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your mamas a pretty thing
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Canada
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 Posted - 11/14/2003 : 12:29:02
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Fri, November 14, 2003
It seems Jesus just all right with everyone
By Allan WIGNEY, Ottawa Sun
The dulcet tones of Jethro Tull's Ian Anderson are no longer welcome on New Jersey radio. Management at WCHR, home of classic rock and the "Free Beer & Hot Wings Morning Show," put its collective foot down this week after Anderson suggested certain Americans engage in brainless flag-waving.
In an unrelated story, the Iraqi people are now happy, prosperous and free.
"It's easy to confuse patriotism with nationalism," the tool of al- Qaida reportedly said -- likely standing on one leg at the time. "Flag-waving ain't gonna do it."
The station's subsequent ban on Tull's music "is forever," according to WCHR's program director Phil LoCascio. So if you're looking to hear Aqualung or Bungle in the Jungle, you'd best look elsewhere, mister.
It all begs the question: Why can't Rod Stewart or someone from Supertramp condemn mother, home and apple pie? It could make life easier for all of us. Or at least for residents of New Jersey.
It's safe to say depriving listeners of their daily does of Tull probably does constitute a sacrifice. Certainly, when one Ottawa record store banned Cat Stevens albums in response to his endorsement of the wild-world fatwa against Salman Rushdie, sales were lost. Don't look for that store; it's not there anymore.
Still, it might be worth a bit of short-term pain to rid the airwaves -- and stadiums -- of one or two dinosaurs. And that's where the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame could make itself useful. One doesn't enter the Baseball or Hockey Hall of Fame until after retirement. Thus, "Sure, Sex Pistols, we'll induct you into our Hall of Fame. But you have to promise never to record or tour again." Just think of how many lacklustre Stones albums we could have been spared.
True, a mandatory retirement policy might lead to calls for everyone from Mariah Carey to Will Smith to be enshrined in the hallowed hall. And it would likely ensure 2Pac will never be eligible. But the benefits outweigh the costs. The hall, for example, could have launched a pre-emptive strike to stop the current Stryper reunion tour.
CHRISTIAN METAL
That's right, Stryper, a classic rock band guaranteed not to offend WCHR listeners. The godfathers of Christian metal, whose name was inspired by Isaiah 53:5 (I'm sure you know it) is what America needs now: Good rockin' Christians with bad hair. Hence, the original members are spreading the word about the Lord and a new hits collection. Possibly not in that order.
Christian rock has been threatening mainstream pop and rock (but not hip-hop) ever since Amy Grant crossed over nearly two decades ago. (Grant had been saluted by the Seattle-based band Young Fresh Fellows as follows: "She comes home from church/She takes off her pants/That's what I like about Amy Grant.")
The mainstream's move away from the satanic coincided with the rise of the compact disc, which virtually put an end to the all-important induction ritual of playing metal records backwards. What's the point of putting a message on your album if the kids can't play it properly?
Recently, we've seen P.O.D. and fake-British/fake-secular band Sixpence None the Richer conquer the charts with their Up With People sentiments.
Bono is supposed to be some sort of Christian -- the Church of Bono, no doubt. And in a one-two punch for dinosaur-rockers and against the devil's music, even former Grand Funk Railroad frontman Mark Farner has turned all God-fearing. Just check out his recent remake of the GFR hit Some Kind of Wonderful: "Well my Jesus He's alright/Well my savior is clean out of sight/Don't you know that He's ..."
Now where's Ian Anderson when you need him?
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