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kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
 Posted - 02/01/2005 : 18:50:35
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"He's just not that into you" is a best-selling book in the US, by
a couple of "Sex and the City" writers. It's a how-to guide that tells
women to stop chasing after guys who are not showing
interest in them. I never got into "Sex and the City" but I like this book because it gives eye-opening advice to single women who act like they are blind ("he's just not that into you if he doesn't call you, doesn't ask you out, doesn't return your calls, if he's still married to his wife, if he's dating someone else, etc.)."
A magazine critic ascribed the book's popularity
to the fact that women's girlfriends won't come out and say
to them the stuff that the book says, i.e. "Are you nuts? He slept
with you and never called again? He's just not that into you. Stop trying to catch his attention."
All this is a roundabout way for me to ask what I should do about a friend who is annoying me with her near insane behavior about a guy who shows absolutely no interest in her (he is very nice, btw). She insists on putting on his lack of interest a spin that makes me worry about her sanity. For example, this past Saturday night they bumped into each other at a bar and he said hello and spent the night talking to these three other women (which is his right!). All she could talk about Sunday was how "difficult it must be for him to approach" her and how "he really wants to feel less shy around" her but can't. ??!?!? I'm hearing this and thinking, "We should have you commited." I know I am doing her a disservice by not calling her on her crazy talk. What do you guys think I should do?
 I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank |
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starmekitten
-= Forum Pistolera =-
United Kingdom
6370 Posts |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 18:58:45
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sometimes it's nice to live in the little illusion that they still care
you
me
we used to be on fire |
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Daisy Girl
~ Abstract Brain ~
Belize
5305 Posts |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 19:00:12
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Kathryn,
I know this type and used to be friends with someone like this.
I would just be sensitve and listen to her-- but don't invest too much time. It just seems like your friend might have a fear of committment (chasing this guy around instead of looking for a mutual parnter). She also might have a fear of rejection.
If she's not listening to the signs this guy is throwing down, more than likely she's not going to listen to you.
Good luck. I feel sorry for that guy, tool. 
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starmekitten
-= Forum Pistolera =-
United Kingdom
6370 Posts |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 19:08:09
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or give her the book, there's illusion and then there's nuts
you
me
we used to be on fire |
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ramona
"FB Quote Mistress"
USA
3988 Posts |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 19:13:32
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I love this book idea, it's so brilliant and OBVIOUS but sometimes those things are the hardest to see. The eppy of Sex and the City that it is based on is so great, everyone should see it, including your friend! It's on the first part of Season 6 if that helps.
But, SERIOUSLY, I think just listening to her and maybe pointing out OTHER guys or things that might be more attainable to her. OR, turn it around and say something like "yeah, he is really emotionally unaware, you should try and find someone who is more prepared to have a relationship." Telling her you just think he's not into her might not work. But turning it around may make her feel like she is in control and CHOOSING to be over him.
When I was 22 I was in love with this guy who (looking back) was SO NOT INTERESTED in me, but he did do things to act friendly and flirty towards me. Probably b/c having someone adore you is very flattering and in his own fucked up way, he didn't want to hurt my feelings.
Anyway, good luck. The heart is a tricky mistress. 
_____________________________________________________________________
I wanna be cool, tall, vunerable and luscious.
I would have it all if I only had this much -
No need for Lucifer to fall if he'd learn to keep his mouth shut...
* * * * * * * * * * *
http://prettycrabby.com |
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The King Of Karaoke
> Teenager of the Year <
USA
3759 Posts |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 19:24:53
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I've heard repeatedly (from several women I know) how sick it makes them when they see these girls get all crazy when a guy is not into them. Interesting that this is being brought up again. I have a girl at work that does this to me. She moved all the way out to California (from Boston) shortly after I did, to try once again to get me to go out with her. I've tried to be nice, and HAVE been very nice. Now she's in my little central coast crew base giving me attitude because once again she positioned herself to try and be in a relationship with me, and once agian I gave her the brush off. Now she makes it like I'm some crazy asshole because I don't want anything to do with her. Luckily people we work with, see through her after a while.
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Daisy Girl
~ Abstract Brain ~
Belize
5305 Posts |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 19:32:44
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quote:
Originally posted by starmekitten
or give her the book, there's illusion and then there's nuts
you
me
we used to be on fire
That's beautiful |
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Cult_Of_Frank
= Black Noise Maker =
Canada
11687 Posts |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 19:56:00
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How about, "Well, there's two ways of looking at it. <summarize her way, making it sound as obviously wrong as it is>, <summarize your feelings>."
You can't assume you're right about things like this (even though you clearly are at least in this case), but you can try to give her your 'opinion'.
I don't know. Works for us guys. Well, actually, it doesn't really, because usually we only discuss if one of us wasn't there, and then you have nothing to go on but the person's jaded perceptions.
"Join the Cult of Frank 2.0 / And you'll be enlightened (free for 1.x members)" |
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Superabounder
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1041 Posts |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 21:35:31
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One of my good friends was this way with a girl who didn't give a damn about him, and no amount of advice from all of us would work. I still remember night after night of listening to him ramble on about her. The same stories. Listening to him run through all the scenarios. Beer after miserable beer. Again and again. Wishing for a gun to put us all out of our misery. Seriously, it went on and on for months until she finally broke it off in him. So maybe you could a) make up a horrible lie about him  b) convince him to blow her off once and for all, or c) just be her friend and let it run its natural course. She'll have to make up her own mind.
I know that a lot of what I say has been lifted off of men's room walls |
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 02/02/2005 : 03:53:32
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I was gonna say that perhpas men need a book like this more nowadays. That men are less used to situations like this and are less likely to face the truth 'cos of their pride. But then I looked at myself in this situation and I always realise she is not interested straight away. I am not sure why this is, but I assume it's 'cos I am the kind of person who gets quite down on themselves anyway, so I can see the negative in such a situation quite quickly and easily.
Perhaps that's why I never really try, after getting hurt so much, and maybe these girls keep trying 'cos they never really admit to themselves that the last guy was not interested anyway.
I dunno, just my two cents.
Love, love, my season |
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KimStanleyRobinson
* Dog in the Sand *
1972 Posts |
Posted - 02/02/2005 : 06:59:29
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This book title (in reverse of course) has popped in my head the last four or five times I've found myself interested in a woman.
No one has to tell me, though.
I get a clue.
I can take a hint.
No one has to hit me over the head with a cartoon anvil. |
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kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
Posted - 02/02/2005 : 11:11:07
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Thanks for the great words, you guys.
Superabounddude, it did me a world of good to read about your experience ("Listening to him run through all the scenarios. Beer after miserable beer. Again and again. ") ... exactly what I go thru with this nutball. And I know there is a joke to be made at KOK's expense (gotta be a machine in bed if a chick would follow you across the continent, etc., etc.).
Seriously... I have a tough time when people don't believe that others
are the agents of their own actions. For example, my family forever blames my
cousin's wife for his heroin addiction because they can't handle the truth!!: she's not the problem, he's the problem and he is an addict. So it wiggs me
out when this friend of mine makes up wacko explanations instead of
taking things at face value.
I'm gonna see her tonight, so I will be thinking about your collective wisdom in this thread and bust a new move with her. Maybe I'll tell her to break into her bank account and buy herself a clue or perhaps I'll be crude and say "if he was dying to sleep with you, the way you keep saying he is, he would have nailed you to a bed by now."
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank |
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 02/02/2005 : 11:21:47
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quote:
Originally posted by kathryn
And I know there is a joke to be made at KOK's expense (gotta be a machine in bed if a chick would follow you across the continent, etc., etc.).
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank
Youi think that's at his expense?
I sure wish people made fun of me like that.
Love, love, my season |
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The King Of Karaoke
> Teenager of the Year <
USA
3759 Posts |
Posted - 02/02/2005 : 12:42:37
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Oh, you better believe I've been called a machine in bed before! You got that right! YEAH!!
Aahh, the good old days. The days when I actually got to have sex with real live women.
These days I'm more of a hand lotion dispensing machine in the bed.
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 02/02/2005 : 12:44:51
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Mmmm, nice image there.
Love, love, my season |
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The King Of Karaoke
> Teenager of the Year <
USA
3759 Posts |
Posted - 02/02/2005 : 15:20:30
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This?
Thanks I like it too.
It's an angry Sasquatch head.
See him yell? He's angry.
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starmekitten
-= Forum Pistolera =-
United Kingdom
6370 Posts |
Posted - 02/02/2005 : 15:26:55
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I thought he was belching
you
me
we used to be on fire |
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 02/02/2005 : 15:40:43
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He's not as angry as my angry strawberry.
Love, love, my season |
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kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
Posted - 02/02/2005 : 18:43:39
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Why all this anger?
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank |
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dayanara
* Dog in the Sand *
Australia
1811 Posts |
Posted - 02/02/2005 : 18:51:16
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quote:
Originally posted by Homers_pet_monkey
He's not as angry as my angry strawberry.
that sounds incredibly dirty.
kiki, i'm the exact opposite of your friend, always firmly planted in the "you guys are crazy, he's just being polite" mindset, which i'm sure annoys my friends as much as your friend annoys you.
A monkey will eat dirt if you make him. |
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dayanara
* Dog in the Sand *
Australia
1811 Posts |
Posted - 02/02/2005 : 19:06:49
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yeah yeah, i already wrote you back. geez.
you should "accidentally" leave the book at her house. i know girls like that and many times they just can't handle the direct criticism.
A monkey will eat dirt if you make him. |
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dayanara
* Dog in the Sand *
Australia
1811 Posts |
Posted - 02/02/2005 : 19:07:40
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goddamnit kathryn, stop deleting your posts!
A monkey will eat dirt if you make him. |
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Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
Posted - 02/02/2005 : 19:26:43
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If you want to see this type of gal to the very extreme
watch the movie Hysterical Blindness.
Uma Thurman's character made me just cringe in horror.
__________
Godfather of nothing, ancesters of none.
Black glasses and feedback took my sense of fun.
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 02/03/2005 : 03:10:49
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quote:
Originally posted by dayanara
quote:
Originally posted by Homers_pet_monkey
He's not as angry as my angry strawberry.
that sounds incredibly dirty.
A monkey will eat dirt if you make him.
HOW!?!? WHY!?!? In what way!?
Even my smutty mind doesn't get that.
Love, love, my season |
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kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
Posted - 02/03/2005 : 11:52:12
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Sorry 'bout that, Dayanara. I am, as you know, going a little insane here.
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank |
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Topic |
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He's just not that into you
