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kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
 Posted - 10/24/2004 : 08:24:51
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This ought to amuse some, offend the rest.
Add your own, if you like.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AMERICAN :
1. You can become president without being actually elected.
2. You can spell color, behavior and many other words wrong and get away with it.
3. You can call Budweiser beer.
4. You can be obsess about politicians' sex lives and ignore their policy decisions.
5. You don't have to ever bother learning geography or anything about the rest of the world, for that matter.
6. If you can breathe you can get a gun.
7. You get to be really obese.
8. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems
to care.
9. You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy".
10. You can think you live in the greatest nation on earth.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING CANADIAN :
1. It beats being an American.
2. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
3. You can play ice hockey 10 months a year outdoors.
4. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
5. Where else can you travel 1,000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?
6. A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her popularity ratings will rise.
7. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
8. You can kill Grizzly bears with huge shotguns and cover your house in their skins.
9. Own-an-Eskimo scheme.
10. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GREEK
1. You get to shout about your culture although the only real culture most Greeks have is what is growing between their toes. You get to shout all the time, actually. About anything.
2. The police is even more corrupt than the criminals they are
supposed to be chasing.
3. Demis Roussos.
4. Old women can sport moustaches.
5. Young women can sport moustaches.
6. You get to boast about being the cradle of democracy while conveniently skipping over that military junta part of your glorious national past.
7. You get to call the bouzouki a musical instrument when the rest of the world sees it as an instrument of torture.
8. You are the only nation to have lost its marbles and still wants to let everyone else around the world know about it.
9. Ah, the Greek bureaucracy!
10. Nana Mouskouri.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING BELGIAN
1. You get to speak three languages, but none of them intelligibly.
2. If other countries want to fight a war, they will do it in your country.
3. You can brew drinks out of fruit, and still call it beer.
4. You are either: a) like the Dutch, just less efficient; b) like the French, just less romantic; c) like the Germans, just don’t tell anyone.
5. The best fries.
6. No one knows anything about you, except for the Dutch and the French, and they make fun of you.
7. More scandals in a week than any other country in a decade.
8. You can drive like a maniac and nobody cares.
9. All your famous countrymen are either imaginary or ugly.
10. Face it. It’s not really a country, is it?
TOP TEN REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN
1. Oktoberfest.
2. Beer.
3. BMW.
4. Audi.
5. Mercedes-Benz.
6. You can drive at a speed that in any other country would land you in jail.
7. You do not have to learn German as a foreign language.
8. Nena.
9. Falco.
10. Contrary to common belief, laughing is not forbidden by law (yet).
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING DUTCH
1 You can get arrested for growing plants, but not for smoking them.
2 You can make jokes about the Belgians and still drink their beer.
3a You can legally kill yourself
3b You can't legally be killed
4 You're exactly like the Germans, except that nobody hates you.
5 You think you are a world power, but everyone else thinks Copenhagen is your capital.
6 You get to insult people and defend yourself by saying it's a national tradition.
7 You can put your finger in a dyke and it will save your country
8 You live in the most densely populated country in Europe, and still you've never seen your neighbors.
9 If the economy is bad, blame the Germans. If a war is started, blame the Germans. If you lose your keys, blame the Germans.
10 Bikes are public property. Locks are a challenge.
 I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank |
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n/a
deleted
4109 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 08:31:57
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That´s very funny Kathryn, can´t you make one about the Portuguese?
...The majority of people are just like, `Play the monkey song!' |
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Surfer Rosa
> Teenager of the Year <
4209 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 10:09:14
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| that has me weeping with laughter - more more! |
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kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 10:13:05
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Wow, no one's offended. Too bad.
I am not too familiar with other places (except Spain, which I forgot to add) and I don't *dare* tackle the French.
I've only visited Portugal twice and don't really know what, exactly, to poke fun at. Rita, you ought to do your country!
Surfer Rosa, all I can think of with the Brits is cliches about bad teeth and old jokes about young royals. Surely you can do better.
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Edited by - kathryn on 10/24/2004 10:17:58 |
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 10:16:17
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quote:
Originally posted by kathryn
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING CANADIAN :
2. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
Wait, it wasn't the British, in 1814?
Also, they forgot:
11. Maple Syrup
12. strip clubs with maple syrup
13. baby seal clubbing, with maple syrup
RIP Rest In Peace Jacques Derrida. rasta. ruowa. freedom from activity. a brief pause in reading. a rhythmic silence in music. |
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kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 10:19:58
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Damn! How could I have forgotten nude maple syrup wrestling while clubbing baby seals! **Sobs into Morrissey shirt** (yeah, yeah, I'm wearing another one again). How could I have forgotten! Sniff.
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank |
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Surfer Rosa
> Teenager of the Year <
4209 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 10:22:53
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quote:
Originally posted by kathryn
Wow, no one's offended. Too bad.
I am not too familiar with other places (except Spain, which I forgot to add) and I don't *dare* tackle the French.
I've only visited Portugal twice and don't really know what, exactly, to poke fun at. Rita, you ought to do your country!
Surfer Rosa, all I can think of with the Brits is cliches about bad teeth and old jokes about young royals. Surely you can do better.
but I'm not British - it wouldn't be fair for me to do the British thing (but you're right about the teeth)
I'm South African - a country too many to even get started listing them! javascript:insertsmilie(' ')
javascript:insertsmilie('') |
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kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 10:28:37
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Did you say "South Africa"? Calvin Trillin's recent New Yorker article about
snoek made me pee in my pants it was so funny. Have you read it, Surfer?
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank |
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Surfer Rosa
> Teenager of the Year <
4209 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 10:33:10
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| No - but just seeing the word snoek in print on this forum has just made me laugh. |
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kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
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kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 11:16:02
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I didn't want to seem lazy about Spain. So...
TOP TEN REASONS FOR BEING SPANISH
1. You call everybody "uncle" or "aunt" and you don't feel silly about it.
2. Your most famous countrymen are a fascist sailor's son and a flamboyant filmmaker.
3. In reality, a lot of your tapas are really French finger foods (croquettes, anyone?).
4. Face it: your royals are second rate.
5. You don't even get the Iberian Peninsula to yourself, you have to share with Portugal.
6. You don't get to smoke pot, just those harsh-on-the-lungs hash-filled cigarettes.
7. Admit it: The Clash totally screwed up the Spanish lyrics on "Spanish Bombs."
8. Your only good beer comes from Catalunya and they've been trying to secede forever.
9. The whole world hates you for Julio Iglesias.
10. Repeat after me: "Chocolate churros are not a nutritious breakfast food."
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank |
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n/a
deleted
4109 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 12:31:05
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That one about sharing the Iberian Peninsula with Portugal is THE BEST!
...The majority of people are just like, `Play the monkey song!' |
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 12:37:00
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quote:
Originally posted by kathryn
I didn't want to seem lazy about Spain. So...
TOP TEN REASONS FOR BEING SPANISH
2. Your most famous countrymen are a fascist sailor's son and a flamboyant filmmaker.
And don't forget - this guy.
RIP Rest In Peace Jacques Derrida. rasta. ruowa. freedom from activity. a brief pause in reading. a rhythmic silence in music. |
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floop
= Wannabe Volunteer =
Mexico
15297 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 12:43:51
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quote:
Originally posted by apl4eris
TOP TEN REASONS FOR BEING SPANISH
2. Your most famous countrymen are a fascist sailor's son and a flamboyant filmmaker.
speaking of which, i saw a trailer for the new Almodovar film. looks good.
ist es möglich für ein quesadilla skrotum zu lecken? beim sprechen der quesadillas von LBF, ja. ja in der tatheheheheheheehehee! |
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Cheeseman1000
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Iceland
8201 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 13:04:10
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quote:
Originally posted by apl4eris
quote:
Originally posted by kathryn
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING CANADIAN :
2. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
Wait, it wasn't the British, in 1814?
Also, they forgot:
11. Maple Syrup
TOP TEN REASONS FOR BEING FROM VERMONT
"You ever seen a man say goodbye to a shoe?"
"Yes, once..." |
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Surfer Rosa
> Teenager of the Year <
4209 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 13:29:56
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quote:
Originally posted by kathryn
For snoek, boerewors, Chocolate Logs,
Mrs. H. S. Ball’s Hot Chutney and more, read:
http://www.newyorker.com/fact/content/?040906fa_fact1
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank
Brilliant - jou lekker ding. |
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Cheeseman1000
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Iceland
8201 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 13:43:27
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A South African version of jerky? That's kind of rude isn't it?
I ate Snoek and chips at Mariner's Wharf in May. It is good eating, I'll give you that.
"You ever seen a man say goodbye to a shoe?"
"Yes, once..." |
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whoreatthedoor
> Teenager of the Year <
Spain
2873 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 14:33:30
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I must admit that your spanish list is great. But I feel like you've missed something.
There are tons of more stupid things about us.
Give me some time to think about it.
"¡¡¡Bien!!!, dame el ritmo. Así es mejor" - Jonathan Richman |
Edited by - whoreatthedoor on 10/24/2004 14:34:26 |
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Ebb Vicious
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1162 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 14:40:56
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yeah, that was britain, not canada.
it's a sign of how soft-brained most canadians are that they like to take credit for invading the US. sorry guys, wasn't the case, it was the british. |
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Monsieur
* Dog in the Sand *
France
1688 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 16:19:21
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A reason for being French :
I will show you fear in a handful of dust |
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darwin
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
USA
5456 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 16:52:12
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quote:
Originally posted by Monsieur
A reason for being French :
I will show you fear in a handful of dust
Pac Man? |
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Ebb Vicious
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1162 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 17:06:06
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| no clearly he means you can smell like cheese but if you use some bodyspray no one will notice. |
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Cult_Of_Frank
= Black Noise Maker =
Canada
11690 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 17:59:55
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quote:
Originally posted by Ebb Vicious
yeah, that was britain, not canada.
it's a sign of how soft-brained most canadians are that they like to take credit for invading the US. sorry guys, wasn't the case, it was the british.
It was the British colony of Canada, though we weren't a country at the time, so technically it's correct and incorrect at the same time. That said, I don't think that list was made by a Canadian. Or an American. Or a Greek. Or...
There are few who take pride in (and fewer still who even know of) the events of 1812, and none that I've ever met that would list it as a top reason for being Canadian. Especially since it's rather universally accepted that in terms of military might, we have nothing to boast about unless you think that a lack of military is something to brag of. And that the US could burn our capital to the ground and leave it a radioactive wasteland without leaving their couches.
"Join the Cult of Frank 2.0 / And you'll be enlightened (free for 1.x members)" |
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mun chien andalusia
= Quote Accumulator =
Italy
2139 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 05:37:06
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TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GREEK
1. You can hate Americans, even if you dress like them, you listen to the same music, watch the same films and loot the poor countries around you like them.
2. You can believe that you are the best country in the world, even if the rest of the world ignores your existence.
3. You can win a european football championship and transform the victory in a matter of national importance for the next 3-4 generations to come. And brutaly offend those who don't care about it.
4. You can drive keeping in mind one simple rule. The more expensive is your car the more rights you have.(known as the Mercedes-Fiat Law. Mercedes always wins)
5. You can shout about the corruption around you but you can buy your son's driving licence from your cousin that works at the ministry.
6. You can brag about how clean are the greek beaches, though you do your best to fill them up with anything from cigarette bums to whatever crap you don't need anymore like your old sofa. and then accuse the damn tourists.
7. You can brag about how friendly people the greeks are, and continue to find funny to give wrong indications to tourists (or rip them off if you are a taxi driver)
8. You can talk for hours about democracy and then order your kids to do exactly what you say without asking questions, even if it is a complete idiocy.
9. You can brag about how the greek language is the base of every other language, though you don't speak decent greek because at school you were more interested in skipping lessons of greek.
10. You can act as rodolfo valentino even if your girlfriend commands you with sovietic discipline and methods.
 join the cult of errol\and you can have a beer\without having to quit smoking
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Edited by - mun chien andalusia on 10/25/2004 05:51:53 |
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mun chien andalusia
= Quote Accumulator =
Italy
2139 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 05:50:32
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TOP TEN REASONS FOR BEING ITALIAN
1. You can hate communists and the soviet union even if all tv stations belong to the same person.
2. You can have a prime minister that prefers jokes and football to politics.
3. You can go on vacation convinced that you can score with every girl you meet. and be surprised everytime for being beaten by neanderthal boyfriends.
4. You can live convinced of having the best national football team even if you don't win anything since the dinosaurs walked the earth.
5. You can brag about your latin lover looks even if you have had a single girfriend in your whole life. your wife
6. You can brag about the italian cars and the ferrari's world championships and then buy a citroen
7. You can talk bad about american pop music and then buy an eros ramazzoti album
8. You can hate the rest of the world for giving you the pasta stereotype, but you must always bring some pasta when you travel abroad.
9. You are part of the only nation in the world that sincerely believes that their army is well seen wherever it goes, because the italians are nice people.
10. You live in the only place of the world where the church has it's own state, bank, embassy, army and still talks about morality.
join the cult of errol\and you can have a beer\without having to quit smoking
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GypsyDeath
Zapped Profile
3575 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 06:16:38
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aw, come on, I want a brit one!
Very funny though!
God forbid I exude confidence and enjoy sex |
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mun chien andalusia
= Quote Accumulator =
Italy
2139 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 07:07:22
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TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING BRITISH
1. You can have the worst national football team, and still think that you can win something
2. You can still believe that you are an empire, even if your country consist in a single island
3. You can enjoy paying a family loads of money just because they are there, thinking that the rest of the world envies your traditions, while actually laughs at you.
4. You can enjoy the world's worst cuisine
5. You can brag about how you won a war against argentina and gained the total control of a couple of uninhabited frozen islands.
6. You can get drunk everynight and think that it's makes you the most admirable and irresistible male in the world.
7. You can start a fight and then claim that it's not uncivilized, just a tradition
8. You can believe that you are not the 51st of the united states just because they let you fox-hunting and drive on the wrong side of the street.
9. You live in the only place in the world where the word "virgin" indicates only a company and nothing else
10. You live in the only place in the world were they love hot beer and cold women
join the cult of errol\and you can have a beer\without having to quit smoking
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offerw
* Dog in the Sand *
South Africa
1264 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 11:54:41
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quote:
Originally posted by kathryn
Did you say "South Africa"? Calvin Trillin's recent New Yorker article about
snoek made me pee in my pants it was so funny. Have you read it, Surfer?
Funny article allright. I agree with Surfer that seeing the word snoek in print on the forum is a joke in itself.
A friend phoned me from Cape Town earlier today and he wanted to know if he can bring me some smoked snoek with him when he gets back tomorrow.
Looks like I'll be having snoek soon!
wilhelm |
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kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 11:57:53
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So it's not fair to say "Oh, but it's JUST fish," right?
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank |
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Ebb Vicious
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1162 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 12:01:36
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quote:
Originally posted by Cult_Of_Frank
It was the British colony of Canada, though we weren't a country at the time, so technically it's correct and incorrect at the same time.
no, it was british forces stationed in canada. there was no army made of canadians, only a small militia really.
quote:
There are few who take pride in (and fewer still who even know of) the events of 1812, and none that I've ever met that would list it as a top reason for being Canadian.
i agree with you but yet there are a number of canadians who bring it up as if to "prove" that canada is superior to the US. |
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offerw
* Dog in the Sand *
South Africa
1264 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 12:08:18
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quote:
Originally posted by kathryn
So it's not fair to say "Oh, but it's JUST fish," right?
Not fair at all. I love it.
wilhelm |
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speedy_m
= Frankofile =
Canada
3581 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 12:56:54
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quote:
Originally posted by Ebb Vicious
i agree with you but yet there are a number of canadians who bring it up as if to "prove" that canada is superior to the US.
A number of Canadians? Like who? People you know personally? How large a number? 2? A million? I was born and raised Canadian and I have yet to meet a single Canuck who has brought up the War of 1812 to prove any point about Canada. In fact, I would argue that most Canadians (from my generation) haven't even HEARD of this battle. So THERE Ebb. Take THAT. I'm TELLING. You're gonna be in TROUBLE. |
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Ebb Vicious
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1162 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 13:00:19
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well the fact that you are canadian is one of the main reasons no one has ever brought this up to you.
and probably about half a dozen. which is about six too many. |
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GypsyDeath
Zapped Profile
3575 Posts |
Posted - 10/26/2004 : 02:20:55
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quote:
Originally posted by mun chien andalusia
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING BRITISH
9. You live in the only place in the world where the word "virgin" indicates only a company and nothing else
Haha, this made me laugh a lot! as standard everyone loses it at the age of 7 for girls, 9 for boys, why wait?
God forbid I exude confidence and enjoy sex |
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Topic |
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The World's Nationalities
