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vamos
- FB Fan -
United Kingdom
37 Posts |
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the swimmer
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1602 Posts |
 Posted - 11/03/2003 : 20:01:10
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quote:
Originally posted by vamos
what do you think of this song? no criticism regarded as too harsh
http://www.geocities.com/jamiehindhaugh/
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couldn't listen to it for more than 10 secs because the guitar is WAY too hot over the vox and the singing sounds like it's flying out of the nasal cavity at tremendous speeds.
Sorry. Try again. |
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oddity
- FB Fan -
Brazil
26 Posts |
Posted - 11/03/2003 : 21:44:15
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It does not completely suck, but the mix certainly does.
The thing is... your vocals are way too low (not pitch-wise, that is), and you don't seem to have enough technique yet. But you have some personality, after all, you do sound as a singer like some weird combination of Placebo and Smashing Pumpkins, so that means you're aware you should have a personal punch, but you're still ain't there. Anyway, it could turn, with more effort and competence, into a fairly good song. I would read the lyrics if you posted them. There's just one adjustment I think you really should make: after the "Running like animals" part, there's a line that goes something like "But you know those cannibals"... That's a pretty dreadful, ugly and enormously out of sync / structure proposition rhyme shot. I mean, it's not wrong, but it sounds a lot like you included that on the fly, you know? That specific line could be changed, for I must say I just don't get it, definitely.
Keep trying, you can easily make it work.
"my death waits like a bible truth" |
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Crispy Water
= Cult of Ray =
Canada
819 Posts |
Posted - 11/03/2003 : 22:09:17
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Aw man, I wanna hear it, but I'm being told:
The web site you are trying to access has exceeded its allocated data transfer.
Nothing is ever something. |
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billgoodman
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Netherlands
6013 Posts |
Posted - 11/04/2003 : 06:06:20
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you sound like billy corgan on helium
but that's not a insult
really
and there isn't so much wrong with the mix
it's lo-fi
I would say turn the volume of the voice a little bit up
I like the way the guitar overshadows the vocal
I would say
Good job
 "I joined the Culf of Frank/ And now I do not know what...to do" |
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vamos
- FB Fan -
United Kingdom
37 Posts |
Posted - 11/04/2003 : 08:15:40
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thanks for the comments, the positive ones were nice and the negative ones were constructive. I know the mix is bad but I don't know what to do about it, its just recorded straight into a microphone. I'm going to try and record a better version sometime and put more songs up.
these are the lyrics:
Animal
This enclosure makes me feel
So close to you
This exposure makes me think
That life’s a zoo
Have you learned to use tools yet?
Have you learned how to drive?
You have a habit of changing habitat
Running from mansions to coldwater flats
You and me together running like animals
Outrunning those cannibals
We once called friends
You and me together running like animals
Outrunning those cannibals
We once called friends
You know I chose her she is such a
Rare breed
But then I sold her now people tell me
That she bleeds
Have we learned to wear clothes yet?
Have we learned how to cry?
She has a right to go out at night
My instincts tell me that she’s now extinct
You and me together running like animals
Outrunning those cannibals
We once called friends
You and me together running like animals
Outrunning those cannibals
We once called friends
You and me were always running like animals
But all those cannibals
Win in the end
You and me were always running like animals
But all those cannibals
Win in the end
thanks
http://www.geocities.com/jamiehindhaugh/
sponsor my silence |
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oddity
- FB Fan -
Brazil
26 Posts |
Posted - 11/04/2003 : 08:45:52
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The lyrics are very nice, vamos, congrats about them!
Here's something that might help: when FB's uncle taught him how to sing, he used to say "Scream! Scream like you hate that bitch!"
The rest is history.
Oh, where are you from in the UK? I'll probably be at college there next year. |
Edited by - oddity on 11/04/2003 08:52:11 |
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vamos
- FB Fan -
United Kingdom
37 Posts |
Posted - 11/04/2003 : 09:01:57
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thnaks for the advice, I'm in Edinburgh at uni, any idea where you're going to go?
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oddity
- FB Fan -
Brazil
26 Posts |
Posted - 11/05/2003 : 22:01:28
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| Huh, problably london or brighton or chichester or essex... Well, you can tell I'm not sure at all. I'll just know it about January-March. I'm trying hard to become a world famous rock star in the meanwhile, so that I won'work part-time and starve while in UK. LOL |
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