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Adnan_le_Terrible
* Dog in the Sand *
France
1973 Posts |
 Posted - 03/05/2004 : 03:39:50
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I received this by e-mail, it makes sense :
The Beer Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to
the drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has acquired a
large batch of these magical devices. The Beer Scooter works in the
following fashion:
The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring
gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many
sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Beer
Scooter. The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in
their bedroom via a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to
run, so a large portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as
payment. This answers the second question after a night out 'How did
I spend so much money?' Unfortunately, Beer Scooters have a poor
safety record and are thought to be responsible for over 90% of all
UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries).
An undocumented feature of the beer scooter is the destruction of time
segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals
dictates that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for. This
answers a third question after a night out 'What the hell happened?'
With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of
Embarrassing Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in
descending order, those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately
one person's REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of another and quite
often lost time is regained in discussions over a period of time.
Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the
scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending the passenger
to the wrong bedroom, often with horrific consequences.
With recent models including a GPS, Bacchus made an investment in a
scooter drive-thru chain specializing in half eaten kebabs and pizza
crusts. Another question answered!!
For the family man, Beer Scooters come equipped with flowers picked
from other people's garden and Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending).
These boots are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you
tip-toe up the stairs, you are sure to wake up your other half.
Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall in
the house and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System)
explains the bruised shins.
The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is the
TAS (Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can
apparently get through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night.
PS: Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably
get home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a
T-shirt.
Have some wine, please, don't run away. |
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Beer Scooter
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Catholics
