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The King Of Karaoke
> Teenager of the Year <
USA
3759 Posts |
 Posted - 01/22/2004 : 23:56:29
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-- How's it going everybody?
Well, this girl I've been kind of sort of dating, just hung up on me (see step 3), which has inspired me to write this list entitled:
"THE KING OF KARAOKE'S TOP TEN LIST OF WAYS TO MAKE FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE."
1) Screen all incoming phone calls. If it's a potential "new friend" you'll want a few days before getting back to them. If at all.
2) Make plans to get together with people but never actually do it.
3) Make plans to finally actually get together, then when they're on their way to your house, change your mind, call their cell, and tell them you've just realized you have a lot of stuff to do. When they say "No. We're going out! I'm getting off at your exit right now!", tell them, "Yeah sorry, I really have a lot of stuff to do." After they hang up on you, mope around the house for another two hours. After that kick back on the couch and watch "Kabhi Kushi Kabhie Gham..." that new hindi musical you just picked up. You'll laugh, you'll cry, but most of all...YOU'LL DANCE!!
4) On dates be sure to crank that 1983 copy of the "Death Cult" at full volume, singing every verse as if you are Ian Astbury back in 1983.
5) If the girl actually likes the "Death Cult" start seeing her on a regular basis. Invite her over a lot. Show her your sensitive side. When she tells you she's "falling for you", tell her, "me too". Then get scared two weeks later and dump her. Actually it's more effective if you don't even officially dump her, just don't answer the phone for awhile (see step 1).
6) If your "new friends" have access to a computer, constantly bombard them with ridiculous shit, until they come to realize that, you are a complete freak.
Here are a couple of great resources: http://www.n2.net/prey/bigfoot/ - http://www.oftm.com/chupa.html
7) Say weird shit as much as possible. For example, if you're with a group of people you have just met for the first time try this, "So..You guys like Baba Ganoush?" This is most effective during sports conversations.
8) If you decide to drink a few beers with your "new friends," collect the appropriate amount of money from each to buy a eighteen pack, then drink twelve of them.
9) When invited to be part of a gathering of potential "new friends" for their weekly "movie night" tell them, "Hey I know something we should watch." Then go rent "Hedwig and the Angry Inch."
Throughout the movie keep saying stuff like "Ooo! I love this part!"
Oh yeah, bring some form of protective head gear.
10) Last but most importantly. As a defensive stratagem against unexpected visits from "new friends", come to think of your tiny studio apartment as your "flatulance haven". Therefore allowing you the freedom to continuosly release flatus into the tiny enviroment you call home.
That usually puts a stop to that nonsense.
NOTE: If step 10 is properly executed, the basic greeting issued forth by said "new friend" should be a big smile, rapidly proceeded by a look of sheer terror.
Step ten works equally well for door to door solicitors, although certain religious groups appear to have a divine immunity.
Well, good luck! I gotta go walk around by myself somewhere.
Love your friend
The King of Karaoke
Note to self: get ass itchin' ointment...fer ass...that's.. uh?...itchin'! |
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Carl
- A 'Fifth' Catholic -
Ireland
11546 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2004 : 06:54:51
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| Get rich. |
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mcmikey
= Cult of Ray =
799 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2004 : 06:57:53
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Get crabs.
I dreamed I dream |
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Carl
- A 'Fifth' Catholic -
Ireland
11546 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2004 : 07:00:05
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| That's the number-one way to LOOSE friends. |
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mcmikey
= Cult of Ray =
799 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2004 : 07:00:45
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waht do you mean? my crabs ARE my friends!
I dreamed I dream |
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Carl
- A 'Fifth' Catholic -
Ireland
11546 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2004 : 07:03:52
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| Well, if you mean those kind...just go down to the beach and fish around! Instant popularity among the crustatean community! |
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mcmikey
= Cult of Ray =
799 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2004 : 07:09:03
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I live in a landlocked state. We don't have ocean beaches here. We do have the Museum of Discovery though!
I dreamed I dream |
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Owen
- FB Fan -
USA
165 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2004 : 07:12:02
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quote:
Originally posted by mcmikey
I live in a landlocked state. We don't have ocean beaches here. We do have the Museum of Discovery though!
I dreamed I dream
Is it like this? Yours has a cooler name, though. I'd like to meet the marketing genius that came up with Discovery . . . place. Where you can find all sorts of . . . things and learn about . . . events. |
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2004 : 07:16:45
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quote:
Originally posted by Carl
That's the number-one way to LOOSE friends.
I'm glad to find this out, as most of my friends are either in the Big House or the nuthouse. mwahahahahahaha!!! <lopes off to catch crabs>
 Today, we're gonna learn poodles how to fly. |
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VoVat
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
USA
9168 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2004 : 09:21:11
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Hey! You're all just ripping off ideas from Dale Carnegie!
-Nathan
And how does lemur's skin reflect the sea?
http://vovat.blogspot.com/ |
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mcmikey
= Cult of Ray =
799 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2004 : 09:22:11
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I'm kind of partial to Tony Robbins, myself. And his big ass teeth
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mikey wuz here |
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Carl
- A 'Fifth' Catholic -
Ireland
11546 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2004 : 09:24:31
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There's an ambulance ouside...there's men with a bunch of white jackets with straps...they're comin' for us! |
Edited by - Carl on 01/23/2004 09:25:20 |
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GypsyDeath
Zapped Profile
3575 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2004 : 12:53:51
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you two are crazy!
haha. Internet 'new' friends can be very funny. But some can lead to interesting circumstances..but yeah. heh.
I might print that list off and stick it in on my wall. haha
_________________________
Im the only one who laughs |
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mcmikey
= Cult of Ray =
799 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2004 : 13:03:09
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quote:
Originally posted by GypsyDeath
you two are crazy!
haha. Internet 'new' friends can be very funny. But some can lead to interesting circumstances..but yeah. heh.
I might print that list off and stick it in on my wall. haha
_________________________
Im the only one who laughs
I'm very curious about what you hinted at there
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mikey wuz here |
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Cult_Of_Frank
= Black Noise Maker =
Canada
11687 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2004 : 13:13:41
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OK, Gypsy, as part of joining the 100 club, you have to tell us all an interesting story. This internet 'meeting' will suffice as your offerring. :)
 "Join the Cult of Frank / And you'll be enlightened" |
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GoddessTheory
= Cult of Ray =
USA
675 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2004 : 13:23:37
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quote:
Originally posted by Cult_Of_Frank
OK, Gypsy, as part of joining the 100 club, you have to tell us all an interesting story. This internet 'meeting' will suffice as your offerring. :)
"Join the Cult of Frank / And you'll be enlightened"
Hey, that's not how you made ME join the 100 club.
God. I have to take a shower. I don't feel so well.
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GypsyDeath
Zapped Profile
3575 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2004 : 13:41:42
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LOL, Yay! Im in the 100 club!!
erm...I dont have very interesting internet stories..yet. I havent met many people off the net..just erm. Oh god. Im just digging a hole here.
Any one wanna throw me a rope?
Any one?
_________________________
Im the only one who laughs |
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2004 : 14:47:42
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I have one, but it doesn't have an end I could throw you - I've been trying and trying to find one for ages. quote:
Originally posted by Carl
There's an ambulance ouside...there's men with a bunch of white jackets with straps...they're comin' for us!
"They're coming to take me away, oh my! They're coming to take me away!!!
Today, we're gonna learn poodles how to fly. |
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GypsyDeath
Zapped Profile
3575 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2004 : 14:56:36
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Ok, ill try dig my self out...what I emant by that is I think everyone these days does not really believe in that whole 'meeting that ONE on the net' or what ever, but in my experience, its very surprising the people you meet, and how fantastic the two of you can get on, and over a peroid of time develop feelings for this person youve only ever spoke to/typed too! SOunds silly..but i guess if the net wasnt ther, some of these people would never meet, which is a shame..I just meant i never intended or expected or wanted to meet some one who I would 'fall' for over the net...if you see what i mean, but its is possible, which is why its can have surprising consequences...
AM i out of the hole yet??
_________________________
Im the only one who laughs |
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The King Of Karaoke
> Teenager of the Year <
USA
3759 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2004 : 15:07:01
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I know what you mean.
I tried the net thing and met nothing but weirdos.
I walked away thinking, "Yes! My people have a home!"
I've subsequently fallen deeply in love and am breeding.
Much to the dismay of the "normals" around me.
Note to self: get ass itchin' ointment...fer ass...that's.. uh?...itchin'! |
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El Barto
= Song DB Master =
USA
4020 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2004 : 15:16:41
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I love this list. It's fucking hilarious, seriously. I really like it. The internet is a great place to meet people cause you can find out about them without any sort of stupid social hangups...find out who they really are, talk about shit without being embarassed. The internet makes the world whole, in a way. It just sucks when you meet the coolest fucking person in the world only to find out they live ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE GOD DAMN OCEAN.
 "I joined the Cult of Clops / If I were you, I'd sleep with one eye open." |
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GypsyDeath
Zapped Profile
3575 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2004 : 15:27:41
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quote:
Originally posted by El Barto
I love this list. It's fucking hilarious, seriously. I really like it. The internet is a great place to meet people cause you can find out about them without any sort of stupid social hangups...find out who they really are, talk about shit without being embarassed. The internet makes the world whole, in a way. It just sucks when you meet the coolest fucking person in the world only to find out they live ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE GOD DAMN OCEAN.
what he said
_________________________
Im the only one who laughs |
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The King Of Karaoke
> Teenager of the Year <
USA
3759 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2004 : 15:29:59
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quote:
Originally posted by El Barto
I love this list. It's fucking hilarious, seriously. I really like it. The internet is a great place to meet people cause you can find out about them without any sort of stupid social hangups...find out who they really are, talk about shit without being embarassed. The internet makes the world whole, in a way. It just sucks when you meet the coolest fucking person in the world only to find out they live ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE GOD DAMN OCEAN.
"I joined the Cult of Clops / If I were you, I'd sleep with one eye open."
Me?! "The coolest fucking person in the world"?! I mean, I tell myself that all the time, but to actually hear it out loud from another human! Wow! I'm welling up with tears as I write this!
Note to self: get ass itchin' ointment...fer ass...that's.. uh?...itchin'! |
Edited by - The King Of Karaoke on 01/23/2004 21:59:27 |
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MangyKid
- FB Fan -
170 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2004 : 22:10:05
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| It's all about the sweet, sweet crack. Hook those suckers on crack and they'll stick by you forever. |
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The King Of Karaoke
> Teenager of the Year <
USA
3759 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2004 : 22:14:13
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HEY EVERYONE!
It's the Mangykid! Hi MangyKId!!
Note to self: get ass itchin' ointment...fer ass...that's.. uh?...itchin'! |
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Little Black Francis
> Teenager of the Year <
3648 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2004 : 22:39:12
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quote:
Author Topic
The King Of Karaoke
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
169 Posts
Posted - 01/22/2004 : 23:56:29
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-- How's it going everybody?
Well, this girl I've been kind of sort of dating, just hung up on me (see step 3), which has inspired me to write this list entitled:
"THE KING OF KARAOKE'S TOP TEN LIST OF WAYS TO MAKE FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE."
That is some funny shit.
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SpudBoy
= Cult of Ray =
Equatorial Guinea
649 Posts |
Posted - 01/24/2004 : 09:16:27
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I have been on the net over 12 years now, and seen a lot of this yearning shit go down. I have made some very good friends online, but easily 90% of the people I get along with online are absolutely unbearable in person. Myself included. That's just for being straight up friendly. Talkin romance type shit, that number drops to like 99.99% from what I have seen. Good luck, suckers.
With regard to KoK's post, I tend to find smearing feces on a new friend is effective.
 I looked for a cult to join, then decided to just play "Sink". Hey! I sank WallaWalla Washington! |
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GypsyDeath
Zapped Profile
3575 Posts |
Posted - 01/24/2004 : 17:53:34
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I agree.
I mean, I know a lot of people that have gone on to have a fruitful relationship with someone whom they met on the internet. But many of these people do it for the wrong reasons. Such as they are unhappy within their relationships, or just plain desperate. haha.
Its all so easy for so many people on the interent, no face to face confrontations. Our society has become a society afraid of confrontations, and afriad of interacting face to face. And weve built up this world, that need be, you dont have to be have any face to face-ness wih any one.
But I think its amazing that you can meet all these people that you may have never before met. And yes, people can be different in real life. But thats not always going to be a bad thing. And if they are, so what? At least youve had some good times chatting on the net.
I know think that it is very possible to feel something for someone over the internet. But you have to be very in tune to bullshit, and know the crap from the jewels. Obviously you will never know for sure until you meet that person. But until then..
Rant over.
_________________________
Im the only one who laughs |
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El Barto
= Song DB Master =
USA
4020 Posts |
Posted - 01/24/2004 : 19:15:08
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The internet is a gift and a curse at the same time. I think it really through a wrench into the way the world is supposed to operate, being that your contact is limited through those in your area, etc. Now, you can talk to and meet anyone in the world. Then, once a bond is formed, which is completely possible to do remotely, it becomes very hard to deal with the fact that you can't see that person right then, whenever you want to.
It's definitely easier to get to know people through the internet...like I say, it's easier to say how you really feel through text than in person. It's easier to weed through the people you're compatible with than it would be to date person after person after person, waiting till 10 dates and 3 months to find out that the person is really not the right one.
I've made some great friends over the internet, some of whom I met in person and some I've been wanting to meet. I have a friend from Canada that I've been enemy first, then good friends for a little more than 6 years. I have a friend from the Boston area whom I've known since roughly 1996...we stopped talking for a few years but we always had contact with eachother (I just never sent a message...I dunno, we changed). I met my first half-real girlfriend online when I was 15. I met some other cool kids from that same IRC channel. I've met a number of people from the AbstractPlain, including The Bennies, which pretty much caused me to move out here to PA. And then there's Mel; story in progress.
Conclusion: The internet makes meeting people easy.
"I joined the Cult of Clops / If I were you, I'd sleep with one eye open." |
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SpudBoy
= Cult of Ray =
Equatorial Guinea
649 Posts |
Posted - 01/24/2004 : 19:36:49
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Yeah, but what about the feces?
I looked for a cult to join, then decided to just play "Sink". Hey! I sank WallaWalla Washington! |
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IceCream
= Quote Accumulator =
USA
1850 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2004 : 00:09:50
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This forum is the only forum I post on, and the FB.net members are pretty much the only people I've met on the internet. Quite frankly, I don't think I really know these people; Dean Katsiris once said it was likely that theswimmer and ebbvicious were same person; I think that if I were to guess which FB.net member made any given post in any given thread (without the clues like signatures), I would not do that well.
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Tim, the only one who laughs |
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The King Of Karaoke
> Teenager of the Year <
USA
3759 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2004 : 18:41:05
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quote:
Originally posted by SpudBoy
Yeah, but what about the feces?
I looked for a cult to join, then decided to just play "Sink". Hey! I sank WallaWalla Washington!
Sorry for not getting back to you sooner Spudboy.
Thanks again for your blow up doll love making advice Thank's to it, I'm starting to feel like a real man again.
Because of that advice, you have become one of my favorites here on the Forum. Well, next to the MangyKid of course. No offense but he was the originator of the "Erotic Vulture" thread. Which when I think of that picture even two weeks later, it still makes me horny. Uh!! wistful! I mean it makes me wistful!
I also have a new found appreciation for Grapefruit flavored wine by MD 20/20. I used to poo poo it at first, but it's actually a very nice alley wine, in the $1.90 range.
So to the point. Yes I once, was also a big fan of the smearing of feces on humans as a means of impressing them. But now with all this E coli and salmonella nonsense, it's gotten a little too risky. Damn blood sucking lawyers!
Have you tried urinating on the humans? I hear that your body heat actually sterilizes much of it. Therefore making it a much safer alternative.
We live in a very litigious society Spudboy. It's sad but true. So be careful with whom you pick as potential friends. They may turn around and stab you in the back!
Note to self: get ass itchin' ointment...fer ass...that's.. uh?...itchin'! |
Edited by - The King Of Karaoke on 01/25/2004 18:46:44 |
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SpudBoy
= Cult of Ray =
Equatorial Guinea
649 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2004 : 19:04:47
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Hey KoK...you're right. Urine Is Sterile. Some say you can even drink it medicinally for up to two passes. Not sure what it's supposed to do, but I stick with bourbon for medicinal purposes. That makes my urine smell funny enough as it is. Oddly, though, the cat seems to like it. As far as making friends, you're right...I should cut back on the fecal rubbing. Also true that people are generally rotten backstabbing motherfuckers who would whore out your granny for a nickel. That's why I like eggs.
I looked for a cult to join, then decided to just play "Sink". Hey! I sank WallaWalla Washington! |
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2004 : 19:09:47
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KoK, I've been wondering, and you seem like just the chap to ask this sort of thing of....so please lend me your ear:
Do potential friends like earwax as much as cats do?
"Wir müssen wissen. Wir werden wissen." |
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TheCroutonFuton
- Mr. Setlists -
USA
1728 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2004 : 19:11:13
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SpudBoy...if you lived with monkeys..the fecal rubbing would get you a lot of friends.
 "Join the Cult of Gunn / And Then You'll Be Destined to be a Rock and Roll Star of Epical Proportions!" |
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The King Of Karaoke
> Teenager of the Year <
USA
3759 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2004 : 19:12:15
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| Hey Spudboy, if you know the bastard that's been whoring out my Granny, please clue me in! He owes me some nickels! |
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