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Stuart
- The Clopser -
China
2291 Posts |
 Posted - 09/24/2003 : 21:09:41
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This is a rip off from the Viz comic, but it is very amusing when people come up with ridiculous tips for everyday life. So, if you have a tip post it here. Here is mine for today:
Worried about your weight ladies and gentlemen??? Want to lose lbs fast without having to go through a strict regime of diet and exercise?? The answer is simple.... take a piece of out of date raw chicken from your refrigerator, cut into small pieces and eat. Now watch your weight drop over the next few days, guaranteed results.
Who's the man that won't cop out when there's danger all about? |
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BLT
> Teenager of the Year <
South Sandwich Islands
4204 Posts |
Posted - 09/24/2003 : 22:48:32
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| Need a day off work for a medical appointment? Phone in and tell the boss you're sick. Hey presto, you've got your day off with full pay. |
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Stuart
- The Clopser -
China
2291 Posts |
Posted - 09/25/2003 : 00:26:12
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From Viz:
Next time you go to the local supermarket, stick carpet tiles to the soles of your shoes. They'll make Safeway feel like your own living room.
Who's the man that won't cop out when there's danger all about? |
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Stuart
- The Clopser -
China
2291 Posts |
Posted - 09/25/2003 : 00:42:07
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Another one:
Old telephone directories make perfect address books. Simply cross out the people you don't know.
And Another...
STOP squirrels and birds taking food from your bird table by
placing the food inside a biscuit tin, and securing the lid with
heavy duty tape.
And another....
If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.
And more...
Make your girlfriend cry when you're having sex by phoning her up and telling her.
Last one:
Dyslexics. Try deliberately spelling words wrongly. This way at least you have a chance of spelling them correctly.
Who's the man that won't cop out when there's danger all about? |
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mun chien andalusia
= Quote Accumulator =
Italy
2139 Posts |
Posted - 09/25/2003 : 03:36:31
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 Presented In Mind Control/Where Available
www.munchienandalusia.too.it |
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Ten Percenter
- FB Enquirer -
United Kingdom
1733 Posts |
Posted - 09/25/2003 : 04:13:24
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Don't waste money on expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.
No man is an island, unless he is in the bath |
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the swimmer
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1602 Posts |
Posted - 09/25/2003 : 06:40:21
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Want to stop wasting your time on stupid posts? Skip them.
[should have taken my own advice] |
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Stuart
- The Clopser -
China
2291 Posts |
Posted - 09/25/2003 : 07:36:12
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Yeah, why didn't you?
Who's the man that won't cop out when there's danger all about? |
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Dave Noisy
Minister of Chaos
Canada
4496 Posts |
Posted - 09/25/2003 : 12:19:37
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Here's a very un-PC one a friend of mine came up with in high skool 10+ yrs ago:
"Why aren't battered children ever deep-fried?" |
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 09/25/2003 : 13:44:37
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[quote]Originally posted by Stuart
Another one:
Old telephone directories make perfect address books. Simply cross out the people you don't know.
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Stuart, I like you* - you made me laugh like an imbecile at that one.
*I figured you've probably gotten the full Dead Milkmen quote one too many times, already.
"Toynbee ideas in Kubrick's 2001 resurrect dead on planet Jupiter"
-Unknown |
Edited by - apl4eris on 09/25/2003 13:46:46 |
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Stuart
- The Clopser -
China
2291 Posts |
Posted - 09/25/2003 : 18:28:07
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apl4eris..... thank you. Good to see someone is enjoying this stupid post, which I agree it is as Viz is a totally absurd and ridiculous comic. I don't actually know the milkmen one and would like to hear it.
Interesting name by the way!
Who's the man that won't cop out when there's danger all about? |
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Stuart
- The Clopser -
China
2291 Posts |
Posted - 09/25/2003 : 18:38:21
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Here is some more from the Viz website:
Create instant designer stubble by sucking a magnet and dipping your chin into a bowl of iron filings.
An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.
Who's the man that won't cop out when there's danger all about? |
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PsychicTwin
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1772 Posts |
Posted - 09/26/2003 : 06:16:58
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quote:
Originally posted by Stuart
An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.
hahahahahaha
--> http://psychictwin.tripod.com <-- |
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 09/26/2003 : 06:58:34
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quote:
Originally posted by Stuart
apl4eris..... thank you. Good to see someone is enjoying this stupid post, which I agree it is as Viz is a totally absurd and ridiculous comic. I don't actually know the milkmen one and would like to hear it.
Interesting name by the way!
Who's the man that won't cop out when there's danger all about?
Thanks!
Hmm, from the Beelzebubba album - sweet sweet, every song a classic, IMHO! 3rd song, "Stuart":
"Stuart, I like you....you're not like the other people...here, in the trailer park."
A song about burrow owls, losing a head on a ferris wheel, a conspiracy to ruin the soil, and aliens in Pueblo, CO.
"Toynbee ideas in Kubrick's 2001 resurrect dead on planet Jupiter"
-Unknown |
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mereubu
= FB QuizMistress =
USA
2677 Posts |
Posted - 09/26/2003 : 07:24:19
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I was just listening to Beelzebubba yesterday. It still makes me so very happy. "They're buildling landing strips for gay martians, I swear to god!"
"I joined the Cult of Frank / And all I got was this lousy icon" |
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 09/26/2003 : 07:38:23
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Yeah - good times! I believe that album was responsible for helping me catch my mate so many years ago! Man - it's been a while - I just remembered it was the mixer, not a ferris wheel, that decapitated that kid:
"...the man said "keep your head and arms inside the mixer at all times." but bill jr., he was a DAREdevil., just like his old man. he was leaning out saying, "hey everybody, look at me, look at me". pow! he was decapitated. they found his head over by the snowcone concession."
"Toynbee ideas in Kubrick's 2001 resurrect dead on planet Jupiter"
-Unknown |
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mereubu
= FB QuizMistress =
USA
2677 Posts |
Posted - 09/26/2003 : 08:42:13
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Yep, I wonder how many other folks have used the Dead Milkmen to snare their own true love. The night I met my husband, he serenaded me w/"The Puking Song" and that was that. Our poor daughter has no idea how close she came to being named "Minnie Pearl" a la Punk Rock Girl.
"I joined the Cult of Frank / And all I got was this lousy icon" |
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the swimmer
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1602 Posts |
Posted - 09/26/2003 : 08:49:03
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quote:
Originally posted by mereubu
Yep, I wonder how many other folks have used the Dead Milkmen to snare their own true love. The night I met my husband, he serenaded me w/"The Puking Song" and that was that. Our poor daughter has no idea how close she came to being named "Minnie Pearl" a la Punk Rock Girl.
"I joined the Cult of Frank / And all I got was this lousy icon"
The "Big Lizard in my Backyard" album holds a special place in my heart.
Taking retards to the Zoo is SOOOOOOOOOO awesome. |
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 09/26/2003 : 09:03:59
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quote:
Originally posted by mereubu
Yep, I wonder how many other folks have used the Dead Milkmen to snare their own true love. The night I met my husband, he serenaded me w/"The Puking Song" and that was that. Our poor daughter has no idea how close she came to being named "Minnie Pearl" a la Punk Rock Girl.
"I joined the Cult of Frank / And all I got was this lousy icon"
I don't know why, but the thought of naming a child Minnie Pearl makes me extraordinarily happy! 
Wow - you got a serenade of The Puking Song? THAT is true love. My hubby and I were so lamely scared of each other when we met, we just traded tapes on the school bus, my DM for his Pink Floyd, "Animals". We must have been 2 of the shyest people on the planet.
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As long as we're raiding the pantry for "top tips", here is a clever one I stole from Mr. Handy:
Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.
"Toynbee ideas in Kubrick's 2001 resurrect dead on planet Jupiter"
-Unknown |
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mereubu
= FB QuizMistress =
USA
2677 Posts |
Posted - 09/26/2003 : 09:19:41
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apl4eris: That's so sweet. I have to say that I think he got the better end of the trade, though.
I've only seen the DM once, in Madison, WI in 1993. We asked Joe Jack Talcum what the chances were of them playing The Puking Song, and he said, "Uh, zero. We're trying to mature as a band." We told him our little story and they actually played it as an encore. They're lovely, tiny men.
swimmer: My honey got me a "Big Lizard" t-shirt for my birthday. It is very yellow.
"I joined the Cult of Frank / And all I got was this lousy icon" |
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