...better than Barishnikov.
Why do they spell things differently in heaven? Is it because God is an Anglophile (maybe an obvious question, but I'd hope that no questions are stupid to you)? Does God have a lisp?
You don't mind that I quoted you, do you? If not, I think I'm going to write a book.
Do you believe that art and artists are necessary for a healthy society? What kind of art do you like? Are you mad at Michelangelo?
Oh, and Daisy asked my only other pressing question. Thanks. |
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Cheeseman1000
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Iceland
8201 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 15:58:09
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Eight year olds, dude.
Kind regards,
Dr. Simon
Specialist In Broken Hearts |
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Jesus
- FB Fan -
USA
24 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 15:58:47
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Jennifer,
Some of your questions are very interesting and profound, some seem to be more of a provocation (I am sure you can do better than that). I will only answer those that belong to the first category.
I am not mad at Michelangelo (or anyone, for that matter).
What is a healthy society? Is art necessary FOR something? Read Plato. Then Ibn Arabi. Then Heidegger. Then Bachelard.
I enjoy art. What KIND of art? That's a tough question. I like Frank Black.
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SpudBoy
= Cult of Ray =
Equatorial Guinea
649 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 15:59:05
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Was there a learning curve with the miracles? I mean, did you ever try to walk on water and wind up taking a wine bath for instance? Can you also walk on wine? Are you sad that modern christianity makes an idol of you, rather than acting to emulate your intentions, or do you like the groupies?
*festoon* |
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Jesus
- FB Fan -
USA
24 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 16:02:32
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quote:
Originally posted by Cheeseman1000
Eight year olds, dude.
Kind regards,
Dr. Simon
Specialist In Broken Hearts
Simon,
What's up, kiddo?
I have to disappoint you, buddy, I don't like bowling very much. But we can always play cricket. |
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Jesus
- FB Fan -
USA
24 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 16:11:01
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Mr Eris,
Read the Paradox of monotheism, by Henry Corbin. |
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 16:14:34
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quote:
Originally posted by Jesus
Jennifer,
Some of your questions are very interesting and profound, some seem to be more of a provocation (I am sure you can do better than that). I will only answer those that belong to the first category.
I am not mad at Michelangelo (or anyone, for that matter).
What is a healthy society? Is art necessary FOR something? Read Plato. Then Ibn Arabi. Then Heidegger. Then Bachelard.
I enjoy art. What KIND of art? That's a tough question. I like Frank Black.
Well, thanks for answering the King Missile question, anyway. I guess you won't be hanging out at our house then.
One last question, though. Ok, three. What gender are you, and did you have sexual relations, and maybe children, with anyone? If so, who? |
Edited by - apl4eris on 09/04/2004 16:17:36 |
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SpudBoy
= Cult of Ray =
Equatorial Guinea
649 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 16:17:11
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Ok so that covers his analysis of the last question, but I was really looking for your own opinion (are you saying that you generally agree with the assessment?), and personal experience in the first few. Please enlighten me.
*festoon* |
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Daisy Girl
~ Abstract Brain ~
Belize
5305 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 16:30:27
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Jesus, you rock man! Free music!
So when I prayed as a teenager that I would do anything if you got the Pixies back together... what is that anything ... dare I ask?? I did quit smoking :)
Also did it just take that long for you to get to my prayer, or are you really more of a FB&C's fan and you were preventing the P's reunion all along?
Here are some more questions if you have time:
Does God really look like Alantis Morrisette? And does the Muse look like Sylma H.? And are you really of African ancestry like Chris Rock says?
Also, have you seen FB & the C's or the Pixies live in concert? If so what were your favorite shows?
Finally, if you are going to the Minneapolis shows, we could meet up before hand and I could buy you a beer.
Thanks, Jesus
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Edited by - Daisy Girl on 09/04/2004 16:35:45 |
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Jesus
- FB Fan -
USA
24 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 16:30:31
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I repeat
I
did not
have
sexual relations
with that woman
I could enlighten you, Spud, but it would take pages and pages. Here is a hint :
When you say "Lord", it means God is your master, you are just as necessary as Him in that relationship. God cannot be reached if he is pure transcendency. Hence religio. A link. Hence incarnation. |
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Erebus
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1834 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 16:31:35
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Who are you? What have you sacrificed?
Do you think you are what they say you are?
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VoVat
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
USA
9168 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 16:31:47
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Jesus lives in Portland? Who knew? Maybe the Mormons are right after all!
Oh, by the way, Jesus, was your mother actually a perpetual virgin?
Brick is red, and Hitler's dead. Hang me! |
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Jesus
- FB Fan -
USA
24 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 16:35:35
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Daisy,
I don't like meeting my fans in real life, let's keep this an internet relation, ok? |
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Jesus
- FB Fan -
USA
24 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 16:36:19
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quote:
Originally posted by VoVat
Jesus lives in Portland? Who knew? Maybe the Mormons are right after all!
Oh, by the way, Jesus, was your mother actually a perpetual virgin?
Brick is red, and Hitler's dead. Hang me!
Isn't yours? |
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Daisy Girl
~ Abstract Brain ~
Belize
5305 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 16:36:24
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| J-Dog...Gee, ok.. but thanks again for answering my prayer :) |
Edited by - Daisy Girl on 09/04/2004 16:37:01 |
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SpudBoy
= Cult of Ray =
Equatorial Guinea
649 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 16:37:03
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Focus, Jesus - focus! Will it take a miracle to divine that you are not answering the question I asked? Man, leave it to Jesus to cop out. Kids always fuck up the family business.
*festoon* |
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Jesus
- FB Fan -
USA
24 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 16:37:27
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quote:
Originally posted by Erebus
Who are you? What have you sacrificed?
Do you think you are what they say you are?
Do they say I am what they think I am? |
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Jesus
- FB Fan -
USA
24 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 16:43:06
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quote:
Originally posted by SpudBoy
Focus, Jesus - focus! Will it take a miracle to divine that you are not answering the question I asked? Man, leave it to Jesus to cop out. Kids always fuck up the family business.
*festoon*
I only answered the relevant part of your question because I believe you are more "noteworthy" than the rest of your question. Am I wrong? |
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Daisy Girl
~ Abstract Brain ~
Belize
5305 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 16:50:10
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So what were you REALLY doing out in the wilderness?  |
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Jesus
- FB Fan -
USA
24 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 16:55:19
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| How can I prove that I am actually Jesus? |
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Thomas
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1615 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 16:57:11
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Repent! 
"Our Love is Rice and Beans and Horses Lard" |
Edited by - Thomas on 09/04/2004 16:57:37 |
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Daisy Girl
~ Abstract Brain ~
Belize
5305 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 17:03:38
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| Can you preform a miracle...??? Like make the Cubs win the World Series? |
Edited by - Daisy Girl on 09/04/2004 17:05:26 |
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Jesus
- FB Fan -
USA
24 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 17:05:41
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quote:
Originally posted by Daisy Girl
Can you preform a miracle...???
Unfortunately, all I can do is postform miracles.
You're a good girl Daisy, see you in heaven! |
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Daisy Girl
~ Abstract Brain ~
Belize
5305 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 17:09:22
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| Well I hope at least I see you on South Park a few more times before I finally meet up you you and the big guy/gal in heaven. Have a good one Jesus . |
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darwin
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
USA
5454 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 17:41:17
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| Hey Jesus, how's it hanging? |
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Jose Jones
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1758 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 17:48:57
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did mel's movie bring back painful memories for you, and have you accepted jim caveziel as your lord and savior?
-dan |
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floop
= Wannabe Volunteer =
Mexico
15297 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 18:04:26
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jesus, if you can turn water into wine does that mean you can also turn water into beer?
want to come to my house this weekend? i'm barbequing.
ist es möglich für ein quesadilla skrotum zu lecken? beim sprechen der quesadillas von LBF, ja. ja in der tatheheheheheheehehee! |
Edited by - floop on 09/04/2004 18:09:13 |
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2004 : 18:31:54
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I'm willing to give you another chance.
Jesus, do you know how to play banjo? If so, can you please teach me? The internet as a banjo-learning resource has proven to be a vast wasteland, so I'm pretty disappointed right now. It would rock to learn banjo from the Savior.
Have you seen "Harold and Maude"? What did you think of it? |
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Jesus says hello
