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TRANSMARINE
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
2002 Posts |
 Posted - 05/19/2005 : 15:38:52
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I am at work and was going potty (number 2). I don't like to do doo-doo at work, but when you gotta go, you gotta go, right? So anyhow...let's just say it wasn't a clean, smooth dookie...(I'm so sorry for sharing this story)...I had to utilize a little more toilet paper than I thought I would have to. I finish my thing, pull up my pants, take a last glance at the horror in the crapper, and activate the flusher button.
Well...
...of course the water starts to rise...and rise...and RISE. Normally, I think I would just make a quick escape and pretend I never knew anything about it. But this is a single-person bathroom basically in the middle of our office. It's flooded before, and the desk-bound people have suffered greatly for it.
So I have to act fast. I drop to my knees and find the water shut-off knob way behind the toilet bowl. And I mean WAY back behind. So my shoulder is brushing the side of the bowl, I'm on my knees, my face is nearly touching the horrid floor, my left hand is propping me up (just barely), and my right hand is attempting to shut off the water. It wont turn! I hear water. I look up to see a toxic cascade of toilet-water pour over the rim of the bowl. Before I can move, that water (and all the contents within) splashes down ONTO my face, into my MOUTH (! I gasped at the wrong second) and eyes.
But I continued to struggle until I stopped the majority of the overflow. I walked straight out of work, got in my car and drove my shitty self home and showered for 45 minutes and practically drank a bottle of Listerine.
I am now drinking bourbon and replaying the scenario over and over and over and over...........
Catchin' blue in his eyes that were brown
-bRIAN |
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Broken Face
-= Forum Pistolero =-
USA
5155 Posts |
Posted - 05/19/2005 : 15:40:26
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i'm sorry to hear that namesake. something similar almost happened to me once, but luckily at the last minute fate stepped in and sucked it all down
-Brian
If you move I shoots!
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Llamadance
> Teenager of the Year <
United Kingdom
2543 Posts |
Posted - 05/19/2005 : 15:42:37
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you have my sympathies, but that's hilarious 
Well done for continuing the disaster aversion procedure under duress.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We know what we are
Absolutely barking stars |
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floop
= Wannabe Volunteer =
Mexico
15297 Posts |
Posted - 05/19/2005 : 15:45:14
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holy shit, that is funny.
i mean, i'm sorry.. but that is FUNNY |
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darwin
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
USA
5454 Posts |
Posted - 05/19/2005 : 16:16:38
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The horror.
That was great.
Did you tell anyone what happened? Why you were taking off? |
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mosleyk
= Cult of Ray =
USA
607 Posts |
Posted - 05/19/2005 : 16:28:35
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Aw geez! That is horrid! I have had nighmares about such things happening, but never heard the account of somebody that it actually happened too.
At the same time I must admit. This story made my day. Thanks for sharing and enjoy your bourbon. You deserve it! |
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TRANSMARINE
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
2002 Posts |
Posted - 05/19/2005 : 16:31:01
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I didn't have to tell anyone. First, I'm sure they heard me gag and scream. Second, they see me walk out of the bathroom with soaked clothes and matted hair. Third, I'm followed out of the bathroom by an angry smelling puddle. I think they probably did the math. But it even makes me laugh to think what was going on in their minds as they were piecing together the puzzle based on what they saw. I had to call my boss once I got home to tell her WHAT had happened...why I had abandoned work. I didn't lie, and I didn't leave out any details.
She was very concerned and advised me to visit the hospital to make sure I wouldn't get sick. For some reason, the thought of going to the doctor is somehow more embarrasing than my co-workers knowing...or even posting it online. I think I'll go make brownies and lemonade now. Bye.
Catchin' blue in his eyes that were brown
-bRIAN |
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VoVat
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
USA
9168 Posts |
Posted - 05/19/2005 : 16:33:03
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That's incredibly gross. I feel sorry for you.
I was all out of luck, like a duck that died. I was all out of juice, like a moose denied. |
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BLT
> Teenager of the Year <
South Sandwich Islands
4204 Posts |
Posted - 05/19/2005 : 16:33:43
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You should have pulled a Jim Carrey a la "Ace Ventura". Wave your dripping arm back and forth and state, "Do NOT go in there!"
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kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
Posted - 05/19/2005 : 17:45:26
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That's awesome! I mean, I'm sorry, Brian. It somewhat belongs in
the "yucckiest thing you've had to deal with at work" thread.
 I still believe in the excellent joy of the Catholics |
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benji
> Teenager of the Year <
New Zealand
3426 Posts |
Posted - 05/19/2005 : 17:48:41
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wow, thats quite a story.
so gross, yet so funny.
did you swallow any of the water (and i use that term loosely)
 Join the Cult of Cartman! Respect my Authoritaah!!! |
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Carl
- A 'Fifth' Catholic -
Ireland
11546 Posts |
Posted - 05/19/2005 : 18:01:21
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| Oh fuck, man, everyone has fucking nightmares crop up like that on occasion, you have my sympathies! Don't worry, I'm sure it'll all blow over. |
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NimrodsSon
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1938 Posts |
Posted - 05/19/2005 : 18:10:13
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Wow, that was the funniest thing I've read all year (with the exception of that essay on lightning and el niño that someone posted a while ago). I can't say I feel your pain because I'm too busy laughing, but I'm sure it was painful. This needs to go in the "Yuckiest things you've dealt with at work" thread.
¡Viva los Católicos! http://adrianfoster.dmusic.com/ |
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Little Black Francis
> Teenager of the Year <
3648 Posts |
Posted - 05/19/2005 : 18:14:49
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quote:
Originally posted by TRANSMARINE
I am at work and was going potty (number 2). I don't like to do doo-doo at work, but when you gotta go, you gotta go, right? So anyhow...let's just say it wasn't a clean, smooth dookie...(I'm so sorry for sharing this story)...I had to utilize a little more toilet paper than I thought I would have to. I finish my thing, pull up my pants, take a last glance at the horror in the crapper, and activate the flusher button.
Well...
...of course the water starts to rise...and rise...and RISE.
Normally, I think I would just make a quick escape and pretend I never knew anything about it. But this is a single-person bathroom basically in the middle of our office. It's flooded before, and the desk-bound people have suffered greatly for it.
So I have to act fast. I drop to my knees and find the water shut-off knob way behind the toilet bowl. And I mean WAY back behind. So my shoulder is brushing the side of the bowl, I'm on my knees, my face is nearly touching the horrid floor, my left hand is propping me up (just barely), and my right hand is attempting to shut off the water. It wont turn! I hear water. I look up to see a toxic cascade of toilet-water pour over the rim of the bowl. Before I can move, that water (and all the contents within) splashes down ONTO my face, into my MOUTH (! I gasped at the wrong second) and eyes.
But I continued to struggle until I stopped the majority of the overflow. I walked straight out of work, got in my car and drove my shitty self home and showered for 45 minutes and practically drank a bottle of Listerine.
I am now drinking bourbon and replaying the scenario over and over and over and over...........
Catchin' blue in his eyes that were brown
-bRIAN
ahahahhahahahhahahah... very funny.. casn't stop ;aughing... drive shitty self home... hshhhahhahah
 ... I give up |
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Surfer Rosa
> Teenager of the Year <
4209 Posts |
Posted - 05/20/2005 : 01:40:21
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Made my morning.
Still crying.
Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes. |
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PixieSteve
> Teenager of the Year <
Poland
4698 Posts |
Posted - 05/20/2005 : 01:41:55
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good one!
 Oh let it linger |
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TRANSMARINE
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
2002 Posts |
Posted - 05/20/2005 : 08:22:01
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So I get to work today...totally unfazed by yesterdays incident because it was SO bizarre and ridiculous...and my fellow employees have generously bought me a four-pack of double-ply Charmin toilet paper and placed it on my desk. Along with a Snickers candybar. Thank god it's Friday.
Catchin' blue in his eyes that were brown
-bRIAN |
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TRANSMARINE
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
2002 Posts |
Posted - 05/20/2005 : 10:56:49
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I have just faced my fear by revisiting the same bathroom a few moments ago. Except for some minor flashbacks and pangs of anticipation panic, everything went very smooth. Today I am awash in peace instead of stool.
Catchin' blue in his eyes that were brown
-bRIAN |
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PsychicTwin
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1772 Posts |
Posted - 05/20/2005 : 11:44:36
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Good god, that is truly horrible.
You know, some sick fucks might pay good money for a videotape of stuff like that... |
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TarTar
* Dog in the Sand *
1965 Posts |
Posted - 05/20/2005 : 11:53:45
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That is a nightmare! I hate public restrooms. I don't even like touching the door handle.
Let 'em riot. We're Sonic-fuckin'-Death Monkey. |
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mosleyk
= Cult of Ray =
USA
607 Posts |
Posted - 05/20/2005 : 12:23:27
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quote:
Originally posted by TRANSMARINE
So I get to work today...totally unfazed by yesterdays incident because it was SO bizarre and ridiculous...and my fellow employees have generously bought me a four-pack of double-ply Charmin toilet paper and placed it on my desk. Along with a Snickers candybar. Thank god it's Friday.
Catchin' blue in his eyes that were brown
-bRIAN
Sounds like you have some great co-workers...although I personally would have gotten you a Babe Ruth bar instead of a Snickers. |
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The worst thing just happened...
