| Author |
 Topic  |
|
kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
 Posted - 01/16/2005 : 11:02:31
|
This may sound lame but it fascinates me. I've lived in big cities and rural nowhere spots in different parts of the world and I always notice the degree to which people make eye contact.
Some situations are more clear cut, i.e.
mass transit + rush hour + metropolis =
hardly any deliberate eye contact
vs.
If an hour up a remote trail you see someone, you'll do more than make eye contact -- you'll stop and chat.
After a while in a big city, no eye contact weirds me out. But I also become quite uncomfortable with overly familiar people who, as was the case with a total stranger yesterday at the grocery store, stop and try to start a conversation.
I would love to hear about this from different forum members in different parts of the world.
 I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank |
|
|
Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
Posted - 01/16/2005 : 11:12:21
|
I like this topic.
I always wonder what it means when people who should be making eye contact with you, don't. They're obviously uncomfortable, but why? Are they lying, do they like you and are shy etc.
This is interesting as my son who has ADD has a very difficult time making and keeping eye contact. And then I later found out that this is a common characteristic of people with focusing difficulties.
Teachers/parents have to be careful as this could come off as insubordination. How many kids have been yelled at "pay attention when I'm talking to you.." I wonder.
__________
Godfather of nothing, ancesters of none.
Black glasses and feedback took my sense of fun.
|
Edited by - Carolynanna on 01/16/2005 14:13:07 |
 |
|
|
Cult_Of_Frank
= Black Noise Maker =
Canada
11687 Posts |
Posted - 01/16/2005 : 11:19:11
|
I don't do the eye contact thing as much as I should. That said, I noticed far more girls making eye contact when I was in New York and even checking me out (needless to say, nothing ever came of it once they were done checking, just so you don't think I'm bragging here) than I ever have had here. I presume it has something to do with increased anonymity and maybe the fact that Americans are more aggressive. Just an observation. For the record, I liked it. Nothing worse than going out and nobody gives you a second look.
For me, eye contact is the first step in flirting with someone you don't know. You make eye contact and smile if you're interested. The next time, if SHE smiles, you're in. Or so I've heard. I usually presume that they think I'm leering and it doesn't really get me anywhere.
"Join the Cult of Frank 2.0 / And you'll be enlightened (free for 1.x members)" |
|
|
|
Broken Face
-= Forum Pistolero =-
USA
5155 Posts |
Posted - 01/16/2005 : 11:45:10
|
so that explains your massive ammount of eye contact with me then deaner 
i like to make eye contact w/ people who i'm talking to, but i try and pull away after a few seconds because it can get really strange it two people are locked into each other's eyes in a non-romantic kind of way
-Brian
If you move I shoots!
|
|
|
|
Cult_Of_Frank
= Black Noise Maker =
Canada
11687 Posts |
Posted - 01/16/2005 : 11:52:14
|
Yeah, fo sho!
"Join the Cult of Frank 2.0 / And you'll be enlightened (free for 1.x members)" |
|
|
|
kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
Posted - 01/16/2005 : 12:50:22
|
You guys, this is interesting and great. I had this hideous boss who
constantly blinked his eyes shut when speaking. I always assumed
he was lying all the time.
I am also talking about being in a public space, walking down a corridor or
something like that,and passing a total stranger. Some people love to make
eye contact while others will give you that "I don't see you" look.
Know what I mean?
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank |
|
|
|
Cheeseman1000
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Iceland
8201 Posts |
Posted - 01/16/2005 : 13:17:22
|
quote:
Originally posted by Cult_Of_Frank
I noticed far more girls making eye contact when I was in New York and even checking me out than I ever have had here.
So women in New York are desperate? Maybe I'll take a holiday there...
And if a double-decker bus
Crashes into us
To die by your side
Well, the pleasure and the privilege is mine. |
|
|
|
Daisy Girl
~ Abstract Brain ~
Belize
5305 Posts |
Posted - 01/16/2005 : 13:25:32
|
| I will make eye contact at work with people i don't know... walking in a corridor and in my buding. But not really on the street. But you are right Kathryn, it interesting with the urban vs. the rural dynamic. |
|
|
|
ObfuscateByWill
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1887 Posts |
Posted - 01/16/2005 : 13:35:21
|
quote:
Originally posted by Broken Face
i like to make eye contact w/ people who i'm talking to, but i try and pull away after a few seconds because it can get really strange it two people are locked into each other's eyes in a non-romantic kind of way
I take that as a challenge for some reason.
It's like I'm thinking, "Oh yeah? I bet you'll break off before I do.."
-
Also wear glasses.
If I'm looking someone in the eye I feel I should remove my glasses.
Or look over the rims, librarian-like.
-
Say.. maybe that's why I've been eating my lunch alone for the past few weeks.
Thank you FB.net Forum.
 Take a bite of the chocolate coffin. |
|
|
|
hickster9
- FB Fan -
USA
98 Posts |
Posted - 01/16/2005 : 13:41:09
|
| I hear what you are saying...I lived in Montana for a number of years, and everyone (I mean EVERYONE) would wave to you as you drove/walked by. Small town sort of atmosphere. I am certain I didn't know half of them, but it made me feel connected in a way. I notice it in larger towns...not even east versus west sort of thing, the I don't see you, but I sure as hell won't bump into you! Sometimes I go out of my way to make those sorts uncomfortable. Makes me smile. Yes, I am a goof! |
|
|
|
n/a
deleted
4109 Posts |
Posted - 01/16/2005 : 13:52:31
|
I don't have that kind of problem, I live in the country, and everybody looks in eachothers eyes! We chat and we know most of the people.
When I'm in a big city I feel strange because I see how everybody is running for something, they don't see each other anymore, they seem to me like almost "robots"!
That's one of the reasons that made me move for a quieter place, a place where people still say hi even if they don't know you...
Purify the colors, purify my mind,
and spread the ashes of the colors
over this heart of mine!
|
|
|
|
kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
Posted - 01/16/2005 : 18:32:37
|
Much as I missed connections while living in several big cities,
now that I live in a small place where everybody waves and says hello, it feels cumbersome to be constatly "known". Months and months can go by before I see someone I don't know and then it's a thrill. Plus, it's hilarious but sometimes frustrating to think about
all the false rumors swirling around about different people. Everybody knows everybody else's history and foibles, affairs and
mistakes and there is no forgiveness, only judgment. It's disturbing, frankly. Straight out of Trollope.
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank |
|
|
|
VoVat
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
USA
9168 Posts |
Posted - 01/16/2005 : 18:47:19
|
I'm generally not very good with the eye contact.
"Reunion? Shit union!" |
|
|
|
The King Of Karaoke
> Teenager of the Year <
USA
3759 Posts |
Posted - 01/16/2005 : 21:53:19
|
I once squished my way onto a packed subway car in Boston only to end up face to face, belly to belly, with this big, fat, bearded, tattooed, biker dude. It was such a scene when I got on that everyone was kind of uncomfortably watching me as well as him. After a minute of complete silence I looked lovingly into the big biker dudes eyes and like a newly wed wife on her honeymoon, very seriously said "Isn't this romantic?"
The entire car busted out in laughter.
Well, all except for the big biker guy.
True story and also one of the greatest comedic moments of my life.
That was fifteen years ago and I will never forget it.
----------------------
 "I am not a plonker". |
Edited by - The King Of Karaoke on 01/17/2005 16:27:16 |
|
|
|
The King Of Karaoke
> Teenager of the Year <
USA
3759 Posts |
Posted - 01/16/2005 : 21:54:41
|
it was a packed house.
Yes! still got it!
----------------------
"I am not a plonker". |
|
|
|
klikger
= Cult of Ray =
693 Posts |
Posted - 01/17/2005 : 01:10:43
|
| That is hilarious, KOK. I second the other post about it getting awkward when eyes remain locked in a non-romantic way for several seconds. Usually with me it's with another guy and I feel like I'm in a schoolyard staring contest. Just with a stranger. |
|
|
|
Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 01/17/2005 : 09:10:11
|
quote:
Originally posted by ObfuscateByWill
Also wear glasses.
look over the rims, librarian-like.
Take a bite of the chocolate coffin.
I HATE that. It gives the impression that they are looking down at you. It seems rude.
I always look into people's eyes when I am talking to them. I think there are a few reasons for this. I think it shows respect and interest in what they have to say. Eyes are also my favourite part of the body (along with the mouth) so I guess there is something in it for me too. I just really like the connection that is made at that point when two people look into each toehr's eyes. I don't just mean in a boy/girl, romantic kind of way, but even when two people with no such romantic intentions do it. I just think it's a really nice human moment.
Having said that I hardly ever do it with strangers. I don't see why I should really. I don't know them so why indulge in such a moment with them. I am not a nosy person when it comes to strangers, I have no desire to stare at girls in a bar, nor stare at the couple having a domestic etc. And so I certainly have absolutely no interest in looking at someone reading their book on a train or simply walking past me in the street.
In the office (when I worked in one) I would make very brief eye contact with people I knew a little, and a usually a little smile, but that's it. I wouldn't even do much more than that with people I knew well. It's like that Seinfeld stand-up moment, you're going to see them again, probably about ten minutes later and about ten more times in the day, so what do you do? Do you say "Hi" to them every time you see them?
I'm not a big fan of small talk and pleasantries (sic) anyway so I guess it's the same with eye contact. I guess you've got to earn it with me, but when you have, you'll get a lot of it, and it will be sincere.
Intersting to hear other people's opinions on this one. Good topic.
http://www.thefutureheads.co.uk/ |
Edited by - Homers_pet_monkey on 01/17/2005 09:12:10 |
|
|
|
kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
Posted - 01/17/2005 : 15:55:42
|
KOK, I swear some days I sign on just to get from you my daily
dose of laughter...the best medicine.
Thanks.
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank |
|
|
|
Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 01/18/2005 : 13:04:55
|
I used to think that Kathryn, then he started going on about overgrown hairy men too much and I lost interest and soon tired of him.
Only kidding KoK, I still loves ya!
http://www.thefutureheads.co.uk/ |
|
|
|
kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
Posted - 01/18/2005 : 17:37:13
|
No, it's floop who's obsessed with hirsute males.
KOK's the cute one with the bowl haircut.
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank |
|
|
|
Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
|
|
KimStanleyRobinson
* Dog in the Sand *
1972 Posts |
Posted - 01/20/2005 : 14:34:50
|
I'm one of those people that will see you coming from far away and keep my eyes averted until right as we pass and then try to meet your eye and say hi.
If you don't meet mine and say hi, I'll spiral into some self-defeating depressive thing...and then shrug it off.
 |
Edited by - KimStanleyRobinson on 01/20/2005 14:53:08 |
|
|
|
Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
|
|
Erebus
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1834 Posts |
Posted - 01/20/2005 : 14:42:37
|
| I don't look into most people's eyes because I'm acrophobic. |
|
|
|
KimStanleyRobinson
* Dog in the Sand *
1972 Posts |
Posted - 01/20/2005 : 14:48:21
|
whadaya got some kinda laser eyes er sumthin HPM?
Are you really short Erebus? |
|
|
|
Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
Posted - 01/20/2005 : 14:53:18
|
What does that mean erebus?
Are you tall or what?
__________
Godfather of nothing, ancesters of none.
Black glasses and feedback took my sense of fun.
|
|
|
|
Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
|
|
KimStanleyRobinson
* Dog in the Sand *
1972 Posts |
Posted - 01/20/2005 : 14:58:28
|
ummm,
ok.
Anyway - erebus - you're agoraphobic, not acrophobic.
*snickers* |
|
|
|
Cheeseman1000
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Iceland
8201 Posts |
Posted - 01/20/2005 : 14:58:39
|
Acrophobic, I'm thinking... Bad Astronaut album
And if a double-decker bus
Crashes into us
To die by your side
Well, the pleasure and the privilege is mine. |
|
|
|
Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
|
|
starmekitten
-= Forum Pistolera =-
United Kingdom
6370 Posts |
Posted - 01/20/2005 : 15:19:46
|
I have a real problem with eye contact, I don't like people staring at me and if I'm having a conversation and someone is fixed on me the whole time it makes me bloody uncomfortable. I also don't like making eye contact for this very reason, it seems to encourage people that this is to be maintained. I must come off as pretty rude sometimes to people who don't know me because I'll hold a conversation but be looking all over the shop. People think this means I'm not paying attention but when accused of this I'll repeat verbatim what they've just said to me.
In fact the only time I maintain any sort of serious eye contact with someone is if they have pissed me off. Then they know about it. If there is one thing I do well it's a furious glare.
I lie, if I've had a wee bit too much to drink I keep eye contact so people think I'm paying attention and my brain isn't melting out of my ears!
you
me
we used to be on fire |
Edited by - starmekitten on 01/20/2005 15:21:42 |
|
|
|
Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
|
|
starmekitten
-= Forum Pistolera =-
United Kingdom
6370 Posts |
Posted - 01/20/2005 : 15:32:18
|
Screw you, you judgemental nimrod
now thats rude....
()
you
me
we used to be on fire |
|
|
|
The King Of Karaoke
> Teenager of the Year <
USA
3759 Posts |
Posted - 01/20/2005 : 15:33:10
|
| My friend went to China and said everyone stared at him. Since he mentioned that I've noticed the same behavior while eating in China town in La as well as Boston. I'll be eating my meal and there is always some old Asian man or lady staring right at me the whole time. They don't turn away either. Really weird. Anyone ever make this observation? |
|
|
|
Erebus
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1834 Posts |
Posted - 01/20/2005 : 17:09:27
|
quote:
Originally posted by KimStanleyRobinson
ummm,
ok.
Anyway - erebus - you're agoraphobic, not acrophobic.
*snickers*
Actually, agoraphobic would work too. But what I meant, sans , was to imply that I'm way above others and that therefore to look into their eyes would be as though from a great height, but since I'm afraid of heights I have to forego the pleasure. |
|
|
|
starmekitten
-= Forum Pistolera =-
United Kingdom
6370 Posts |
Posted - 01/20/2005 : 17:13:35
|
heh heh, surely you don't look down on everyone?
you
me
we used to be on fire |
|
|
|
Topic |
|
Eye contact
