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the swimmer
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1602 Posts |
 Posted - 03/24/2003 : 12:35:53
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quote:
Originally posted by El Barto
Oh just shut up and take off your clothes, woman.
El, that's sexist. And sexy. I love it when you get in your bossy mode. 
I really didn't mean to make anyone mad. I can't look back at posts, cuz you deleted them all.
Sarcasm - Saying a multiple litany of wonderful things about women, then saying something base - like "For me to poop on" a la Triumph should be considered SARCASM.
Don't be mad....don't be a hater. |
Edited by - the swimmer on 03/24/2003 12:37:01 |
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mereubu
= FB QuizMistress =
USA
2677 Posts |
Posted - 03/25/2003 : 08:48:58
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quote:
Originally posted by El Barto
Oh just shut up and take off your clothes, woman.
Cool your heels, Junior! I'm old enough to be your (unwed, teenaged) mother!
And yes, swimmer, thanks for explaining sarcasm to me, but I personally prefer irony. I know you're just trying to be funny, but I have honestly had to put up with enough shit in earnest that even sarcastic faux-sexism is simply not as funny to me as it was in junior high.
Peace out,
Sarah |
Edited by - mereubu on 03/25/2003 08:53:22 |
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misterwoe
= Cult of Ray =
Greece
675 Posts |
Posted - 03/25/2003 : 09:23:22
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Anyway...I'm going to write a song about pornography. I know it sounds a little shallow, but I think I can pull it off.
Hey Switchy, I would totally trade for some bootlegs, but I'm too paranoid to give out my real address...don't you know Big Brother is watching?
Gee, with all that porn, I hope they can't see me through my TV. The thought of it, however, is a bit naughty--the government watching me and all.
How about some Ether? |
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switchy
- Gigographer -
USA
324 Posts |
Posted - 03/25/2003 : 18:08:39
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misterwoe, you must have some KINKY shit!  otherwise, it's nothing to be paranoid about.
i also just started working on a song about porn. i've got some of the music and the chorus done..
"got me a big ol' box of used up por-no oh-oh-oh-oh,
they say i should throw it out but i love it so-oh oh-oh-oh-oh"
i haven't filled out the publishing forms yet, so PLEASE.. no one rip me off. |
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Speedy Marie
- FB Fan -
USA
35 Posts |
Posted - 03/26/2003 : 16:12:03
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My favorite porn experience is when i came home from a night out with my friends once and caught my boyfriend watching a porno and playing with Herman the One-Eyed German. It didn't bother me one bit. as a matter of fact, i asked him if he was almost done so i could have my turn next.
He just smiled and said that it was most definitely my turn next, and he was getting ready for round 2 by getting the notoriously "shorter" round 1 out of the way. Being the loving girlfriend I am...I went to the bathroom for the Puffs w/lotion and brought them back for him.
As far as watching porn is concerned, it doesn't really do much for me, but i wouldn't say that i find it exactly degrading either. I suppose its just BORING to me. I'm pretty visual but its all so STAGED that it gets annoying sometimes. Plus the word "porn" always reminds me of a bunch of teenaged boys sitting around reading the latest issue of "Hometown Gash" or something...
happy are my mind and my soul and my heart |
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the swimmer
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1602 Posts |
Posted - 03/27/2003 : 06:33:58
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quote:
Originally posted by Speedy Marie
My favorite porn experience is when i came home from a night out with my friends once and caught my boyfriend watching a porno and playing with Herman the One-Eyed German. It didn't bother me one bit. as a matter of fact, i asked him if he was almost done so i could have my turn next.
He just smiled and said that it was most definitely my turn next, and he was getting ready for round 2 by getting the notoriously "shorter" round 1 out of the way. Being the loving girlfriend I am...I went to the bathroom for the Puffs w/lotion and brought them back for him.
As far as watching porn is concerned, it doesn't really do much for me, but i wouldn't say that i find it exactly degrading either. I suppose its just BORING to me. I'm pretty visual but its all so STAGED that it gets annoying sometimes. Plus the word "porn" always reminds me of a bunch of teenaged boys sitting around reading the latest issue of "Hometown Gash" or something...
happy are my mind and my soul and my heart
That was almost like reading a penthouse letters selection.
Almost.
Thanks for sharing. You're right about a lot of it being boring and staged. There are some gems, but even those get definitely unshiny after a few uses.
I learned a lot of new euphamisms from your post, and for that, I must thank you again. Herman the one eyed German was a doozy.
I must admit, "Hometown Gash" is like a magazine I'd peek through real fast at the newstand but never buy. It sounds like it actually could be a real magazine.
I mean they have one called, of all things, "Finally Legal."
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Speedy Marie
- FB Fan -
USA
35 Posts |
Posted - 03/27/2003 : 08:53:36
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Well, I was definitely going for the Penthouse Letters type of post. I guess next time I'll have to try a little harder. Mostly porn is funny, so I can't help but laugh and think of silliness when it comes to mind.
happy are my mind and my soul and my heart |
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the swimmer
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1602 Posts |
Posted - 03/27/2003 : 10:18:43
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quote:
Originally posted by Speedy Marie
Well, I was definitely going for the Penthouse Letters type of post. I guess next time I'll have to try a little harder. Mostly porn is funny, so I can't help but laugh and think of silliness when it comes to mind.
Dear Penthouse,
You'll never believe what happened to me...
I went to a Frank Black and the Catholics show and I wet my panties.
Love,
The Swimmer |
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Speedy Marie
- FB Fan -
USA
35 Posts |
Posted - 03/27/2003 : 10:24:46
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On purpose. I'm a bad, bad girl.
happy are my mind and my soul and my heart |
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misterwoe
= Cult of Ray =
Greece
675 Posts |
Posted - 03/27/2003 : 11:08:22
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Hey Switchy, can you email me a list of your bootlegs, along with what you're looking for porno wise?
Don't you hate it when you're masterbating to whatever, and someone starts knocking on the door? I think that is very annoying. I think that has had to happen to everybody at least once. Stories anyone?
How about some Ether? |
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the swimmer
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1602 Posts |
Posted - 03/27/2003 : 11:57:59
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quote:
Originally posted by misterwoe
Don't you hate it.... Stories anyone?
Don't you hate it when you don't have anything to masturbate to except the Swiss Miss Girl on the hot chocolate Package?
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Speedy Marie
- FB Fan -
USA
35 Posts |
Posted - 03/27/2003 : 13:07:52
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LMFAO!
Don't you hate it when you are masturbating to Spongebob Squarepants and Patrick REFUSES to take off those "barely there" shorts?
goddamnit!
happy are my mind and my soul and my heart |
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the swimmer
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1602 Posts |
Posted - 03/27/2003 : 16:13:32
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quote:
Originally posted by Speedy Marie
LMFAO!
Don't you hate it when you are masturbating to Spongebob Squarepants and Patrick REFUSES to take off those "barely there" shorts?
goddamnit!
happy are my mind and my soul and my heart
He has "crabs" anyway!! |
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El Barto
= Song DB Master =
USA
4020 Posts |
Posted - 03/27/2003 : 19:06:17
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One time I was masturbating and the doorbell rang. It was the plumber...I didn't call a plumber. No wait, that was in a movie.
Actually, I stole it from a song. There's this band/album called Pornosonic, and some songs have little sound bites before them featuring Ron Jeremy. They're fuckin hilarious, and the music is actually good...it rocks and grooves. Look em up. My favorites are "Laying Pipe" and "Cramming For College" |
Edited by - El Barto on 03/27/2003 19:07:32 |
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samuel
- FB Fan -
USA
30 Posts |
Posted - 03/28/2003 : 02:43:21
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| geez |
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Speedy Marie
- FB Fan -
USA
35 Posts |
Posted - 03/28/2003 : 04:24:19
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*goes to download some Pornosonic* there's nothing like "The Hedgehog" to put a girl in the mood for some lovin'!
happy are my mind and my soul and my heart |
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the swimmer
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1602 Posts |
Posted - 03/28/2003 : 07:36:08
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quote:
Originally posted by Speedy Marie
*goes to download some Pornosonic* there's nothing like "The Hedgehog" to put a girl in the mood for some lovin'!
happy are my mind and my soul and my heart
2 words for the hedgehog = Electrolysis and Liposuction
But, he has done alright for himself, so what do I know?
Nothing. |
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El Barto
= Song DB Master =
USA
4020 Posts |
Posted - 03/28/2003 : 15:03:36
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| Haha...he's freakin weird. Imagine hanging out with him...what the fuck would that be like? |
Edited by - El Barto on 03/28/2003 15:05:44 |
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the swimmer
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1602 Posts |
Posted - 03/28/2003 : 20:00:18
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| Well, you'd be the life of the party I'm sure. |
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Speedy Marie
- FB Fan -
USA
35 Posts |
Posted - 03/28/2003 : 21:21:24
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I saw Ron Jeremy at the airport in Cleveland once. He was wearing flip-flops and sweatpants, and his hair was all Jim Trafficant.
That just goes to show you that he can't be basking in the glow of his sweaty, grunting glamour at all times. Yes, Ron is a real person too, no matter HOW hard that is to believe.
happy are my mind and my soul and my heart |
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the swimmer
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1602 Posts |
Posted - 03/29/2003 : 09:19:53
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How does she come up with all these zingers?
She's better built that's how. She's built for speed. |
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mereubu
= FB QuizMistress =
USA
2677 Posts |
Posted - 03/29/2003 : 10:11:18
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quote:
Originally posted by Speedy Marie
That just goes to show you that he can't be basking in the glow of his sweaty, grunting glamour at all times.
<shudder> |
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Malax
* Dog in the Sand *
United Kingdom
1340 Posts |
Posted - 03/29/2003 : 17:06:17
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| I dont have any porn related storys but I have a really not funny story about my first, shall we say experience. Which involved me mising ozzfest for which I had free backstage passes to. It would take me forever to type though so..... |
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mereubu
= FB QuizMistress =
USA
2677 Posts |
Posted - 03/29/2003 : 17:13:21
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quote:
Originally posted by Malax
I dont have any porn related storys but I have a really not funny story about my first, shall we say experience. Which involved me mising ozzfest for which I had free backstage passes to. It would take me forever to type though so.....
Bring it over the Henhouse, m'dear! That sounds like our kind of tale of woe. |
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switchy
- Gigographer -
USA
324 Posts |
Posted - 03/29/2003 : 21:39:21
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I'm proud to say I've never been to the Henhouse. I guess I'm just an elitist. too trendy for me. in fact, this "Pornography" topic is becoming too "cool", so I may have to distance myself from it soon.
Ha,no, just kidding about the elitist shit, but seriously i've never read that Henhouse topic. Maybe someday when it finally dies down i'll take a couple days off work and read through it all. |
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Speedy Marie
- FB Fan -
USA
35 Posts |
Posted - 03/30/2003 : 04:59:10
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I am not cool damnit! I simply posted because I am immune to the mind-altering effects of Ron J...for some reason just looking at him makes me think of just about EVERY MC Paul Barman song, ESPECIALLY "Cockmobster". I wanted the world to know this. That is all, thank you.
happy are my mind and my soul and my heart |
Edited by - Speedy Marie on 03/30/2003 10:37:09 |
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St. Francis
= Cult of Ray =
Canada
548 Posts |
Posted - 04/02/2003 : 14:11:48
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quote:
Originally posted by El Barto
Haha...he's freakin weird. Imagine hanging out with him...what the fuck would that be like?
It would be a lesson in insecurity... you know what he's packin' and you've seen what he's done.
Would be like "Yoda... help me with the force"....
That's Better... It's about time I changed my signature |
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Leah
= Cult of Ray =
United Kingdom
314 Posts |
Posted - 04/11/2003 : 05:52:02
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See now that last post was just unecessary. I like porn. I think its healthy. I can honestly say tho' that the vast majority of it make me giggle because of its utter naffness.
That said, I do think Ben Dover should get an oscar for some of his performances - certainly more deserving that some of the mainstream cinematic slop around these days...
Every choice human being strives instinctively for a citadel and a secrecy where he is saved from the crowd -
Nietzsche |
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PsychicTwin
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1772 Posts |
Posted - 04/14/2003 : 17:04:57
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Leah- that's a cool sig. never heard that before
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glacial906
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1738 Posts |
Posted - 07/06/2003 : 22:36:15
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does anybody out there think that creampies are as arousing as I do? there's nothing more appealing than to just let it rip up in a girl.
glacial |
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glacial906
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1738 Posts |
Posted - 07/06/2003 : 22:40:47
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Hey.
Also, does anybody out there wonder how we're all sitting around typing about our masturbation habits in a Frank Black forum? It makes you wonder. Does Frank masturbate? And if so, what does he masturbate to? Anybody got any ideas?
I recall John Popper from Blues Traveller talking about how, when he was fat, he was one time sitting around watching porn. When he was about to...um...climax...his chest started hurting. When he would stop, the pain would cease. This continued on for awhile. Masturbate...chest pain. Not masturbating...no pain. Then he decided to lose weight. Kind of makes you wonder. I guess some people hold masturbation alot more important than others. But, if I had to choose, I would definitely improve my health in order to continue with the vice without having to worry about a coronary.
glacial |
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Itchload
= Cult of Ray =
USA
891 Posts |
Posted - 07/07/2003 : 13:50:21
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| John Popper was the size of 4 Frank Blacks though. |
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miguel
- FB Fan -
USA
213 Posts |
Posted - 07/07/2003 : 17:41:03
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| what's...pp..ppp..pppppp... porn? |
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the swimmer
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1602 Posts |
Posted - 07/07/2003 : 19:31:22
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quote:
Originally posted by miguel
what's...pp..ppp..pppppp... porn?
PP Porn?
Golden showers, methinks. |
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mereubu
= FB QuizMistress =
USA
2677 Posts |
Posted - 07/07/2003 : 19:55:54
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| Ahahaa! Swimmer, I just had to stop in and point out that you just got the 69th post in the porn thread. Enjoy your magic moment. : ) |
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