| Author |
 Topic  |
|
El Barto
= Song DB Master =
USA
4020 Posts |
 Posted - 09/04/2003 : 16:52:00
|
Thanks for hijacking my thread, knuckleheads.
---------
FRANK BLACK SATAN WORKSHIP BLACK MASS |
 |
|
|
Dave Noisy
Minister of Chaos
Canada
4496 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2003 : 22:55:47
|
=)
I think we've said what needed to be said - now go forth and prosper, young grasshopper! |
|
|
|
Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
Posted - 09/08/2003 : 12:02:22
|
Well this was shut down but I've been thinkin about some of it and I wanted to ask,
Jim in all honesty, do you find yourself to be codependent on your girlfriend? |
|
|
|
El Barto
= Song DB Master =
USA
4020 Posts |
Posted - 09/08/2003 : 17:11:35
|
In a way, but not in an extreme way. I've always been a big advocate of "being able to make oneself happy alone before and while being in a relationship," and I often preech it (most recently to my older sister who broke up with her loser boyfriend...who...actually...is Brett, who Megan used to date...it's really fucked up guys, lol...Beth used to date Brett before Megan did, but Megan was friends with Brett for much longer). Anyhow, so not in an extreme way. I don't base my entire life on her, I don't expect her to be there for everything. While I miss her when she's gone, I don't sit there and pine for her, you know what I mean? I'd sure as hell miss her a LOT...i mean, A LOT if we broke up. But I'm able to be happy by myself.
---------
FRANK BLACK SATAN WORKSHIP BLACK MASS |
|
|
|
Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
Posted - 09/10/2003 : 09:39:46
|
| My husband and I both were baptized and I never really understood this ritual. When it came to our kids I said no, which upset his dad, my granny etc. I said to him that I just can't believe in a god that would damn my kids because I did not have them baptized, then he looked at me and he said "Well just in case...." I thought that was funny. |
|
|
|
Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
Posted - 09/10/2003 : 09:41:51
|
Did you say that you want to have sex with other girls?
This is an interesting situation. |
|
|
|
El Barto
= Song DB Master =
USA
4020 Posts |
Posted - 09/10/2003 : 12:34:15
|
quote:
When it came to our kids I said no, which upset his dad, my granny etc.
Kudos to you, Carolyn, I think you made the right decision. I don't think children should be baptised...I don't think children should be brought up in a religious environment. They're not given a choice, they're too young to form their own opinion, and religion and acceptance of God is a pretty deep and heavy subject that they don't fully comprehend. One should be baptised as a teenager, around the high school age. I was confirmed in 8th grade and immedietly when I started HS I started to not believe in God. I think they confirm you at that age because they know you'll begin to change and start thinking more independantly.
Yes, I sort of do, but only because I'm not getting the sexin at home. If I got sex at home, I wouldn't crave it elsewhere. I just get bothered by the thought that there are girls out there with a high sex drive and I'm not with one of them.
---------
FRANK BLACK SATAN WORKSHIP BLACK MASS |
|
|
|
Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
Posted - 09/10/2003 : 13:19:30
|
You know, I'm gonna write some shit here just to see if any of it hits home. This is not some feminist rant, I swear I'm trying to help. If its all irrelevant then ignore. I'm going to assume that your girlfriend is attractive and I'm going to assume that this Brett guy is an asshole which means that your girlfriend has gone out with at least one asshole before. Which also means she might have some more soul searching to do b/c girls don't go out with assholes coincidentally, usually. Okay then, sometimes sex gets a little ruined for women, or at least it becomes something other than the beautiful thing its supposed to be. Whether its the hormonal babysitter who couldn't keep his teenage hands of your jailbait body, or the date that went too far without your permission or realized that you weren't going to put out so they promptly leave, to the obsessed ex who could not get it through their thick skulls that you don't like them so they end up stalking you and/or worse, or a person you trusted that ditches you right after sex b/c that's all they wanted, right down to the images that our north american society dictates that we should be or at least look light and the double standards that still exist etc etc etc. Really I can't name one girlfriend of mine that has not had at least one of these situations occur, the newspapers have some kind of item on assault/abuse/rape everyday. Really think about what kind of message this sends to women and is embedded in their psyche. I swear I once had a boss at a temp job who told me its too bad I couldn't stay b/c I make nice scenery. Sometimes you just feel like screaming hello I'm a person with a brain and everything. All of our lives people say sex is bad don't do it, and then we're supposed to do it all the time when we settle down with one person. Alot of women have problems with trust. I believe your girlfriend loves you and trusts you but really take into account what message you're sending. I'm frustrated or at least not quite content because of the lack of sex that we're having or if we had more sex I would be happier. Maybe she would think that in order to make you happy she has to have sex with you, this brings a whole array of bitterness and mistrust etc. That's a pretty powerful confirmation of alot of my previous ramble. So be very careful what you do,let her know you love her unconditionally, don't complain too much about it and it'll come back in time.
|
Edited by - Carolynanna on 09/11/2003 09:29:35 |
|
|
|
Dave Noisy
Minister of Chaos
Canada
4496 Posts |
Posted - 09/10/2003 : 19:04:46
|
Hey Carolyn, i just read your post.
Are you gay? You said 'all my girlfriends'.
jk!! I got more out of the post than that. =P
Trust is a very dynamic and often difficult thing. Factor? I know it's gonna take me a while to really trust someone. If ever. (Shitty upbringing, thanks mom.) |
|
|
|
martha_promise
= Cult of Ray =
USA
398 Posts |
Posted - 09/10/2003 : 21:11:20
|
A/F/C..., Congrads!, on the marriage.
My wife and I were 8.5 years into it until we tied the knot. Like you said, it wasn't always easy but it was always worth it though,... eh?
Anyways, everyone on this forum seems awfully intelligent and you should all give yourselves a hand. It's pretty cool though, knowing that there really are a lot of brilliant people out there. It seems a lot of time I need to remind myself of that.
~Polly-ann drove steel like a man~ |
|
|
|
Cult_Of_Frank
= Black Noise Maker =
Canada
11687 Posts |
Posted - 09/10/2003 : 21:28:36
|
Has the big day passed? This calls for yet another celebratory thread...
 "Join the Cult of Frank / And you'll be enlightened" |
|
|
|
El Barto
= Song DB Master =
USA
4020 Posts |
Posted - 09/10/2003 : 22:22:48
|
I agree with you Carolyn, completely. It's frustrating to me because I know she enjoys sex...she admits to it during and after. I know she enjoys having it, it makes her feel good, etc. I'm not looking for sex to get off. In fact, I physically and mentally cannot have sex just to get off...I want to please and be pleased. I can't get my self in a state of mind where I say "OK, I'm just gonna fuck her and cum and that's it." She has to be comfortable, she has to be enjoying herself, or else I can't...stay up. It's really weird, but that's true. And I can tell when she's not enjoying herself and stuff, maybe sometimes I'm just paranoid. Anyhow...
Yeah, it just frustrates me and even frustrates her with the lack of sex drive...I mean, it feels good for the both of us, so why not? This is what I don't get.
---------
FRANK BLACK SATAN WORKSHIP BLACK MASS |
|
|
|
Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
Posted - 09/11/2003 : 08:17:04
|
Its not the sex itself, like you said its all good when you get into it. Its the getting into it in the first place (thats what I meant in my other post). I'm gonna hazard a guess to say that sex does not mean to her what it means to you.
Dave, I hear you on the shitty upbringing (thanks dad). I could rant here for awhile but I won't.
Who got married? |
|
|
|
Cult_Of_Frank
= Black Noise Maker =
Canada
11687 Posts |
Posted - 09/11/2003 : 08:28:32
|
I THINK that Tim (Atheist4Catholics) did... I know he was engaged, but not sure. When martha pops back in we'll hopefully find out.
"Join the Cult of Frank / And you'll be enlightened" |
|
|
|
mereubu
= FB QuizMistress =
USA
2677 Posts |
Posted - 09/11/2003 : 14:08:21
|
Wedding's on the 20th--it's in his post earlier in this thread. Hang in there, Tim! That wedding countdown is always just crazy.
"I joined the Cult of Frank / And all I got was this lousy icon" |
|
|
|
Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
Posted - 09/11/2003 : 14:10:28
|
They should have that wedding singer from I think Old School, that part cracked me up so much, I still laugh when I think about it now.
and then I see that fuckin look in your eyes... |
Edited by - Carolynanna on 09/11/2003 14:20:03 |
|
|
|
Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2003 : 09:00:04
|
quote:
Originally posted by El Barto
I agree with you Carolyn, completely. It's frustrating to me because I know she enjoys sex...she admits to it during and after. I know she enjoys having it, it makes her feel good, etc. I'm not looking for sex to get off. In fact, I physically and mentally cannot have sex just to get off...I want to please and be pleased. I can't get my self in a state of mind where I say "OK, I'm just gonna fuck her and cum and that's it." She has to be comfortable, she has to be enjoying herself, or else I can't...stay up. It's really weird, but that's true. And I can tell when she's not enjoying herself and stuff, maybe sometimes I'm just paranoid. Anyhow...
Yeah, it just frustrates me and even frustrates her with the lack of sex drive...I mean, it feels good for the both of us, so why not? This is what I don't get.
---------
FRANK BLACK SATAN WORKSHIP BLACK MASS
I'm not sure you got my point. Its not about how considerate of a lover you are, in fact if I'm right (if) then its not even really about you. Okay I'll give you an example, let's see hmmmm. Okay, we all already know I don't care too much for my dad, for so many reasons, but I'll use one of his annoying narcissitic habits. He's pretty self involved, to the point he doesn't ever listen to a freaking word I say. If I'm talking for like a minute he won't respond whatsoever and I'll say hello or hey did you hear me and he'll say no so I'll repeat what I said. Then he still doesn't listen and he doesn't even pretend to listen. He'll do stuff like just get up and walk away or cut me right off and start talking about whatever pops into his head etc. Whew, anyways I swear there's a point coming... Once in a blue moon my husband Mike will totally zone out and not hear something I said, and I am instantly irate, I mean I get super pissed. And I have to conciously think; Carolyn who is it you're really mad at here, Mike doesn't do that on purpose or that often and he would surely never mean to hurt me. And I have to put it together in my head that way or I'll end up freaking out on him for something that's not his fault. See the connection to my earlier post? Maybe your girlfriend had some experiences and you're paying for them. That's why I asked you if you were co-dependent cuz if you were that would bring a lot of pressure and might totally scare her off. Or even better, think of the shit I posted earlier and figure out why I freaked out about the gangbangland comment. And its even worse if she does trust you b/c if someone she trusts could make her feel bad then she's going to bitter/jaded etc. that's why I said be careful, and think about the message you might be sending "I'm not really happy with you because we don't have enough sex". Does this make it any clearer?
And Dave, I'm not gay but I have been hit on by what I think is more than my fair share of women. |
|
|
|
Dave Noisy
Minister of Chaos
Canada
4496 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2003 : 12:28:34
|
Good post Carolyn, tho i must request you use more line breaks! It's damn hard reading one big paragraph like that!!
It's amazing how much we need to 'reprogram' ourselves in day-to-day life, to deal with the 'built-in' nuances our parents inserted on us in the first few years of our lives. (Wish i'd been more aware of this when i was in relationships...thank again mom.)
re: getting hit on..wish i could say that. =P |
|
|
|
Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2003 : 12:55:06
|
Oops, I see what ya mean, I'll use more breaks next time.
It's learned behaviour (now I have pearl jam in my head), and the defense mechanisms we use with our parents never work in other relationships, at least not well. Now if I could explain this to my husband...... |
|
|
|
mereubu
= FB QuizMistress =
USA
2677 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2003 : 14:55:35
|
Carolyn, I totally agree with you in your earlier post about all the crap that some (hell, MOST--I don't know hardly anyone who hasn't had something bad happen to them--don't get me started!) women have to set aside sometimes in order to feel like sex is something that they actually want. And nothing will make any woman want sex less than feeling pressured about it or feeling that she can't trust her partner.
Jim, I giggled earlier when you said that it bothered you that there were "girls out there with a high sex drive." Show them to me! If you just mean general promiscuity, I have to tell you that most truly promiscuous girls that I have known were never in it for the sex but were confused, unhappy people who were looking for affection and attention the only way they know how. (Incidentally, a large number of the women who work in porn would fall under this category of women with very unhappy histories.) You may come across the occasional woman who sleeps around just for fun but it's always been my perception that this is not the norm. (Happy promiscuous women, speak up if I'm wrong. I don't mean to step on your toes.) For women in relationships, sex drive is tied to what's going on in your life and who you're with. I was in a long relationship with an emotionally distant, critical, moody, grade-A asshole and I felt like there was something wrong with me 'cause I just didn't feel particularly attracted to him most of the time. (And believe me, Mr. Hypercritical never let me forget it.) In my next relationship w/a sweet, funny person who was clearly crazy about me, we were all over each other. (I in no way mean to imply that you are like the grade-A asshole. Just an example.)
And like Veronica said earlier, there are times in life when sex takes a back burner. Grad school is a superbusy time. There are other times to connect with someone besides sex at such times. It's not going anywhere--it'll still be there when you get back to it, and that's normal.
"I joined the Cult of Frank / And all I got was this lousy icon" |
|
|
|
speedy_m
= Frankofile =
Canada
3581 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2003 : 15:10:37
|
| This perception that men are sexual predators is really sad, it makes it very difficult to be a genuine, friendly guy around new women and not appear to be attempting to bed them. Perhaps that saddest part is that that perception is fairly accurate, and far too many "men" fall into that category. However, think about how many assholes out there get regular sex from all these poor innocent girls, and how many perfectly nice fellers are for the most part, by themselves. Perhaps I'm just a little bitter. But I do feel for women who are treated merely as objects, it's really depressing and degrading. And it's degrading to the person who treats the women like objects. The one and only time I was in a strip club, I felt sick, and I felt the men in that place were being degraded right along with the dancers on stage. |
|
|
|
Cult_Of_Frank
= Black Noise Maker =
Canada
11687 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2003 : 15:13:50
|
What can I say except hear, hear.
 "Join the Cult of Frank / And you'll be enlightened" |
|
|
|
mereubu
= FB QuizMistress =
USA
2677 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2003 : 15:19:13
|
Yep, North America is mighty confused about sex. I wish it could be the fun, hot thing for everyone that it's supposed to be instead of all this shit that makes people feel bad about each other. I was about to say that I don't know how such a basic human need got so degraded, but then hell, look at how we've responded to hunger: fast food!
Mmm, fast food . . .
"I joined the Cult of Frank / And all I got was this lousy icon" |
Edited by - mereubu on 09/12/2003 15:21:25 |
|
|
|
speedy_m
= Frankofile =
Canada
3581 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2003 : 15:20:52
|
| Excellent anaology, mere. I couldn't agree more. Not that the treatment of women is much better in the rest of the world, but at least we have a uniquely american awful way of doing things. |
|
|
|
mereubu
= FB QuizMistress =
USA
2677 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2003 : 15:25:44
|
I guess we could go get into a whole it's-christianity's-fault-and-when-you-demonize-something-and-make-it-all-shh-it's-a-secret-and-bad-even-though-it-feels-good-then-it's-bound-to-get-perverted thing, but I'm just too tired.
Help! I'm hyphen-happy today!
"I joined the Cult of Frank / And all I got was this lousy icon" |
|
|
|
speedy_m
= Frankofile =
Canada
3581 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2003 : 15:29:41
|
| I'm hyphen-sad today... sigh.... |
|
|
|
El Barto
= Song DB Master =
USA
4020 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2003 : 19:56:35
|
Thanks for the advice, sarah and carolyn, it all makes perfect sense. I totally understand what you mean...I guess it's just hard for me to comprehend why someone wouldn't want sex when they really do enjoy the act and outcome, etc...like...I just don't know. I don't understand why I want sex so much.
"I joined the Cult of Frank / But I don't post every 5 fucking minutes" |
|
|
|
Dave Noisy
Minister of Chaos
Canada
4496 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2003 : 22:52:51
|
hmm..to play on a gender role-reversal...for guys who are quite eager to have sex with a lot of women...do you think they are suffering in a similar way?
Like, some of the folks i hang around with will see an attractive woman walk by and react with something like 'ouch!', as in 'man she's hot!' and i don't get that so much.. Like seriously, the cringe, they physically react...it's weird. |
|
|
|
Topic |
|
Topic Locked
