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kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
 Posted - 07/19/2005 : 19:23:10
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This year's Darwin award winners are:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried
the trigger again. This time it worked.....
And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men
to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The
chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had
taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from
Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the
driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the
staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he
could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter,
and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled
a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly
provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20
bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15.
If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at
the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of
Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed
her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able
to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the
police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to
the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there
for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's
the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded
cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk
said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
A 5-Star Stupidity Award Winner:
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at
the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to
steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank
by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that
it was the best laugh he'd had in years.
Sometimes, no matter how shitty things get, you have to just do a little dance. - Frank
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scruvs
= Cult of Ray =
353 Posts |
Posted - 07/19/2005 : 21:10:50
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it's just wrong.
_____________________
Boy, you sure can holler. |
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starmekitten
-= Forum Pistolera =-
United Kingdom
6370 Posts |
Posted - 07/20/2005 : 01:35:15
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After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
this one made me chuckle
and you're questioning the sciences
and questioning religion
you're looking like an idiot
and you no longer care.
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Surfer Rosa
> Teenager of the Year <
4209 Posts |
Posted - 07/20/2005 : 02:14:14
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quote:
Originally posted by starmekitten
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
this one made me chuckle
and you're questioning the sciences
and questioning religion
you're looking like an idiot
and you no longer care.
my favourite
The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it. |
Edited by - Surfer Rosa on 07/20/2005 02:19:16 |
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Newo
~ Abstract Brain ~
Spain
2674 Posts |
Posted - 07/20/2005 : 04:36:13
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The Swiss chef one reminds me of when my brother was in furniture design college a guy came to give a safety talk on a new piece of equipment with a blade triggered by an electronic beam which he lost a hand in then by reflex used the other hand to grab the severed one and lost that too.
--
Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to corner the fish market and marvel at the small acts of philanthropy he commits while depriving most of the world of fish. |
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bazza
* Dog in the Sand *
Ireland
1439 Posts |
Posted - 07/20/2005 : 08:34:58
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These are fantastic Kathryn. If anybody has previous years could you post them or mail them to me please?
Maybe, just once, someone will call me "sir" without adding, "you're making a scene."
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Doog
* Dog in the Sand *
United Kingdom
1220 Posts |
Posted - 07/20/2005 : 09:06:01
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quote:
Originally posted by Newo
The Swiss chef one reminds me of when my brother was in furniture design college a guy came to give a safety talk on a new piece of equipment with a blade triggered by an electronic beam which he lost a hand in then by reflex used the other hand to grab the severed one and lost that too.
www.myspace.com/doog - www.doog.tk |
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Doog
* Dog in the Sand *
United Kingdom
1220 Posts |
Posted - 07/20/2005 : 09:06:31
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quote:
Originally posted by Newo
The Swiss chef one reminds me of when my brother was in furniture design college a guy came to give a safety talk on a new piece of equipment with a blade triggered by an electronic beam which he lost a hand in then by reflex used the other hand to grab the severed one and lost that too.
www.myspace.com/doog - www.doog.tk |
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darwin
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
USA
5454 Posts |
Posted - 07/20/2005 : 09:11:40
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| Aren't people suppose to die in stupid accidents to get a Darwin? I only see one self-inflicted fatality. Not enough dumb deaths this year? Hard to believe. |
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TRANSMARINE
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
2002 Posts |
Posted - 07/20/2005 : 09:19:36
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When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd had in years.
This one hits too close to home.
I was alone...in my BIG BED
-bRIAN |
Edited by - TRANSMARINE on 07/20/2005 09:21:16 |
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Carl
- A 'Fifth' Catholic -
Ireland
11546 Posts |
Posted - 07/20/2005 : 10:05:33
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| ...And that guy had the best puke in years! :D |
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kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
Posted - 07/20/2005 : 10:21:38
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quote:
Originally posted by bazza
These are fantastic Kathryn. If anybody has previous years could you post them or mail them to me please?
http://forum.frankblack.net/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=9051
My own version of such a story:
As a reporter, I was assigned to write about a major mall being shut down the day before Christmas. They closed it so authorities could clean up after a hunter sitting in his truck reached around to grab his cigarettes out of his back pocket and accidentally set off the gunshot hanging in the rack -- and blew off his own head. A cop friend of mine let me look at the splattered gray matter inside the truck's cab.
Sometimes, no matter how shitty things get, you have to just do a little dance. - Frank
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Edited by - kathryn on 07/20/2005 10:26:23 |
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bazza
* Dog in the Sand *
Ireland
1439 Posts |
Posted - 07/21/2005 : 02:33:05
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excellent. thanks a million Kathryn.
Maybe, just once, someone will call me "sir" without adding, "you're making a scene."
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Carl
- A 'Fifth' Catholic -
Ireland
11546 Posts |
Posted - 07/21/2005 : 09:55:36
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| Yeah, they're amazing. Only got around to reading them all now! |
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The 2005 Darwin awards
