| Author |
 Topic  |
|
floop
= Wannabe Volunteer =
Mexico
15297 Posts |
 Posted - 10/24/2004 : 13:05:12
|
Dean,
my shower drain is clogged again. usually i just pour some Dran-o down there, and it goes away, but this time it clogged really fast. do you think it's time to call a plumber, or is there another solution?
ist es möglich für ein quesadilla skrotum zu lecken? beim sprechen der quesadillas von LBF, ja. ja in der tatheheheheheheehehee! |
|
|
Cheeseman1000
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Iceland
8201 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 13:09:10
|
Dean,
My parsley plant is dying and I have no idea why. I keep it well watered and in a sunny (but not sunny) position, but it just seems to wither and fade. What can I do to restore it to health?
"You ever seen a man say goodbye to a shoe?"
"Yes, once..." |
 |
|
|
PsychicTwin
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1772 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 15:28:50
|
Dean-
My "parsley" plant is dying as well. I'm looking to cultivate it and then smookkk...i mean, EAT...it as soon as possible. What can I do to restore it to health?
-Hoping Excellent Results Begin |
|
|
|
Ebb Vicious
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1162 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 15:33:11
|
Dean-
Did you really saw Gener cryin' in his sleep?
|
|
|
|
Cult_Of_Frank
= Black Noise Maker =
Canada
11690 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 17:53:06
|
I'm of course delighted to offer solutions to your various quandries.
Floop - Take one teaspoon of toothpaste, add several drops of superglue, and rub the solution on your cat or dog. Shave off the resulting globs, and use a screwdriver to push it deep into your drain. The other clog will be so intimidated it will run down the pipes in terror. As a side benefit, you now have a mighty clog that will leave your plumber stumped.
Cheesman1000/PsychicTwin - The problem with your collective parsley plants is not lack of water or sun. Rather, it's in toxic shock from the copious amounts of feces used to fertilize. Remember, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing.
Ebb - That's what Deaner was talkin' about. He's been doing this lately, too, except in the middle of a set. It was really embarassing and we had to cancel our tour.
 "Join the Cult of Frank 2.0 / And you'll be enlightened (free for 1.x members)" |
|
|
|
VoVat
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
USA
9168 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 18:35:46
|
Dean,
Is there any way to stop cheese from going moldy?
Sincerely,
Some Jerk
"Signature quotes are so lame." --Nathan |
|
|
|
betty
= Cult of Ray =
USA
258 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 20:10:45
|
dean,
what is gravity?
love,
betty
|
|
|
|
Daisy Girl
~ Abstract Brain ~
Belize
5305 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 20:34:35
|
Dean,
I spilled fat free chocolate pudding on my carpet and I can't get the stain out. Please help! Thank you.
Stop theif! Help Camper Van Get its stolen gear back!
http://www.campervanbeethoven.com/gearstolen/ |
|
|
|
apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 21:08:23
|
Dear Dean,
The lady on the AM radio News just said that if we saw any weird lights that the Sheriff says "they're only a meteor shower". Is the sky really falling? Or is it aliens?
I don't think we have much time,
Hi in Ohio |
|
|
|
Cult_Of_Frank
= Black Noise Maker =
Canada
11690 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 21:20:15
|
VoVat - Mold on cheese is a sign of distinction, like facial hair on an old woman. Instead of trying to wax it off, you should let it grow to its richest, and enjoy the way it tickles your lips.
Betty - Gravity is a phenomena which exists in two states: comical, and serious. The serious state is thankfully rather rare, and can suck the fun out of living rather quickly. Occasionally, you'll hear someone refer to a situation of serious gravity. When you hear these words, run. The comical state is far more common and is at work every time you see someone trip, wipe out, or fall down a flight of stairs and landing at the feet of an incredibly attractive member of the opposite sex. It happens so often that the 'comical' adjective is usually dropped in favour of just saying 'gravity'.
Daisy Chick - Get a new carpet. If that is not possible, try placing a hideous sculpture on or near it to divert attention. Or, if you want to live dangerously, you can attempt to neutralize the colour. Find a substance with the exact opposite hue of the pudding in question (this information should be supplied readily on the pudding's packaging) and return the colour to normal.
On a side note, while I've never heard of Camper Van Get, I do agree that we need to stop the if. It is a dangerous movement that places lives and productivity in jeapordy by constantly attempting to determine potential future outcomes. For example: If a thief stole my dictionary, would I still be able to spell words correctly?
Hi in Ohio - If these weird lights have some profound significance, a tie-died appearance, or start to speak to you, they probably are a direct result of you being 'high' in Ohio. If they do not do these things, then I can definitely say without hyperbole that a gazillion space aliens from the planet Zublar are descending upon Earth and that our day of reckoning has come. Stock up on scented papers and head for a shelter immediately. You haven't much time.
Skatealex1 - If you are truly concerned about your health, you should neither smoke nor eat cigarettes. Rather, insert a lit one into your anus to burn off any lethal methane that may be escaping and contaminating the air you breathe. There is now a website that offers a product to do this and with which you can still wear underwear. http://www.methaneguardian.com
"Join the Cult of Frank 2.0 / And you'll be enlightened (free for 1.x members)" |
Edited by - Cult_Of_Frank on 10/24/2004 23:16:41 |
|
|
|
Skatealex1
* Dog in the Sand *
1705 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 21:27:29
|
Dean-What's healthier eating a cigarette or smoking it?
The Truth Is Out There |
|
|
|
Ebb Vicious
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1162 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2004 : 23:45:43
|
| are you living for love? |
|
|
|
whoreatthedoor
> Teenager of the Year <
Spain
2873 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 04:50:32
|
Maybe this isn't the appropriate place to talk about it, but I've been worried about one thing:
I've posted some information (including prize) of a Breeders vinyl in the Pixies section. 4AD isn't paying me for posting it, I just thought it was a nice and relatively cheap item for Pixies fans. But I've seen it again and it looks like an advertisement. I'm sure that you, in your infinite powers, have seen it and allowed it in a certain way, but I don't know what you think about it. I mean, did I make something wrong? Must I delete it?
Thanks.
"¡¡¡Bien!!!, dame el ritmo. Así es mejor" - Jonathan Richman |
Edited by - whoreatthedoor on 10/25/2004 05:07:13 |
|
|
|
GypsyDeath
Zapped Profile
3575 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 06:20:46
|
Dear Dean,
How should I organise my CDs and Records? Should it be alphabetically, in order of importance, perhaps by year released, label successfulness, those that are alive and still going, to those who have split, to those that are dead? Please help me Dean, I dont know what to do. Their are cds everywhere, I need some sense of ORDER.
Your Sincerely
Struck Out
God forbid I exude confidence and enjoy sex |
|
|
|
Cult_Of_Frank
= Black Noise Maker =
Canada
11690 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 07:58:26
|
Ebb - While I am often credited with having invented love, I have since moved on and now live for obscure references and a snack called mantolato.
Whore - While I actually haven't seen that thread, I'm sure your intentions were good so I wouldn't worry about how it looks. What? You were expecting another attempt at a comical reply?
Struck Out - I often receive this question, it is indeed an issue that vexes many. The key to effectively ordering your albums is to do so in reverse alphabetical order, starting with the letter 'k', of the producers' wives' maiden name. Not only will this satisfy your anal cravings, but it renders your system virtually invulnerable to criticism or tampering as people will be too confused to either find a record or shocked/awed to comment on your organization. Plus you look smarter than them.
"Join the Cult of Frank 2.0 / And you'll be enlightened (free for 1.x members)" |
|
|
|
GypsyDeath
Zapped Profile
3575 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 09:43:57
|
My god, i dont know why I didnt think of that before. Thank you so much, oh wise one. Never again will i be fauxed at organising.
God forbid I exude confidence and enjoy sex |
|
|
|
Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 09:48:58
|
Dean,
I continually find my cat drinking out of the toilet and I cannot get my family to cooperate on keeping the lid closed. I also use a drop in the tank toilet cleaner. What will become of my cat?
__________
Godfather of nothing, ancesters of none.
Black glasses and feedback took my sense of fun.
|
|
|
|
n/a
deleted
4894 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 10:03:40
|
Dean,
I am constantly plagued with my socks twisting around in my shoe, so the heel is eventually at the top of my foot. I have tried different materials, and small children socks and tighter shoes yet every day when I get home my sock is all twisted. How can I put an end to this ordeal?
Frank Black ate my hamster |
|
|
|
Cult_Of_Frank
= Black Noise Maker =
Canada
11690 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 10:11:49
|
Caroylnanna - Your cat will smell fresh as a daisy and produce blue urine. This is very much admired among fellow cats, as it indicates a quality owner, and will elevate your cat's social status to super-elite. NOTE: This can result in costly food bills when your super-elite cat insists on filet of sole cooked in white wine instead of the canned tuna.
Tre - You have several options. The first is to surgically attach the sock to your foot. Then, if it does twist, you will be far more concerned about torn skin. There is also the added bonus of never again needing to buy/wash socks. Just shower with them on. The second is to create your own 'heelless' sock so that no matter what, the heel is never at the top of your foot. I foresee a great demand for these. You may cut me in for 10% of your gross revenue. Finally, you could wear sandals. Preferably without socks.
"Join the Cult of Frank 2.0 / And you'll be enlightened (free for 1.x members)" |
|
|
|
kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 10:31:46
|
Dear Dean
I am glad that this thread is up because my problem is not an imaginary or funny one. All my subscriptions have been deleted or erased or whatever. I have no idea what happened. Any ideas? And what can I do other than go re-subscribe? Thanks.
Signed
Awfully Quiet All of a Sudden
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank |
|
|
|
Broken Face
-= Forum Pistolero =-
USA
5157 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 10:40:35
|
Dear Dean,
I find that no matter how much sleep i get lately, i am always tired. any herbal remedy that you know of would be grearly appreciated
signed
no energy in new jersey |
|
|
|
Sir Rockabye
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1158 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 12:54:17
|
Dear Dean,
No matter how many pairs of socks I put on, my feet remain cold. Any suggestions?
Your's truly,
Frozen Toes
Turn the spit on that pig and kick the drum and let me down.
Put my clarinet beneath your bed 'til I get back in town.
|
|
|
|
Ebb Vicious
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1162 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 13:01:22
|
dear dean,
my advice column was better.
ebb |
|
|
|
kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 14:13:10
|
Dear Dean
I am still anxiously awaiting your thoughts/suggestions/solutions/ideas
about my subscription list going by way of Johnny Marr's career.
Signed
For Real
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank |
|
|
|
Cult_Of_Frank
= Black Noise Maker =
Canada
11690 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 14:49:20
|
Awfully Quiet/For Real - I have no idea but am looking into it. I'll get back to you when I find something out. Sorry.
No Energy - Clearly this is a cry for help in the bedroom. If you are not 'energetic' anymore, there are pills that can stimulate you. Unfortunately they are not herbal. I've also heard that applying tabasco sauce to the area can keep you 'awake' for almost three hours which should be plenty of time. Best of luck!
Frozen Toes - My toes always freeze when I go skiing. The solution is to spend more time in the chalet with hot chocolate, chili, and attractive young snow bunnies. Offer to warm their feet and their hearts. Soon there was nothing cold about me... err.. you. Yeah.
Ebb - Congratulations.
"Join the Cult of Frank 2.0 / And you'll be enlightened (free for 1.x members)" |
|
|
|
Cheeseman1000
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Iceland
8201 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 14:51:50
|
Dean,
How will it feel when I hit the big 6k?
In Awe, London
"You ever seen a man say goodbye to a shoe?"
"Yes, once..." |
|
|
|
VoVat
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
USA
9168 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 14:59:49
|
Dear Dean,
Just what are these "family values" that the conservatives are always talking about?
Sincerely,
My Butt
"Signature quotes are so lame." --Nathan |
|
|
|
kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 17:12:15
|
Dear Dean
Finally, an advice columnist with a heart. Or a clue about tech matters
gone horribly, horribly wrong.
Signed
Waiting To Find Out What Happened
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank |
|
|
|
Cult_Of_Frank
= Black Noise Maker =
Canada
11690 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 17:37:10
|
In Awe, London - Thanks for mailing Dean, Saskatoon. While he is unavailable to respond to your message directly, he did want me to pass on that it felt exactly like when he hit 3673.
Mya Butt - Well, the family values fall into three basic categories. Sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll. The conservatives must balance these three fundamentals into a wholesome, homogenized family life. That may sound bad, but it's actually quite good. Few "left wing" families, who are notoriously evil by the way, quite impart on their kids the ability to do all three of these things at once and in perfect harmony. Either it's too much sex, not enough drugs, or an overdose on rock and roll. Which, on second thought, sounds exactly where I'd like to be at. I'm switching teams.
Kathryn - I think it's clear I'm without a heart, but I make up for it by a very strong upper body, which I call a 'torso'.
"Join the Cult of Frank 2.0 / And you'll be enlightened (free for 1.x members)" |
|
|
|
kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 17:40:04
|
Little heart...................It's true.
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank |
Edited by - kathryn on 10/25/2004 17:42:23 |
|
|
|
Ebb Vicious
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1162 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 17:49:21
|
dean,
does tom petty have any talent or is he just another bob dylan impersonating dweeb?
ebb |
|
|
|
Cult_Of_Frank
= Black Noise Maker =
Canada
11690 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 20:45:00
|
Katherin - Yes.
Ebb - No.
"Join the Cult of Frank 2.0 / And you'll be enlightened (free for 1.x members)" |
|
|
|
Sir Mike
- FB Fan -
USA
88 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2004 : 21:26:48
|
Dean,
I think Cookie Monster might be stalking me. I saw him outside my window with a chainsaw arm like Bruce Campbell had when he fought the army of darkness. Should I confront the monster-muppet or get more sleep?
=P
________________________
Do you ever really know who you are? |
|
|
|
VoVat
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
USA
9168 Posts |
Posted - 10/27/2004 : 17:34:44
|
Dear Dean,
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Sincerely,
Confused
"Signature quotes are so lame." --Nathan |
|
|
|
hammerhands
* Dog in the Sand *
Canada
1594 Posts |
Posted - 10/27/2004 : 17:50:42
|
Dear Dean,
About the band Chicago
They were so good, why do they suck so bad? Is it the same for Deep Purple?
What does "25 or 6 to 4" mean?
Thank you for your time in this matter.
Lost in the 70's |
Edited by - hammerhands on 10/27/2004 17:52:27 |
|
|
|
LBF1976
= Cult of Ray =
269 Posts |
Posted - 10/27/2004 : 19:42:51
|
Dear Dean,
What's love got to do with, got to do with it?
Tiny Turner
Floops quesedillas zijn te vergelijken met het likken van fatsige Albert's aars nadat hij een fles laxeermiddel heeft leeggedronken. |
|
|
|
Topic |
|
Ask Dean
