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floop
= Wannabe Volunteer =
Mexico
15297 Posts |
 Posted - 04/01/2005 : 14:27:46
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what do you guys think? i have mixed feelings about the matter.. on the one hand, i think people are better off in a long-term relationship (be that "marriage" or whatever you want to call it).. but then there are undeniable pros to not being married too.
and with the divorce rate at 60% now, marriage is holding less water as a sacred institution.
i'm not married at this time. and it's not to say i won't ever get married. but i think this marrying-because-it-seems-like-the-thing-to-do stuff is for the birds. not refering to any married couples here, since i don't know you.. but i do personally know people who are married that i can honestly say they shouldn't be.
ist es möglich für ein quesadilla skrotum zu lecken? beim sprechen der quesadillas von LBF, ja. ja in der tatheheheheheheehehee! |
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BLT
> Teenager of the Year <
South Sandwich Islands
4204 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2005 : 14:35:37
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I dig marriage.
But don't get married if you're one of those people who freaks out about it.
 "Join the Cult of Dan Haggerty / And star in low budget mountain man films" |
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Cheeseman1000
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Iceland
8201 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2005 : 14:36:01
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I want to get married at some point I guess. I don't really see the point in declaring eternal love and obedience to someone, however, that you would be prepared to leave should the going get tough. Therefore, I would have to wait until I was absolutely 100% sure that I wanted to marry this person. I guess it's very old-fashioned (and I'm not commenting on anyone's situation here, just my own), I just don't hold with divorce unless it's really serious.
So. Any volunteers?
 I'm like a lost snail in the night. |
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floop
= Wannabe Volunteer =
Mexico
15297 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2005 : 14:40:38
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i don't freak out about it. i just like to consider all possibilities. i'm not anti-marriage at all. i see myself getting married someday, if i find myself with the right person and it organically moves that direction. but if it didn't, i'd like to think it wouldn't be the end of the world.
i think so many people, when they get to a certain age, just want to be married, to be married. and i think because of this social pressure, plenty of couples get married for the wrong reasons.
ist es möglich für ein quesadilla skrotum zu lecken? beim sprechen der quesadillas von LBF, ja. ja in der tatheheheheheheehehee! |
Edited by - floop on 04/01/2005 14:44:55 |
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BLT
> Teenager of the Year <
South Sandwich Islands
4204 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2005 : 14:51:06
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Fuck the social pressures about marriage. It's silly to try to force anything that affects you every day and is supposed to last the rest of your life.
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Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2005 : 14:56:41
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I got married because I was knocked up.
Hahahahaha, just kidding.
__________
This is the war and not the warning. |
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floop
= Wannabe Volunteer =
Mexico
15297 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2005 : 14:59:00
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quote:
Originally posted by BLT
Fuck the social pressures about marriage. It's silly to try to force anything that affects you every day and is supposed to last the rest of your life.
that's what i'm sayin'. but don't get me wrong, i think marriage sounds like a rewarding, spiritual experience (minus the whole sex-with-the-same-person-for-the-rest-of-your-life part)
ist es möglich für ein quesadilla skrotum zu lecken? beim sprechen der quesadillas von LBF, ja. ja in der tatheheheheheheehehee! |
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Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2005 : 15:03:53
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What about regularly occuring sex for the rest of your life???
__________
This is the war and not the warning. |
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floop
= Wannabe Volunteer =
Mexico
15297 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2005 : 15:08:47
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hmmm, you do have an argument there
ist es möglich für ein quesadilla skrotum zu lecken? beim sprechen der quesadillas von LBF, ja. ja in der tatheheheheheheehehee! |
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starmekitten
-= Forum Pistolera =-
United Kingdom
6370 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2005 : 15:11:16
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My folks got divorced many years ago now, and whilst I remember it being an absolute heartbreak at the time on reflection it was the best thing for them, they weren't a nice couple and they've achieved a lot more apart than they would have together, it could be said they shouldn't have married in the first place (but there would be no tre and I know how sad that would make you all...)
But a lot of people I know are getting married just for the sake of it out of some sort of fear of being alone I assume, which is ridiculous, I'd rather be alone than caught in something crap. One guy I know got married because he was in his mid thirties wanted kids and found someone who would marry him...
...three years later...
... that marriage concluded in the armed response squad surrounding his house a possible prison sentance and the very real possibility that he might never get to see his kids again.
Marriage just to be married is a really stupid idea.
I was going somewhere else with this I forgot.... hmm...
 cats have nine lives/ which makes them ideal for experimentation |
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mosleyk
= Cult of Ray =
USA
607 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2005 : 15:12:33
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I can only speak for myself, but I adore being married to my husband. I tried the whole steady boyfriend and living together thing and everything inbetween. None of it was meant to be. When I met my now husband...I don't know...everything just felt right and we journeyed to marriage. It was completely natural and wonderful.
But that is just what worked for us. Marriage is a very personal decision. I don't think there is a right answer.
Just look at Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn....they have never married and they have been together for what? 15 years or something like that? |
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BLT
> Teenager of the Year <
South Sandwich Islands
4204 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2005 : 15:14:58
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quote:
Originally posted by floop
...(minus the whole sex-with-the-same-person-for-the-rest-of-your-life part)
Remember that scene in Diner where Shrevie is lamenting his marriage? "You go to bed...she's there. You wake up...she's there..." Every time I see it I want to slap him and scream, "Dude-- Ellen Barkin's in your bed. Shut the fuck up." |
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floop
= Wannabe Volunteer =
Mexico
15297 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2005 : 15:16:31
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i love the first scene in OLD SCHOOL when Will Farrell is getting married and Vince Vaughn is trying to talk him out of it. kills me every time
ist es möglich für ein quesadilla skrotum zu lecken? beim sprechen der quesadillas von LBF, ja. ja in der tatheheheheheheehehee! |
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kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2005 : 15:27:21
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I still do a doubletake every time I realize that mosleyk
is female and not male. Then again, for months I thought
Whore was a woman. And floop was a man*. Off topic. Sorry.
I think the institution of marriage is somewhat fucked up
but I like my particular marriage to my specific husband.
What absolutely disgusts me is people who, as you say,
do things for the sake of doing them. Like there's a
race going on in their heads, gotta get married, check, off the list, got married, gotta have a kid, check off the list. I find it
quite easy to spot people like that and they annoy the hell
out of me.
* Kidding, floopster, kidding. I know you're all man.
 I still believe in the excellent joy of the Catholics |
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floop
= Wannabe Volunteer =
Mexico
15297 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2005 : 15:30:41
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quote:
Originally posted by kathryn
* Kidding, floopster, kidding. I know you're all man.
just as i know you're not actually addicted to huffing (as previously thought)
ist es möglich für ein quesadilla skrotum zu lecken? beim sprechen der quesadillas von LBF, ja. ja in der tatheheheheheheehehee! |
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Broken Face
-= Forum Pistolero =-
USA
5155 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2005 : 15:31:01
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my friend is getting married in june for all the wrong reasons. he needs a mom (his passed away a few years ago) and he's marrying this bitch so that he can have a new mother, not a wife. she's a domineering, really spiteful, rude and generally unhappy person; which is a total 180 from his mom as well. its such a shame. i've tried to have "the talk" with him about it, saying that no one likes her and that she's really quite nasty to him (she wants him to drop out of med school so that they can have more money now, not realizing the HUGE salary he'll command one day), but it never goes the way its supposed to. damn her.
SUBquestion - have you ever tried to talk someone OUT of getting married? this is now the 2nd friend i've tried...and i'm 100% pro-marriage, just not marriage to these 2
-Brian
If you move I shoots!
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n/a
deleted
4109 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2005 : 15:31:02
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I can only speak for myself, and as I'm married for almost 15 years, I can say that I would marry again with the same man. And I don't feel like it's that long.
Just have to remember to be creative, isn't it floop?
You're trying to
fool somebody, but you end up fooling yourself. |
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mosleyk
= Cult of Ray =
USA
607 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2005 : 15:41:26
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Congratulations on 15 years Rita!
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Daisy Girl
~ Abstract Brain ~
Belize
5305 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2005 : 17:04:40
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Congrats Rita.
Brian, I have tried talking one friend out of it. She had these crazy fights with her boyfriend. We talked about it and she was really confident that they really loved each other deep down-- they went ahead with it and were divorced less than a year later.
Honestly, as far as marriage goes-- there are alot of great things and some crappy things too... like for example Carolynanna speaked of the regular sex. Well that's probably the case for 1/2 of married people, but the other half is getting it once a week at most.
I guess like anything, marriage makes some people's lives a lot better, most in general better, others worse.
Marriage is a personal decision. I wouldn't reccomend getting married for money, status, social pressure etc.
I also totally respect people of the same sex getting married-- people having parners and no relationships. It's a personal decision and there are so many options that people can choose from, so they pick the right option for them.
The only reason why I would reccomend getting married if that person is your ideal mate. This means, you like their sense of humor, intelect ... and feel DRIVEN to get married to that person for who they are.
If you don't feel that compelled feeling that makes you stop looking at other people. That makes you be a better person than you even thought you could be it's not worth it and you won't have what it takes to sustain the relationship through the ups and downs of life and your relationship for a life time.
I definately feel lucky that I waited to get married and I waited for the most amazing guy ever. But I feel happy that I didn't rush into it and I had other relationships that I learned from before this one... to make me a better wife.
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Edited by - Daisy Girl on 04/01/2005 17:11:03 |
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floop
= Wannabe Volunteer =
Mexico
15297 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2005 : 17:31:17
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quote:
Originally posted by Daisy Girl
If you don't feel that compelled feeling that makes you stop looking at other people.
do you really ever stop looking at other people though? even when i was in the depths of crazy ass love i would still check out other girls. i don't think that will ever end
ist es möglich für ein quesadilla skrotum zu lecken? beim sprechen der quesadillas von LBF, ja. ja in der tatheheheheheheehehee! |
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starmekitten
-= Forum Pistolera =-
United Kingdom
6370 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2005 : 18:30:04
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there's checking out and checking out if you know what I mean
if you don't, you're a lost cause
cats have nine lives/ which makes them ideal for experimentation |
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floop
= Wannabe Volunteer =
Mexico
15297 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2005 : 18:32:20
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i know what you mean.
but i'm still a lost cause
ist es möglich für ein quesadilla skrotum zu lecken? beim sprechen der quesadillas von LBF, ja. ja in der tatheheheheheheehehee! |
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Daisy Girl
~ Abstract Brain ~
Belize
5305 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2005 : 18:59:38
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and its so funny cuz... before I was married, I would check out any guy under 40 in the room... a now I just notice guys like Brad Pit in the movies... and yes ... I do see that other guys are good looking but it's more like...it's not a turn on any more. It's weird...  |
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starmekitten
-= Forum Pistolera =-
United Kingdom
6370 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2005 : 19:16:26
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I also tell people I think it's a bad idea if I think it's a bad idea, knew one girl who was engaged to this guy and sleeping around so I told her marriage was a bad idea and I didn't think they'd make it to the altar, she didn't like that
few months later he ditches her she's surprised! some people are nuts
cats have nine lives/ which makes them ideal for experimentation |
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floop
= Wannabe Volunteer =
Mexico
15297 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2005 : 19:22:58
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it's tough though when it's one of your close friends and you don't like who they're dating. i'm all for being honest, but at a certain point you have to let people make their own (bad) decisions for themselves.
i've more or less told a friend of mine that i don't like his current girlfriend. i think she's manipulative and psychotic (not to mention boring and not that good looking). he heard what i had to say, he's still seeing her. at this point i just have to support him in his decisions.
the last time we hung out he spent the whole time moping about her (they were broken up at that time) and i spent the whole time telling him to forget about her. now they're seeing each other again, so i just kind of have to throw my hands in the air and say good luck.
ist es möglich für ein quesadilla skrotum zu lecken? beim sprechen der quesadillas von LBF, ja. ja in der tatheheheheheheehehee! |
Edited by - floop on 04/01/2005 19:26:56 |
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kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2005 : 19:29:08
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Oh man, floop, that situation sucks. I think we've all been
there. Hang in there and hopefully he'll see her for the
bad news she is and you and your bud can go back to
having fun again.
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Catholics |
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starmekitten
-= Forum Pistolera =-
United Kingdom
6370 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2005 : 19:31:27
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Well I don't offer unrequested opinions unless the circumstance is pretty extreme, this girl was one of those "analyse me, lets talk about me" people and she said what do you think about me being engaged.
So I told her
she didn't like it much
she shouldn't have asked
cats have nine lives/ which makes them ideal for experimentation |
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kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2005 : 19:35:14
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My best friend and I hardly spoke for two years after she
found her husband in bed with someone else and I
told her she should divorce him. Then she caught him
again, with another woman, then a third time. They're
in the middle of their divorce now and we're closer than
ever. But those two years broke my heart.
It sucks when people make you the bad guy for
speaking a difficult but obvious truth.
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Catholics |
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Broken Face
-= Forum Pistolero =-
USA
5155 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2005 : 21:59:37
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yeah - i mean, i'm never like "i hate your girlfriend!" to people, but to me, you have to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with your spouse. ie.:
-what are you priorities?
-what is your level of commitment to a successful relationship?
-do you both want/not want kids?
etc
and a lot of times friends have come to me with things like "i don't know if i can deal with _____________ difference. its such a big part of my life"
if your partner can't understand a HUGE part of your life, or cant accept it or whatever, get out get out get out.
and as for gay marriage, i am 100% for it. we heteros need to start sharing the wealth.
-Brian
If you move I shoots!
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starmekitten
-= Forum Pistolera =-
United Kingdom
6370 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2005 : 22:31:42
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***what I think about getting married***
an essay by starmekitten
I think some of the issues bought up in the 'sex' thread are wholly relevant here, marriage is such a big commitment and I think too often people go into it with what seems a very flippant attitude, like its no big deal, if it doesn't work divorce and move on. Maybe high divorce rates and the relative ease and lack of taboo on that sort of thing is responsible. I wouldn't dismiss divorce though for some people no matter how hard they try it just doesn't work and in that instance it is better to split, I don't at all hold with this staying together for the sakes of the children business either. It was a relief when my parents split more than anything, a loveless marriage is hard to live though.
But to commit to someone (and thats what it boils down to I think a sign of commitment, forever and ever amen) for your whole life because thats what it is, till death do us part, you have, have, have to be sure. If I ever (and I do hope to one day) settle down get married and have a family I want it to be good and right in all of my personal beliefs of what good and right in this instance are.
My younger brother is engaged, his fiance is very sweet and they suit each other very well, even though he's only 21 I could say happily with a lot of confidence that they will be very happy together and they will last. My brother proposed last year but won't get married until he has saved enough money for a deposit to a house, he has said he will not think about children until he has that house and has some savings, he wants to do it in the way he sees as right. My family life until last year was a confused one with alot of bad feeling between my brother and my father, now they are reconciled my pops talked with my brother about his future plans with his good lady fiance and afterwards got a bit upset. He said he felt like the divorce had affected my brother to make this sort of super-conscious must do things right attitude. He didn't think the way young Michael had this planned was bad, but he was very aware of the way the parental mariage affected us kids. I'm the same way as Michael I guess, when (if ever) I take the plunge I want to know I'm making the right choice, that I do have that friend as well as a partner, someone I can grow old with thats all I want. Pops is I think aware of that with me too. I had to point out though that my youngest brother is a total whore so his theory was a little shakey. Which he agreed was a bloody good point. But maybe it has affected us, maybe thats why I'm so stuck in my ways about this sort of thing. I don't believe in perfects but I do believe in bloody goods.
But as I said in that other thread, it all boils down to the individual for some people marriage is an outdated institution of blah blah blah and they don't see the point and that works fine for them. Some people get whirlwind romance marry in a hurry live happy ever after and that works good for them. I'm really wary about the whole thing because I had thought at one point that I had found the person I was going to be with for forever and he didn't turn out to be the person I thought he was, and whilst the split hurt, in hindsight, it's a bloody good thing. That would have been a mistake. So that plus the awareness of divorced folks helped convince me if I ever get to the stage of I do's I *need* to be sure it isn't a mistake.
 I joined the cult of Derek/ because Dereks don't run |
Edited by - starmekitten on 04/01/2005 22:33:33 |
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n/a
deleted
4109 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2005 : 23:46:01
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quote:
Originally posted by starmekitten
there's checking out and checking out if you know what I mean
if you don't, you're a lost cause
cats have nine lives/ which makes them ideal for experimentation
That's it Tre, you don't get blind when you get married. I can see a good looking guy, but that doesn't means that I want something.
When you're fullfiled, that's what happens.
You're trying to
fool somebody, but you end up fooling yourself. |
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Surfer Rosa
> Teenager of the Year <
4209 Posts |
Posted - 04/01/2005 : 23:47:43
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I can only speak from my own personal experience here - I got married to my husband when it became clear that the immigration officials in the UK were taking their sweet time with granting me residence as his common law wife. (We'd already been together a fair few years by then). 2 weeks later we were married. I personally don't see why I need a piece of paper to validate my relationship, but clearly society does. The difference in the way I am treated when people find out I am married is amusing. (I don't wear a wedding ring which is possibly why some people don't believe me). What I do find quite frightening is the amount of women (and a couple of men) who seem to want to get married purely so they can have a wedding - a concept I find utterly astounding. They seem to have lost sight of what marriage is all about.
By the way if I wasn't married I would probably still be with my husband in any case. My mother was so relieved when I told her I was getting married, I think she knew that if I wasn't forced into it I'd probably never do it.
The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it. |
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VoVat
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
USA
9168 Posts |
Posted - 04/02/2005 : 00:33:59
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I think marriage is a somewhat outdated institution, but that doesn't mean I won't get married. It's just that I don't think there's anything particularly special or sacred about it. It's a nice symbol, but that's really all it is.
"Reunion? Shit union!" |
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jediroller
* Dog in the Sand *
France
1718 Posts |
Posted - 04/02/2005 : 01:23:18
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Like lots of people here said, if you do it, be sure you do it for yourselves. Screw the social pressures indeed. My wife and I got married 12 years ago (well, it will be 12 years in June), just the 2 of us and the two necessary witnesses, at the town hall, no church (of course not!), and posted nice little cardies telling all our families about it afterwards.
It was the best thing I ever did. It was probably the only thing I ever did that was worth anything, actually.
However, I think it's amusing to see the married people on this forum go, "Yeah, marriage is a crappy institution, but mine is great." Are we all exceptions? Or could it be that there is some good in marriage, even if it's totally subjective?
Like anybody, I know lots of crappy marriages, but I also know quite a few good ones. The good ones never get mentioned in conversations because there isn't anything to say, it's so much more fun to discuss people who fight.
By the way, starmekitten, if it wasn't for the happy circumstances described at the beginning of this post, I would certainly propose you after seeing your signature ;-)
Clara Bow had a Bronx honk |
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PixieSteve
> Teenager of the Year <
Poland
4698 Posts |
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starmekitten
-= Forum Pistolera =-
United Kingdom
6370 Posts |
Posted - 04/02/2005 : 09:37:26
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hehe thanks Jediroller, I don't think you can ever have too much bad taste.
I read through that Steve and it reads like Jedi said, someone in a good marriage claiming marriage is an outdated istitution. Then finishes on a bit of free love stuff.
hippies.
I joined the cult of Derek/ because Dereks don't run |
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marriage vs. not marrying
