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Dave Noisy
Minister of Chaos
Canada
4496 Posts |
 Posted - 09/19/2003 : 14:21:15
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"President Bush is on a 35-day vacation, and before he left he had his annual physical, and it turns out his cholesterol now is lower than his approval rating."
David Letterman
"Yesterday, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he would run for governor of California. The announcement was good news for Florida residents who now live in the second flakiest state in the country."
Conan O'Brien
"Apparently Arnold was inspired by President Bush, who proved you can be a successful politician in this country even if English is your second language."
Conan O'Brien
"They're saying Arnold will get 95% of the vote. At least according to his brother, Jeb Schwarzenegger."
Craig Kilborn
"President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger."
David Letterman
"Here's how bad California looks to the rest of the country. People in Florida are laughing at us."
Jay Leno
"As you know, President Bush is on his 29-day vacation, which is three days longer than last year. Well, can you blame him? Have you ever been to Crawford, Texas? You can't squeeze it all in in 26 days."
Jay Leno
"Well, we're all excited because President Bush has started his 35-day vacation. He's down there in Crawford, Texas; and on the first day of his vacation he went fishing. He didn't find any fish. But he believes they're there and that his intelligence is accurate."
David Letterman
"Some good news for the economy. President Bush went on a month-long vacation."
Jay Leno
"The White House released a videotape of President Bush meeting with his cabinet, and today Iraqi officials say they believe the tape is authentic."
Jay Leno
"The United States is putting together a Constitution now for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It's served us well for 200 years, and we don't appear to be using it anymore. So what the hell?"
Jay Leno
"President Bush held his first full press conference in over five months this week. He announced that the war on terrorism is continuing, much, much more work needs to be done on the economy, and Saddam Hussein has not yet been captured. And then he said, 'I'm going on vacation for a month.'"
Jay Leno
"President Bush is leaving to go to Crawford, Texas, for a 35-day working vacation. This should go over big with all the people taking a can't-get-work vacation."
David Letterman
"The White House says that the vacation in Texas will give President Bush the chance to unwind. My question is, when does the guy wind?"
David Letterman
"If you add up all the time he's spent on the ranch, he's spent more time in hiding than bin Laden and Hussein put together."
Bill Maher
"President Bush's economic team is now on their Jobs and Growth bus tour all across America. I think the only job they created so far is for the guy driving the bus."
Jay Leno
"President Bush has refused to declassify portions of the congressional 9/11 reports about the Saudis, because he says it will help the enemy. Not Al Qaeda, the Democrats."
Jay Leno
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