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TheCroutonFuton
- Mr. Setlists -
USA
1728 Posts |
 Posted - 01/28/2004 : 21:02:23
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Let's take a look at the latest movies, shall we?
1. You Got Served: Personally, I'm sick of all of the "movies" starring rap and hip-hop stars. I'm sick of wigger movies. I'm sick of ghetto movies. It's not funny anymore and to tell you the truth, it never really was funny. The next time you see two gangs battling by breakdancing in the middle of the street instead of holding their gun sideways (which reduces accuracy) and shooting the shit out of eachother. They should just get all of the upcoming movies that are like this..put them together...and call it "The Last Big Black Movie"! That way we won't have to tolerate this crap anymore. No, I'm not racist...but I'm sick of it. I'm sure most of you agree.
2. The Perfect Score: MTV Movies need to go out of bussiness and soon. This idea is nothing new...it isn't clever...it's not funny...it's redundant as hell. "You know what SIT stands for? Sick and twisted." - OH! THAT'S FUNNY AS HELL HAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAAHAHAHA - not. Although I do think the movie properly portrays the dumbfuckness of mainstream preps. They're not smart enough to do good so they cheat. God, these movies are annoying. And for all of the guys who are going to say "Oh well Scarlet Whatsername's in it!"...just think about the premise of the movie and then shut the fuck up you shallow, shallow bastards. Moving on...
3. The Big Bounce:Oh...here's another REAL original story: Cons conning eachother. Even the Simpsons cashed in on this a long time ago! Morgan Freeman is in it as the person who's "controlling it all"...okay, he has been in this roll for every fucking movie. It's disgusting. I don't care what stars are in it: it's dumb.
4. The Butterfly Effect: Okay, here we go: There has been a new standard of fucktardism that has been set by the motherfucker (literally) known as Ashton Kutcher. He's too flaky and dumb to ever come across as being serious in a movie. "The Butterfly Effect" is a real thing, though, discovered by the meteorologist Edward Lorenz. It's basically as follows: Demonstrates how a slight alteration in the initial conditions of a weather system (for example) affects major alterations in the behaviour of the system. A butterfly flapping it's wings over Tokyo causes hurricanes in Miami...It's disgusting to see it butchered in a movie.
5. Catch That Kid: Kid "spy" movies are over, hollywood. That's all I need to say for this movie. Hell, that's all that's worth saying.
6. Win A Date With Ted Hamilton: You've got to be pulling my leg out of my socket for this one...Flaky chick flick in the style of every other chick flick ever made in the history of the world. EVER.
Torque: Thankyou, Hollywood, for setting an even lower standard for realistic physics and anything else for that matter. Lame.
Miracle: Oh, Great...another "underdog wins" hockey movie. Atleast this one is based on a real story...
50 First Dates: Oh...yay...another movie with Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore....*gag* It seems that some shit writer stumbled onto "Memento" and thought it would be funny as a comedy. So stupid. Anyone who was in that condition would come up with a system to "remember" things like in Memento. Plus..a cute little penguin gets run over by a car!!!!! Repulsing.
Guess what? There's going to be another Jurrasic Park. I'm sure Michael Crichton is pissed off as hell. The last one (3) wasn't based on a book and sucked ass. Just imagine the next one...or better yet: Try not to.
Wow I ranted a lot. Sorry about that...but this disgusts me. Atleast we have the Lord of the Rings...which, even then, has me disgusted in some ways. Maybe that will be my next rant thread. Comments? Post away.
 "Join the Cult of Gunn / And Then You'll Be Destined to be a Rock and Roll Star of Epical Proportions!" |
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El Barto
= Song DB Master =
USA
4020 Posts |
Posted - 01/28/2004 : 21:10:39
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Agreed. But Adam Sandler kicks your ass. Even if his movies are overly cheesy, that's what makes them appealing.
 "Join the Cult of Brit / And let your oral hygiene go out the window." |
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SpudBoy
= Cult of Ray =
Equatorial Guinea
649 Posts |
Posted - 01/28/2004 : 21:11:08
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Hey man - there is actually a future in this line of venting.
http://www.bigempire.com/filthy/
Enjoy!
(edit - a quote!)The Butterfly Effect was made by retards, the kind who think they know science without ever doing all that unpleasant reading and studying that real scientists bother with. What a fatheaded, boring-ass, unpleasant load of bad science posing as entertainment.
 I looked for a cult to join, then decided to just play "Sink". Hey! I sank WallaWalla Washington! |
Edited by - SpudBoy on 01/28/2004 21:12:48 |
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TheCroutonFuton
- Mr. Setlists -
USA
1728 Posts |
Posted - 01/28/2004 : 21:12:44
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I respect Mr. Sandler for his stupid humor which I love...but lately his movies haven't been nearly as funny as the good old days. (Happy Gilmore rocks so hard.)
"Join the Cult of Gunn / And Then You'll Be Destined to be a Rock and Roll Star of Epical Proportions!" |
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GypsyDeath
Zapped Profile
3575 Posts |
Posted - 01/28/2004 : 21:19:23
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I totally agree with you crouton. You are now offically the forum 'Film (or movie as you would say) Guru'
Also, any opinons on Remakes that hollywood have gone crazy about? Like Italian Job, and apparently they will be doing a remake of Alfie!!! Are they crazy!?!!
By the way, this is also a cheeky attempt to get some opinions for my essay im wrting on 'film remakes'..
Boys go to Jupiter,Become more stupider,
Girls go to Mars, Become rock stars |
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SpudBoy
= Cult of Ray =
Equatorial Guinea
649 Posts |
Posted - 01/28/2004 : 21:21:28
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I'm sure someone has written something like that before - why not just adapt theirs and be true to form?
I looked for a cult to join, then decided to just play "Sink". Hey! I sank WallaWalla Washington! |
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TheCroutonFuton
- Mr. Setlists -
USA
1728 Posts |
Posted - 01/28/2004 : 21:32:33
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How about Ocean's 11, eh? "Oh well it has like 50 fucking huge stars so it must be good."
Wrong. So fucking boring. No real plot. No character development. Lame as fucking hell.
Peter Pan - What the hell?! Has Whacko Jacko been fondling film directors' children or something? That's the only reasonable explanation that I could come up with as to why there are like 15 fucking "different" versions of this story.
"Join the Cult of Gunn / And Then You'll Be Destined to be a Rock and Roll Star of Epical Proportions!" |
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Thomas
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1615 Posts |
Posted - 01/29/2004 : 08:28:31
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quote:
Originally posted by TheCroutonFuton
5. Catch That Kid: Kid "spy" movies are over, hollywood. That's all I need to say for this movie. Hell, that's all that's worth saying.
I hold FLOOP personally responsible for all the "Spy Kids" type movies. Hang your head in shame. 
Movies I'm tired of Hollywood making use the very tired "cast is killed off one by one but one person survives to kill (or so you think) the menace" or what I like to call the Aliens or Friday the 13th Plot.
Although it wasn't the above plot, while channel surfing the other day I saw the last 45 min of a movie called "Turbulence 3 - Heavy Metal". I was dumb struck to keep watching because I couldn't believe anyone in Hollywood would actually accept the screen play and think it would be a good movie. After it was over I turned to my wife and said, "Why don't we write a screen play. There has got to be someone stupid in Hollywood who will actually think it's good enough to make into a film." Then I realized I'd be adding to the stupidness.
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Thomas
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1615 Posts |
Posted - 01/29/2004 : 09:27:52
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I always thought the title for the movie Butterfly Effect was taken from the Ray Bradbury story "A Sound of Thunder". The Bradbury story goes like this; A time machine will take you to whenever in time you want to go for a safari. A hunter goes back to kill a T-Rex and he is instructed to stay on the path. The hunter deviates from the path and when he returns to his own time he notices that there are a few changes. He finds a dead butterfly that fell from his muddy boot because he didn’t stay on the path. Killing that butterfly caused the future, his present, to change.
The scientific theory of the Butterfly Effect has more to do with a weather phenomenon than time travel. I’m pretty sure the Bradbury story was written before Lorenz’ theory. I wonder if there is a link in the two.
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cvanepps
= Cult of Ray =
USA
442 Posts |
Posted - 01/29/2004 : 09:37:02
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The end? I don't think so, if you look at it with some historical perspective. Not since the 70s (which is arguably the decade that produced more top-quality films than any other) have we seen such artistic quality. Even during the 70's, they made crap exploitation films that had little merit and only served to make money. You just have to know what to avoid...your list, Crouton, is a solid start!
The next step is separating the wheat from the chaff. I submit whole wheat, baby:
Royal Tenenbaums
In the Company of Men
May
Station Agent
Your Friends and Neighbors
American Beauty
Monster's Ball
High Fidelity
Man on the Moon
The Apostle
Punch-Drunk Love
Igby Goes Down
Memento
Donnie Darko
Ararat
Magnolia
Ghost World
Being John Malkovich
Kingpin
The Limey
The Insider
In the Bedroom
Roger Dodger
The Contender
Hulk
Nurse Betty
Moonlight Mile
Adaptation
28 Days Later
Mumford
Bowfinger
The Truman Show
-= It's not easy to kidnap a fat man =-
http://christophervanepps.iuma.com |
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Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
Posted - 01/29/2004 : 09:41:12
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the Hulk?
That ain't no Lou Ferigno. |
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cvanepps
= Cult of Ray =
USA
442 Posts |
Posted - 01/29/2004 : 09:46:40
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I loved Hulk! It was brilliant. The popularity level of music, movies, books, etc. has zero impact on whether or not I'll like it. Zero.
-= It's not easy to kidnap a fat man =-
http://christophervanepps.iuma.com |
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Owen
- FB Fan -
USA
165 Posts |
Posted - 01/29/2004 : 10:50:08
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| I read somewhere that the studios release their most crapnificent movies in January and February. It probably has to do with the winter weather, post-Xmas economic slowdown, and the Groundhog Day conspiracy. The only good movies out are the ones with deliberate Oscar ambitions released just in time to garner a nomination. So I think that explains a lot of the first post in this thread. Now, I don't know what their excuse is for the other (does the math 12-2) 10 months in the year. |
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Carl
- A 'Fifth' Catholic -
Ireland
11546 Posts |
Posted - 01/29/2004 : 10:53:45
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The Lord Of The Rings trilogy! 'Nuff said!
Er, I mean that's GOOD for movies. Even if(or perhaps because?) they're big blockbustaz. |
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El Barto
= Song DB Master =
USA
4020 Posts |
Posted - 01/29/2004 : 15:01:18
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The Hulk? Are you fucking kidding me? That movie was fucking HORRIBLE. Absolute shit.
"Join the Cult of Brit / And let your oral hygiene go out the window." |
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Malax
* Dog in the Sand *
United Kingdom
1340 Posts |
Posted - 01/29/2004 : 15:07:20
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El Barto. Agreed. They would have been better off getting a less 'cool' director and making a kids film. It would have been better. hats off to Lee though he tried something different. Pity it licked nutsack.
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, Sugar Is Sweet...Im Gonna Break Your Face. |
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interloper
= Cult of Ray =
440 Posts |
Posted - 01/29/2004 : 15:32:22
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I applaud Cruton for his (or her) observations. Films are so formula it's ridiculous. They can all very easily be put in a catagory (unless of course it's a remake, which gets more common by the day). Kind of like music, huh?
Hand held shower nozzles are the demon enemy of the patriarch and should be destroyed. |
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VoVat
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
USA
9168 Posts |
Posted - 01/29/2004 : 16:49:04
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quote:
2. The Perfect Score: MTV Movies need to go out of bussiness and soon. This idea is nothing new...it isn't clever...it's not funny...it's redundant as hell. "You know what SIT stands for? Sick and twisted." - OH! THAT'S FUNNY AS HELL HAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAAHAHAHA - not. Although I do think the movie properly portrays the dumbfuckness of mainstream preps. They're not smart enough to do good so they cheat.
Yeah, movies like this really angry up my blood. It's not just that they're incredibly stupid (which they are), but I hated the kind of idiot teen culture celebrated by MTV back when I was a teenager, and I still hate it now. MTV doesn't just pander to the lowest common denominator; they make movies that even the lowest common denominator would find stupid. I can't totally put into words why I hate this kind of stuff, but it's good to know that I'm not the only one.
Besides, doesn't everyone get a different SAT? It's not like you can just steal an answer key and copy it. I guess I could give them the benefit of a doubt and say that they might end up addressing this, but does MTV really DESERVE the benefit of a doubt?
quote:
Torque: Thankyou, Hollywood, for setting an even lower standard for realistic physics and anything else for that matter. Lame.
It's kind of amusing that there's a movie called "Torque," though. What's next? "Strong Gravitational Force"?
quote:
Guess what? There's going to be another Jurrasic Park.
I hope they have another dinosaur eat a cell phone! Or better yet, make it a loudspeaker this time. Wouldn't that be HILARIOUS?
(And no, I didn't actually watch JP3.)
-Nathan
And how does lemur's skin reflect the sea?
http://vovat.blogspot.com/ |
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SpudBoy
= Cult of Ray =
Equatorial Guinea
649 Posts |
Posted - 01/29/2004 : 17:09:38
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quote:
Originally posted by VoVat
quote:
2. The Perfect Score: MTV Movies
...snip!
Yeah, movies like this really angry up my blood. It's not just that they're incredibly stupid (which they are), but I hated the kind of idiot teen culture celebrated by MTV back when I was a teenager, and I still hate it now. MTV doesn't just pander to the lowest common denominator; they make movies that even the lowest common denominator would find stupid. I can't totally put into words why I hate this kind of stuff, but it's good to know that I'm not the only one.
Besides, doesn't everyone get a different SAT? It's not like you can just steal an answer key and copy it. I guess I could give them the benefit of a doubt and say that they might end up addressing this, but does MTV really DESERVE the benefit of a doubt?
To pile on to what a total fucking travesty this movie is (and I haven't even seen it - we rented "Better Luck Tomorrow" which got rave reviews out of various film festivals and is put out by none other than MTV Films. We could not make it through 30 minutes of this. It has basically the same plot, but with race issues thrown in for indy cred. I really hate MTV. I mean Hate.
I looked for a cult to join, then decided to just play "Sink". Hey! I sank WallaWalla Washington! |
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TheCroutonFuton
- Mr. Setlists -
USA
1728 Posts |
Posted - 01/29/2004 : 18:01:53
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(I'm a he, haha.)
The Hulk: Instead of making it a normal hour and a half shit movie they had to stretch it so it seemed like you were on deathrow just begging for the damned injection.
"Join the Cult of Gunn / And Then You'll Be Destined to be a Rock and Roll Star of Epical Proportions!" |
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Malax
* Dog in the Sand *
United Kingdom
1340 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2004 : 04:10:55
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I hate to ruin this hate parade, but I must point out that films are like anything else, they are there to make money (Hollywood movies in particular) and to do this they make movies that the vast majority of people are gonna wanna watch. Re-make a classic stick a couple of big name stars in there. BOOM box office hit. Its just like music, labels put out music aimed at a vast amount of people. What do we do when they do this? We don't buy it, we pretend its not there and listen to music with substance and such, like Frank. So what Im saying is why don't you just do the same with movies, no one makes you watch them. To be honest its the only way the film companys will see, if everyone stopped watching wigger movies they would be few and far between. It won't happen, but it can't help.
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, Sugar Is Sweet...Im Gonna Break Your Face. |
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VoVat
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
USA
9168 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2004 : 08:45:00
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You don't see commercials for crappy albums as often as you do for crappy movies, though.
-Nathan
And how does lemur's skin reflect the sea?
http://vovat.blogspot.com/ |
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cvanepps
= Cult of Ray =
USA
442 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2004 : 09:22:30
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quote:
Originally posted by El Barto
The Hulk? Are you fucking kidding me?
No.
quote:
That movie was fucking HORRIBLE. Absolute shit.
I disagree.
-= It's not easy to kidnap a fat man =-
http://christophervanepps.iuma.com |
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Carl
- A 'Fifth' Catholic -
Ireland
11546 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2004 : 10:08:33
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| I wanna see it, but can never be bothered to rent it. There's supposed to be a dodgy-CGI bit with these dogs attackin' him, or something. |
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Dave Noisy
Minister of Chaos
Canada
4496 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2004 : 11:39:03
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I thought The Butterfly Effect was alright. The acting is kinda lame, and rather inconsistant storyline..but the concept of the movie had me thinking enough i didn't notice that so much. =)
Anyway, i enjoyed it. Haven't seen any of the other flicks mentioned.. Saw half of Peter Pan, i thought it was the best remake of the story so far. Peter and Wendy were absolutely charming, wonderfully expressive. I like how it was more dark as well. I think someone commented that this is more like the book.. Didn't get to see the end tho..stupid guy posting it only posted half the files..gah. |
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mcmikey
= Cult of Ray =
799 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2004 : 11:58:28
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quote:
Originally posted by cvanepps
I loved Hulk! It was brilliant. The popularity level of music, movies, books, etc. has zero impact on whether or not I'll like it. Zero.
-= It's not easy to kidnap a fat man =-
http://christophervanepps.iuma.com
it was so slow. Its like an hour into the movie before the accident that causes the Hulk! I tried watching it twice and feel asleep both times. Horrible, horrible, horrible
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peace, I'm out |
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Carl
- A 'Fifth' Catholic -
Ireland
11546 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2004 : 12:19:48
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| It was kinda expected to be a hit...but it flopped disasterously. Still would'nt mind seeing it, though. |
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El Barto
= Song DB Master =
USA
4020 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2004 : 14:06:48
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It's like some fucking newb figured out how to use Maya and decided to make a movie with a gigantic, rediculously shitty and fake looking Hulk. Fucking FUCK CGI.
"Join the Cult of Brit / And let your oral hygiene go out the window." |
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Carl
- A 'Fifth' Catholic -
Ireland
11546 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2004 : 14:09:29
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| I think it's closer to the original comic...however, roll on Spidey 2! |
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VoVat
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
USA
9168 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2004 : 18:29:20
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quote:
Saw half of Peter Pan, i thought it was the best remake of the story so far. Peter and Wendy were absolutely charming, wonderfully expressive. I like how it was more dark as well. I think someone commented that this is more like the book..
I think it was actually a play before it was a book. It was obviously a book before it was a movie, though. I like some children's literature (mostly Oz, but other stuff as well), but I've never really been interested in Peter Pan.
-Nathan
And how does lemur's skin reflect the sea?
http://vovat.blogspot.com/ |
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