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El Barto
= Song DB Master =
USA
4020 Posts |
 Posted - 09/12/2004 : 08:41:58
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I haven't posted in a long time. I've been a very busy person.
I just got out of the hospital (psychiatric ward) yesterday. I was there for 4 days. Tuesday night I cut my arm up again and slit my wrist. I can't really say if it was a suicide attempt or not. I know suicide was on the brain, I know I did want to die, and I did write a little note. It couldn't have been though, because you have to cut down the wrist and not across...and I didn't write a long manifesto-like suicide note, which I've always morbidly fantasized about. I suppose I can write a manifesto without dying, though. Cutting my wrist was somehow romantic...I kissed it before I left for the hospital...how fucked up is that?
Anyhow, I'm in better shape now. I don't want to die. I went to Wal-Mart (I hate it) at 3AM yesterday after going out with friends to buy a dry erase board, which is now on my door, which I now use to write a "to do"-list sort of "short term goals" so I have things to keep myself occupied.
I'm looking to buy a new acoustic guitar and start a band...I have a friend who plays drums and I met this girl who plays keyboards and sings. I've been writing songs for quite a while, which I would describe as "Syd Barrett and Charles Thompson meet the Beach Boys." I still have to unpack my recording equipment, but I'd like to get some demos mixed down to share. A lot of the stuff is still really fragmented. Can anyone suggest a nice acoustic guitar in the $600-$900 range? Or at least, what should I look for? I'm looking at Takamines and Martins...I played this $925 Takamine that I really liked.
That's me. Hope all is well with everyone.
I guess I just wasn't made for these times. |
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2004 : 09:14:24
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Glad you're ok, Jim. I'd been wondering where you were. Are you getting any help outside of the hospital now?
I hope that you continue to recover and remain active and involved. Please don't hesistate to email me if you want to talk with someone. Best wishes!
On the acoustic guitar topic, my husband has a couple Fender acoustics that he loves, and they are very affordable -I don't think either was more than 300. He also has a Korean-made Fender 12-string that sounds amazing, but I'm not sure how much that one was. Glad to know you've gotten a band together - that's great news! |
Edited by - apl4eris on 09/28/2004 12:33:28 |
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Daisy Girl
~ Abstract Brain ~
Belize
5305 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2004 : 09:15:55
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El Barto, I am so glad that you are doing better. It was very brave of you to get help. I have been depressed too... so if you ever need to talk... just get in touch. I must say, seeing a therapist is the best thing that has worked for me.
I am happy to hear that it look like this is helping you to get into the gutair. Hope to here some of your new stuff on here. |
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n/a
deleted
4894 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2004 : 09:42:32
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So thats why it's been so quiet!
Glad to hear you're better though, being serious, I know it's a fucked up thing to go through, them short term goal thingies are good, baby steps baby steps..
the room smelled like cupids gym
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2004 : 09:50:21
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Glad to see you are OK now Jim. The band thing is a very good idea, I'm starting my own too. I also have found a female singer. Girls in bands rock!
Keep us posted with how it goes.
_________________________________________________________
Live every day as if it were your last. Eventually you'll be right
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Broken Face
-= Forum Pistolero =-
USA
5155 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2004 : 10:32:44
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Jim, i'm glad to hear that you are doing well and you are in my prayers (if that means anything to you)
As for guitars, i just got a nice Seagull that i am absolutely in love with. It has an LR Baggs pickup, a nice wide neck and t he tone is phenomenal. Seagulls range in price, but i would strongly suggest looking at the ones with the Baggs pickup - the best pickup i've ever played in an acoustic non-Martin. But then again, you can't go wrong with Martins.
-brian
 - "I joined the Cult of Frank / And they tried to cut off my nuts and make me put on a blue jumpsuit"
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Little Black Francis
> Teenager of the Year <
3648 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2004 : 11:41:40
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I am sorry Jim, please stay with us, we all here at Fb dot net WANT you to stay on this earth with us, I can safely say that.
Please go to the hospital or ask for help, I know it's tough, as soon as you have any desire to commit suicide or homicide.
People don't ask for help because they think that they are weak for asking. Please don't be afriad to ask for help. Please, I am begging.
I would buy a used takamine personally.
Please stay Jim, please.
Floops quesedillas zijn te vergelijken met het likken van fatsige Albert's aars nadat hij een fles laxeermiddel heeft leeggedronkenhehehahhahehehaha |
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Cheeseman1000
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Iceland
8201 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2004 : 13:26:10
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Take care Jim, its good to have you around. Let us know how the band is going: "Syd Barret and Charles Thompson meets the Beach Boys" - what's not to like?!
 So, I finally got my X-Wing |
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realmeanmotorscutor
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1764 Posts |
Posted - 09/16/2004 : 06:13:05
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Hey man, I haven't been reading the forum very faithfully lately, but I do remember reading something about you being depressed and I did notice an absence of Barto posts. I'm sad to hear what you've gone through, but I'm glad that you're doing well now. We don't really talk, I know, but it always bothers me when I hear/read something like this. I figured I'd tell you that, while I can't relate to you quite the same as others, I go through depression a lot. I've had some pretty good luck overcoming it (for the most part). Like others have said, feel free to email me or IM me. I probably can't do or say a damn thing that will ever help, but you have my best wishes and that means my willingness to chat. Well, anyway, good luck with the band and chin up. Places like message boards can be helpful for some people, so keep on posting if the interaction helps.
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kingphilbert
= Cult of Ray =
USA
356 Posts |
Posted - 09/16/2004 : 06:26:00
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Jim, please do take care of yourself man. My girlfirend attempted suicide in early august and it was so hard to find her like that and then to have to watch her in the hospital and psych ward. To even find out all these secrets she was keeping from me that led up to it. She found that new goals, a life change was what was best and therapy really does seem to help. Talk to people, get help were you can and stick around for a while. Everything that happened to her even opened my eyes to my own problems in life. And I started to find I really did have some, but life really is worth living.
"I mix twinkie's and ding-dong's all the time. In Europe, they call it a Dinkie!" |
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KimStanleyRobinson
* Dog in the Sand *
1972 Posts |
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GypsyDeath
Zapped Profile
3575 Posts |
Posted - 09/16/2004 : 08:35:23
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Oh god James. I dont know what to say. Well, I do, but not really suitable to place on here...
I hope, as many have already said that you are considering seeking professional help. Its not for everyone, but it is helpful to many.
I just want you to know that, no matter what, I am always thinking of you. You are one of the most special people ive had the chance of meeting, and I still hope, that one day, we will be able to speak in person.
This world is not worthy of you. Youre right, youre just not made for these times.
Nothing to see, nothing to hear,
Nothing to be, nothing to fear,
Nothing to prove, nothing to say,
Nothing to lose, nothing to gain,
Nothing to feel nothing to hate
Nothing is real, It's all too late
What do you do when nothing's wrong?
Aint got a clue, Aint got no song |
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Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
Posted - 09/16/2004 : 09:42:27
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Wow Jim,
I don't know quite what to say,
except that I hope one day you will find peace in your life.
__________
"The things that will destroy us are: politics without principle; pleasure without conscience; wealth without work; knowledge without character; business without morality; science without humanity,
and worship without sacrifice." |
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PsychicTwin
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1772 Posts |
Posted - 09/16/2004 : 11:51:27
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Jim-
I wish you the best. Glad you're still around.
Nothing is ever bad enough to merit forfeiting life itself. There is always a reason to stick around, sometimes you just have to look a little harder than usual for it.
For whatever its worth (coming from a complete stranger), I hope that you find spiritual contentment and peace within yourself. Devoting your energy to making music is a good start indeed...I know its always been an anchor for me, especially nowadays since I'm currently going through a break-up with my girlfriend of 2 and half years (who I also live with).
Take care of yourself, man. |
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kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
Posted - 09/16/2004 : 12:12:34
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That's gotta be hard, Psychic. You hang in there yourself! I'm sending good vibes your way, too.
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank |
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remig
* Dog in the Sand *
France
1734 Posts |
Posted - 09/16/2004 : 12:27:41
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As Ray Davies sang (and frank too):
Here’s wishing you the bluest sky,
And hoping something better comes tomorrow.
Hoping all the verses rhyme,
And the very best of choruses to
Follow all the doubt and sadness.
I know that better things are on the way.
Here’s hoping all the days ahead
Won’t be as bitter as the ones behind you.
Be an optimist instead,
And somehow happiness will find you.
Forget what happened yesterday,
I know that better things are on the way.
It’s really good to see you rocking out
And having fun,
Living like you just begun.
Accept your life and what it brings.
I hope tomorrow you’ll find better things.
I know tomorrow you’ll find better things.
Here’s wishing you the bluest sky,
And hoping something better comes tomorrow.
Hoping all the verses rhyme,
And the very best of choruses to
Follow all the drudge and sadness.
I know that better things are on the way.
I know you’ve got a lot of good things happening up ahead.
The past is gone it’s all been said.
So here’s to what the future brings,
I know tomorrow you’ll find better things.
I know tomorrow you’ll find better things. |
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PsychicTwin
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1772 Posts |
Posted - 09/16/2004 : 13:09:38
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quote:
Originally posted by kathryn
That's gotta be hard, Psychic. You hang in there yourself! I'm sending good vibes your way, too.
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank
hard...yeah...i'm fucking heart-broken.
thank you for the kind words, kathryn |
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 09/16/2004 : 13:18:26
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Yeah be strong PsychicTwin. I know EXACTLY how that feels.
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Live every day as if it were your last. Eventually you'll be right
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TameReg
- FB Fan -
USA
110 Posts |
Posted - 09/17/2004 : 10:46:41
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El Barto and Psychic,
Hang in there guys. Things will get better. Try to keep busy. That's the best thing when you're feeling lousy. (Granted, that's easier said than done, when you're feeling like crap, but it's still the best thing.) |
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Monsieur
* Dog in the Sand *
France
1688 Posts |
Posted - 09/17/2004 : 16:11:32
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It is time for Dr Happiness to hit the forum.
Oh, wait, I think he's on vacation.
El Jimbo, I wish you a quick recovery. Remember, you're going through something that is temporary, many people have gone through that and are feel better now.
I will show you fear in a handful of dust |
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slaveish
= Cult of Ray =
USA
269 Posts |
Posted - 09/18/2004 : 20:40:34
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Jim, wow, I don't know you very well, so I was shocked when I read that- my eyes started tearing up. I hope the best for you, and I'll share something which made me so happy today. I was working on some jewelry (my hobby and profession) and decided to dust off some old cassette tapes. I listened to three Who tapes which were recorded from crackly vinyl by a stranger- I bought them years back at a yard sale or a thrift store. Anyway, listening to "Meaty, Beaty, Big & Bouncy" made me so happy. I hope you can find joy in these simple little things, and also realize that it will get easier! Hang in there!
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ProverbialCereal
- FB TabMaster -
USA
2953 Posts |
Posted - 09/19/2004 : 09:53:10
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Stay strong, man. I was surprised to read this thread, but it's definitely good you posted it and you are ok.
Even though most of us don't have personal relationships with you, it's evident that we still care for you and wouldn't want anything to happen to you.
here is a get well virtual postcard. Not much significance. It's just cute.
Join the Cult of Stromboli / They're good |
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slaveish
= Cult of Ray =
USA
269 Posts |
Posted - 09/19/2004 : 20:02:39
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| yay for puppies! |
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toeknee
= Cult of Ray =
United Kingdom
281 Posts |
Posted - 09/20/2004 : 11:44:58
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| Can we have a group hug? I just stubbed my toe then banged my knee. |
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kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
Posted - 09/20/2004 : 12:33:45
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No group hug for you. Seriously, dude.
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank |
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 09/20/2004 : 14:28:32
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quote:
Originally posted by toeknee
Can we have a group hug? I just stubbed my toe then banged my knee.
Hence the name, very clever.
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Help me! He keeps making me post!
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Little Black Francis
> Teenager of the Year <
3648 Posts |
Posted - 09/28/2004 : 01:50:35
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I often endure these panic attacks where I think I am going to die from a Heart-Attack and shit, because of all the shit I am on, and being 27, alcholic, smoker, pill-addict, art-master; it's freaky as fuck I tell you.
Feels like I am having a mini-stroke when I go down. I hated myself today, I hated that too.
But I am still alive,
Too scared to die, too alive to live.
Floops quesedillas zijn te vergelijken met het likken van fatsige Albert's aars nadat hij een fles laxeermiddel heeft leeggedronken. |
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El Barto
= Song DB Master =
USA
4020 Posts |
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bumblebeeboy2
> Teenager of the Year <
United Kingdom
2638 Posts |
Posted - 09/28/2004 : 10:48:23
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you have nice looking friends! esp meghan! damn membership thing...
Go go the average man! What are you looking for average man? The ain't nothing average about me man! |
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 09/28/2004 : 11:18:54
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For once Simon is right, very nice looking.
Anyway, good to hear from you again and that you are OK.
Help me! He keeps making me post!
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 09/28/2004 : 12:35:41
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Glad to hear from you Jim. How's the music going? Made any guitar choices?
You buttered your bread, now lie in it. |
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KimStanleyRobinson
* Dog in the Sand *
1972 Posts |
Posted - 09/28/2004 : 16:00:19
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quote:
Originally posted by Little Black Francis
I often endure these panic attacks where I think I am going to die from a Heart-Attack and shit, because of all the shit I am on, and being 27, alcholic, smoker, pill-addict, art-master; it's freaky as fuck I tell you.
Feels like I am having a mini-stroke when I go down. I hated myself today, I hated that too.
But I am still alive,
Too scared to die, too alive to live.
So, you're alright with all this, right?
You're putting your ticker through the fucking ringer, man.
I mean, you aren't asking, but I'd say get away from the pills.
That and liquor can go full on toxic on your ass.
Careful.
My drummer went through this period where he was hanging out
with this loser stripper chick (he didn't even get any action!?!)
and doing all kinds of pills - snorting OCs and smoking crack and shit.
He was starting to cancel gigs cause he was so fucking detroyed all the time.
We had a little mini-intervention and , well... this coupled with the fact that
the stripper finally went to jail for something and he found him a nice hippie girlfriend
that just smokes a little and hits the nitrous at shows.
But anyway...lay off the pills if you can.
--------------------------------------------------
the head catatonic from the roller rink |
Edited by - KimStanleyRobinson on 09/28/2004 16:02:47 |
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Little Black Francis
> Teenager of the Year <
3648 Posts |
Posted - 09/28/2004 : 16:30:09
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I don't abuse pills, I am on 3 scripts. They actually help me. But my illness and the mass consumption of beer and cigarettes isn't helping.
I've been feeling good, a couple times a day I usually feel like total shit.
I have no job, no income, I have to go to court in November for 3 misdemeanors, my damn cat died;
I'm fucking stressed out,
getting fucked up helps me cope,
I know it's wrong, I am not in Denial,
but I got to do what I can to be happy today,
no one promised us tomorrow anyway.
I know I will have to make a change in the future,
or you all will be visiting my grave, and make sure you bring 40's of Old E with you;) (for libations)
I'm not suicidal. It's not like that really. I am too much of a pussy to do said deed.
I'd say this sums it up as I said before,
Too afraid to die, too alive to live.
I'd rather it be, not afraid to die, and too full of life. Sometimes I feel that way, sometimes I don't.
Floops quesedillas zijn te vergelijken met het likken van fatsige Albert's aars nadat hij een fles laxeermiddel heeft leeggedronken. |
Edited by - Little Black Francis on 09/28/2004 16:34:17 |
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Atheist4Catholics
= Cult of Ray =
USA
925 Posts |
Posted - 09/29/2004 : 08:27:06
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Jim - get yourself a nice Taylor acoustic. I bought a used 410CE for $900. It'll make you happy.
For more information on rock, visit www.timfranklin.net |
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El Barto
= Song DB Master =
USA
4020 Posts |
Posted - 09/29/2004 : 19:16:14
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I did buy a guitar from a friend, a nice Takamine DSF-48C. It's a really nice guitar; looks and sounds really good. I enjoyed the Takamines that I played and couldn't pass this one up.
I guess I just wasn't made for these times. |
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GypsyDeath
Zapped Profile
3575 Posts |
Posted - 09/30/2004 : 07:00:42
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hey James,
Nice to see youre doing well. Love the hair! And a tan? Interesting...hehe
God forbid I exude confidence and enjoy sex |
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Hi, me
