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jimmy
= Cult of Ray =
USA
876 Posts |
 Posted - 02/16/2006 : 19:50:22
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That's right, jimmy is back to save the day! If you have a problem, ask jimmy!
jimmy has all the answers...any problem you've got, jimmy can solve it. jimmy's got a lot of experience plus the 1997 Time/Warner World Almanac. Who won the Best Picture Oscar in 1966? jimmy knows! Madonna's full name and bithday? Ask jimmy!! How many Ethiopians can you fit in a Ford Escort? All of them.
From now on, the new name of the "Ask Jimmy" thread is "Ask Dr. Jimmy". I think it sounds better. |
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floop
= Wannabe Volunteer =
Mexico
15297 Posts |
Posted - 02/16/2006 : 20:43:40
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Dr. Jimmy,
I've been wanting to start my own advice column. What advice can you give me? |
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danjersey
> Teenager of the Year <
USA
2792 Posts |
Posted - 02/16/2006 : 21:04:35
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| Dr Jimmey, whats should i ask floop if he should start his own advice column? |
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Monsieur
* Dog in the Sand *
France
1688 Posts |
Posted - 02/17/2006 : 00:40:05
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Dr Jimmy,
Dou think spin off is a good strategic decision for Time/Warner?
I will show you fear in a handful of dust |
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 02/17/2006 : 05:21:49
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Dr Jimmy,
What advice would you give floop in giving advice to danjersey, should danjersey seek advice from floop, should floop start his own advice column?
 I'd walk her everyday, into a shady place
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vilainde
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Niue
7443 Posts |
Posted - 02/17/2006 : 05:22:50
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Dr Jimmy,
got a light?
Denis
I love Guitar Wolf from the Erath! |
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VoVat
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
USA
9168 Posts |
Posted - 02/18/2006 : 14:21:03
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Dr. Jimmy,
How many Ethiopian Oscar winners could Madonna fit into a Ford Escort?
"If you doze much longer, then life turns to dreaming. If you doze much longer, then dreams turn to nightmares." |
Edited by - VoVat on 02/18/2006 14:21:22 |
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jimmy
= Cult of Ray =
USA
876 Posts |
Posted - 02/19/2006 : 17:38:32
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Dear Floop,
Yes, I think you should start your own advice column, if only for danjersey- he's got something to ask you.
Dear Danjersey,
If Floop starts an advice column I think you should ask your question. Floop is wise and kind, but insecure and I think if you asked for advice it would give Floop the encouragement that Floop needs right now.
Dear Monsieur,
Nothing good will ever happen to Time/Warner until they apoligize to Prince for the way they treated him.
Dear HPM,
It would be wrong of me to answer that- it's really all up to Floop.
Dear Vovat,
Madonna's been having a rough time, first the riding accident, now a Grammy injury. I saw in Rolling Stone, she said she got all these great pills and she's afraid to even take Vicodin. She must be tired of people always wanting her autograph or her picture- I know if I ever met her I'd simply ask for all her dope and then leave her alone after I got it. Of course I'd camp out in her yard if there were refills to be had, but once I got those I'd leave her alone again.
Confidential to D___ in NJ: A green, milky discharge is not normal and you should see a doctor right away. |
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floop
= Wannabe Volunteer =
Mexico
15297 Posts |
Posted - 02/19/2006 : 19:16:50
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Dear Jimmy,
What happens if Danjersy asks a question that I can't answer? Should I just make up an answer to sound like I know what I'm talking about? Sometimes I worry that I won't have what it takes to have my own column. How do you do it?
Also, just curious, how has having your own adviced column affected your relationships with women? |
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danjersey
> Teenager of the Year <
USA
2792 Posts |
Posted - 02/19/2006 : 21:45:50
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Dear Floop,
Is white milky culture better than green milky discharge? |
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VoVat
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
USA
9168 Posts |
Posted - 02/20/2006 : 16:12:49
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Dr. Jimmy,
Just what is your doctorate in?
"If you doze much longer, then life turns to dreaming. If you doze much longer, then dreams turn to nightmares." |
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darwin
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
USA
5454 Posts |
Posted - 02/20/2006 : 16:46:44
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quote:
Originally posted by VoVat
Dr. Jimmy,
Just what is your doctorate in?
"If you doze much longer, then life turns to dreaming. If you doze much longer, then dreams turn to nightmares."
Maybe he doesn't have a doctorate, and is rather a pseudo-doctor with an M.D. |
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kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
Posted - 02/20/2006 : 16:59:49
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Dear Jimmy
I need some advice urgently! You know those delish Petit Ecolier cookies? How would you suggest that the slab of dark chocolate be liberated from the buttery cookie part? Thanks!
Signed,
Trying for years
I got some heaven in my head
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jimmy
= Cult of Ray =
USA
876 Posts |
Posted - 02/21/2006 : 15:10:38
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Dear Floop,
There's nothing to worry about. If your advice is good, no problem. If you're wrong, then it's someone else's life you ruined, not your own. So go out and have fun.
Dear Danjersey,
That was really funny. I didn't get it till I re-read it. Very good.
Dear Vovat & Darwin,
No doctorate. A certain episode of "The west Wing" had a Dr. Laura-like lady and they suggested that she was misleading people, that she had a doctorate but not in her field. Have you seen the naked pictures of Dr. Laura? If you haven't I suggest seeking them out.
Dear Kathryn,
That's a pretty name and I like the spelling. I'm sorry but I can't help you get the dark chocolate out of those cookies. However, I know of a few ways to extract the codiene from Tylenol w/ Codiene and I'd be happy to help anytime. Good luck. |
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misleadtheworld
* Dog in the Sand *
United Kingdom
1222 Posts |
Posted - 02/21/2006 : 16:11:17
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Dear Jimmy,
Years and years ago, a friend of mine called Jonny had a very similar set up, called 'Ask Jonny!' He was also all-knowing. I even took the liberty of writing a theme tune for the 'Ask Jonny!' moments, which I'd bash out on the glockenspiel when neccessary.
My question: Have you ever heard of 'Ask Jonny!' and if so, was he your inspiration behind 'Ask Jimmy!' I find the similarities not only admirable, but scary.
? |
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misleadtheworld
* Dog in the Sand *
United Kingdom
1222 Posts |
Posted - 02/21/2006 : 16:17:46
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(By the way, I don't know if you've got adverts for eBay that are the same here, but the little guitar bit at the end sounds suspiciously like the 'Ask Jonny!' theme tune. I'm consulting a professional (or perhaps Floop) for further advice)
? |
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ScottP
= Cult of Ray =
USA
618 Posts |
Posted - 02/21/2006 : 17:38:08
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Top Jimmy,
How do I get my son to turn off the GD lights in the bathroom when he's finished?
Let's drink until we can't feel feelings anymore. |
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jimmy
= Cult of Ray =
USA
876 Posts |
Posted - 02/23/2006 : 17:09:07
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Dear ScottP,
The threat of a beating with a belt usually works for all problems with kids, but I don't think this is a big deal, unless, in your bathroom you've got one of those dressing room mirrors with light bulbs all around it. He must like having the lights on in there, let it go.
Dear Readers,
As you probably already know February is National Prescription Drug Safety Month. Every year dozens of kids get sick from taking pills that they find around the house. Protect your family by going through your medicine cabinet right now and gathering all your leftover prescription narcotics: Percocet, Percodan, OxyContin, MS Contin, Dilaudid, Fentynal patches, ect, and send them to Jimmy so he can dispose of them. |
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Daisy Girl
~ Abstract Brain ~
Belize
5305 Posts |
Posted - 02/23/2006 : 18:02:39
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Dear Jimmy,
I want to be an Olympic Curler. It looks cool.
I how can I get to the Olymipics?
Thanks!!!! |
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jimmy
= Cult of Ray =
USA
876 Posts |
Posted - 02/25/2006 : 22:40:21
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Dear Misleadtheworld,
No, I don't know Jonny, and haven't taken any ideas from him, but tell me more- he might have some ideas that I'd like to take and pass off as my own.
Also, if you feel inspired to write some music for "Ask Dr. Jimmy" that would be great. Nobody's written a song about me since Chris Isaak wrote "Wicked Game".
Dear DaisyGirl,
There's only one way to get to the Olympics and that's by having sex with me. Once, an athlete tried to get around that requirement but, suddenly, Nancy Kerrigan had a change of heart.
"Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you." JOHN 15:14 |
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jimmy
= Cult of Ray =
USA
876 Posts |
Posted - 02/26/2006 : 00:30:34
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Dear Danjersey,
I don't believe you. Clearly you want to be friends, and I know it's not that you're lonely. You're a cool guy, I'm sure you're popular and have a lot of friends. It's just that after seeing my posts you're comparing me to all your friends, all the people you've ever met, actually, and realizing that I'm cooler and more fun than all of them combined.
You wanna be my best friend, OK, I get it. I mean it's early Sunday morning and you just wrote a poem and 1/3 of the words are my name.
"Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you." JOHN 15:14 |
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jimmy
= Cult of Ray =
USA
876 Posts |
Posted - 02/26/2006 : 00:40:07
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Dear Danjersey,
What happened to your post? I swear it was there a second ago.
"Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you." JOHN 15:14 |
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danjersey
> Teenager of the Year <
USA
2792 Posts |
Posted - 02/26/2006 : 00:45:15
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so this has nothing to do with this
my guitar i left in the car
and it's cold outside
spooked a couple kids out from the alley way
we laughed a good one |
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VoVat
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
USA
9168 Posts |
Posted - 02/26/2006 : 11:27:06
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quote:
Protect your family by going through your medicine cabinet right now and gathering all your leftover prescription narcotics: Percocet, Percodan, OxyContin, MS Contin, Dilaudid, Fentynal patches, ect, and send them to Jimmy so he can dispose of them.
Should we also send you those green pieces of paper with pictures of dead guys on them that are in our parents' wallets?
"If you doze much longer, then life turns to dreaming. If you doze much longer, then dreams turn to nightmares." |
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jimmy
= Cult of Ray =
USA
876 Posts |
Posted - 02/26/2006 : 13:59:34
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Dear Vovat,
If you want to, but I'd really rather have the dope. It's up to you, though.
"Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you." JOHN 15:14 |
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danjersey
> Teenager of the Year <
USA
2792 Posts |
Posted - 02/26/2006 : 20:15:03
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my jimmy poem was made for the wrong reason so i took it back
peace be with you jimmy |
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jimmy
= Cult of Ray =
USA
876 Posts |
Posted - 02/27/2006 : 18:35:43
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Dear DJ,
I like the poem, I even like it better than [Is that a dream].
I wanna know what the "wrong reason" was. If you don't want it printed in the column write me an e-mail.
"Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you." JOHN 15:14 |
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danjersey
> Teenager of the Year <
USA
2792 Posts |
Posted - 02/27/2006 : 19:13:24
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i did'nt like how it sounded, calling you out and all, starting shit.
there is no need for that.
peace. |
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jimmy
= Cult of Ray =
USA
876 Posts |
Posted - 02/28/2006 : 17:40:08
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Dear Jimmy,
I'm a 20 year old woman and I've got a problem. I'm new to the forum, but since I've been here all I do is read and re-read your posts. Last night I went to your profile hoping there'd be a photo, but since there wasn't one I drew a picture of what I thought you might look like, then I masturbated with it. For hours. Jimmy, I need you. Signed, Squirrelgirl
Dear Squirrelgirl,
Thank you, but, I don't see the big deal, it's only one night. Everyone I know, friends and family, masturbates thinking about me every night of the week.
"Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you." JOHN 15:14 |
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Daisy Girl
~ Abstract Brain ~
Belize
5305 Posts |
Posted - 02/28/2006 : 19:18:18
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quote:
Originally posted by jimmy
Dear Misleadtheworld,
No, I don't know Jonny, and haven't taken any ideas from him, but tell me more- he might have some ideas that I'd like to take and pass off as my own.
Also, if you feel inspired to write some music for "Ask Dr. Jimmy" that would be great. Nobody's written a song about me since Chris Isaak wrote "Wicked Game".
Dear DaisyGirl,
There's only one way to get to the Olympics and that's by having sex with me. Once, an athlete tried to get around that requirement but, suddenly, Nancy Kerrigan had a change of heart.
"Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you." JOHN 15:14
Sorry Jimmy no deal. Maybe I can move to some carribian country and be a one woman curling team.
Jimmy,
Things have been so busy lately I haven't been able to get my usual FB.net fix what should I do??? |
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jimmy
= Cult of Ray =
USA
876 Posts |
Posted - 03/02/2006 : 15:20:04
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Dear Daisygirl,
I'm sorry to hear that you've given up your dream of representing America and other women I've slept with in the Olympics.
In answer to your question, it sounds like your priorities are messed up. I'm pretty busy, but I always make sure I get my fix, plus I spend a lot of time on the Forum.
"Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you." JOHN 15:14 |
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jimmy
= Cult of Ray =
USA
876 Posts |
Posted - 08/26/2006 : 19:19:03
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******Dr. Jimmy Is Back******
It's been awhile since anyone's asked a question-
I just want everyone to know that I'm still here, and fully prepared to fix all your problems.
Love,
Dr. Jimmy |
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mr.biscuitdoughhead
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1729 Posts |
Posted - 08/26/2006 : 20:37:29
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Dear jimmy,
Do you think I should have capitalized my username?
Mr.BiscuitDoughHead? It does look kind of nice.
It's a-me, a Mario!!  |
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jimmy
= Cult of Ray =
USA
876 Posts |
Posted - 08/27/2006 : 04:08:55
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Dear mr.biscuitdoughhead,
Yes, it does look nice, and you'll want to capitalize for business correspondence, but lower-case will be fine for the forum. |
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s_wrenn
* Dog in the Sand *
Ireland
1851 Posts |
Posted - 08/27/2006 : 05:22:25
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Dear Jimmy,
Is putting your hand into an open fire dangerous? Or is the whole "fire is hazardous" thing a conspiracy by the World Health Organization to make people fear the flame and not love it?
Also, after drinking anti-freeze, should I urinate standing up or sitting down?
P.S. Could someone take me to a hospital?
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Edited by - s_wrenn on 08/27/2006 05:23:20 |
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jimmy
= Cult of Ray =
USA
876 Posts |
Posted - 08/27/2006 : 05:37:49
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Dear s wrenn,
You were right, it was the Moro bar. Thanks.
There have been times when I've gotten small burns from touching a hot pan or the tip of a cigarette- I think of how much that hurts, then I imagine people who have actually been burned in a house fire or something and it just seems scary- that's gotta be crazy pain.
Yes, I'd be happy to take you to the hospital if you wouldn't mind sharing whatever painkillers they give you.
By the way, I'm feeling kind of tired ( giving advice is a lot of work ), if you'd like, feel free to mail me a Moro bar and some of those over-the-counter codeine tablets you guys have there.
Thanks,
jimmy |
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Topic |
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FBF advice column "Ask Jimmy" is back!!!
