| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| jimmy |
Posted - 06/08/2006 : 18:50:56
After five years and thousands of dollars, I've decided to stop taking dope.
I know what you're thinking: "Jimmy, don't stop doing smack; you won't be as cool when you're clean. We love you just the way you are, Jimmy. Don't change."
I think this is for the best. But, if you really feel strongly about it you can always send me whatever opiate pills you've got around the house. I'll never stop taking those. They're medicine.
Anyway, I'll probably be away from the forum for a couple weeks, not in detox, just in bed, eating Smarties and Bottle Caps and watching TV.
Withdrawl isn't that bad, it's just like the flu. But you know what I've found is the strangest symptom: wet dreams -I guess because the dope is so numbing and when you're on it you have no interest in sex.
"Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you." JOHN 15:14 |
| 35 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| cassandra is |
Posted - 06/14/2006 : 00:25:34
well... good luck to you too Kathryn
pas de bras pas de chocolat |
| kathryn |
Posted - 06/13/2006 : 21:00:43
In no way intending to derail the thread, wanna say that today was yet another day when my friend the addict called several times to talk about her self-created mess. It's late, I've had a full day and I yet again regret giving her my new tel number. At some point it becomes about self-responsibility. Jimmy, this is in no way directed at you, I don't know your situation, but I do know that my family is calmer now that a heroin addicted family member ODed. Sorry if that sounds awful but we no longer worry about locking up our belongings or when his inevitable death would happen. With my friend it's as if she needs an audience to what I can only perceive to be her self-created game where she gets to see how many people she can shock and alienate. It seems perhaps deceptively simple from the non-addicted outside: stop doping, stop ending up in trouble with the cops ... if only so I don't get awakened by wacked-out late-night calls from jail. After all these years w. my friend and before his death with my cousin, I know it's not as easy as telling someone to straighten up and fly right. But, shit, I get so friggin tired of watching the inevitable cycle. Sorry. Again, Jimmy, I know nothing about your situation, I just know that it's been yet another exhausting, baffling day for me on the sidelines. Good luck to you.
I’m the only one who can say that this light is mine
|
| jimmy |
Posted - 06/13/2006 : 17:14:26
PixieSteve, I can't stay away from the FBF- I'm hooked. |
| jimmy |
Posted - 06/13/2006 : 17:12:10
Erebus, it's weird, the last time I posted, it said Last Post: Erebus. But when I looked, I didn't see that post that you wrote. I didn't see it till just now.
I wish I hadn't written that post last night, because 1) I honestly don't want anyone feeling bad for me or thinking that's what I want
2) I'm not a writer, and I know I didn't even come close to describing the feeling 3) I try to lie as little as possible, but I try to tell the truth even less. |
| darwin |
Posted - 06/13/2006 : 16:30:08
Just keep popping Smarties and you'll be alright. |
| Erebus |
Posted - 06/13/2006 : 15:40:32
OK. So now I feel stupid. Oh well.
|
| PixieSteve |
Posted - 06/13/2006 : 15:40:17
so really, you're not going to be away from the FBF...
FAST_MAN RAIDER_MAN - June 19th |
| jimmy |
Posted - 06/13/2006 : 15:34:37
marcus4realius, this isn't the only outlet for my stories- the people on the "Golden Girls" Forum have been very supportive. They remember all the problems that Rose had when she was trying to kick pain pills
Anyway, this thread is turning into somekind of NA meeting, and of course that's my fault. It's not what I wanted it to be, but oh well.
What surprises me is, of all the people that have responded, none have said, "Hey jimmy, I got a tooth pulled last month, and the Percs my dentist gave me hurt my stomach. Would you like them?"
I know I could find the strength to stay clean if someone would send me a bunch of opiate-based pills.
"The better you look, the more you see"- Bret Easton Ellis, Glamorama |
| Erebus |
Posted - 06/13/2006 : 12:39:18
quote:
Originally posted by jimmy
I can't believe I wrote that. I can't believe I wrote it and then didn't go back and erase it all. I think if floop had just believed me in the first place I wouldn't have written it.
Why, jimmy? Because it's too personal? Because of how you'll be perceived? Because you fear it can't possibly make sense to folks who don't know where you're coming from? Why, jimmy?
I know, maybe I'm being a sap. Maybe, but I'm willing to risk it.
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| TRANSMARINE |
Posted - 06/13/2006 : 12:35:29
Floop...you should have believed him. It's all your fault.
Hank the 8th was a duplicated man
-bRIAN |
| jimmy |
Posted - 06/13/2006 : 12:29:04
I can't believe I wrote that. I can't believe I wrote it and then didn't go back and erase it all. I think if floop had just believed me in the first place I wouldn't have written it.
|
| TRANSMARINE |
Posted - 06/13/2006 : 08:44:07
Blah blah blah. Jimmy, you're a heroin addict. Your feelings of bliss at being clean for a few days are not valid...especially since you are foretelling the oncoming onslaught of happiness which are more than likely going to give you your much needed excuse to go back to the drug. You can't do this by yourself. You simply can't. You are presently, and have been for years, living with fear and dependence. It's a big loop you've built. You're not going to be able to do this by yourself, bottom line. You are an addict who will listen to nothing but your own determined will to stay one. You haven't even set a simple goal for what is to come after a couple weeks...at least not one you've expressed here. Why is that? Why would you want to quit in the first place? You say it's because you've wasted years and money, but you're OK with your health. That's nonsensical. What is five more years going to hurt? Or ten? Obviously health isn't a factor for you, and money doesn't seem to be too big an obstacle. So is it the years? Well, if you think about it, and rationalize it like an addict would, you can't get years back, but they certainly keep coming for free, so use them to the fullest! Jimmy, you are not going to get through this alone...and no one you know personally is going to be able to help you. No one. No one. No one. If you are serious about this, you will get professional help, and listen to everything they say, and STOP listening to yourself, because yourself is wrong and damaged and presently the most unintelligent and stunted brain around. You are wrong, and everything you will think or do or say from here on out will be wrong and horrible.
Hank the 8th was a duplicated man
-bRIAN |
| marcus4realius |
Posted - 06/13/2006 : 06:28:31
Whether it's true or not, it seems a sad state of affairs that the only outlet he has for his stories is here.
Personally, I don't care if he's telling the truth or not and here's why:
1. If he's telling the truth, he's a weak doper.
2. If he's not, he's a pathetic doper wanna be.
Who would you rather "hang" with? |
| Erebus |
Posted - 06/12/2006 : 21:44:14
quote:
Originally posted by jimmy
The dope pretty much stops me from feeling any human emotions and a few days after I stop, I start feeling them again. [snip] And it's not depression that I'm worried about, it's all the happy feelings. The whole world is going to seem bright and golden, there's going to be a warm breeze going through the trees, and I'm going to feel strong, and excited, and bursting with love and goodwill. I'll want to go into the world and see everybody, not just my friends, but every aquaintance I used to know, and laugh and have fun, and swim, and walk around and sleep outside on the grass. The feeling is too much, and I don't do any of these things.
This sounds authentic, in part due to its implausibility. Completely counterintuitive. I can drink a case of beer over a weekend, spending the next couple days feeling first miserable and then simply dim. A couple days later I begin to perk up. Now I’m free, to do what? Encounter what? Possibilities? Other people? God forbid, romance? Suddenly there it is again, the world, smack in the face, that same fucker I escaped a few days ago. A beer sounds good. Feels good. And it’s predictable, unlike a world of other people. Of course it’s deeper than that. It’s about one’s comfort with what the world shoves at you. It’s about one’s coping skills, which are largely a function of one’s childhood of course. Did your parents nurture healthy responses to the adversities of life? Or were they in fact THE adversities, all the while cutting you off from the possibility of viable reponse? Can’t win? Doesn’t matter what you do, you lose anyway? So retreat, into your room, your books, your music, into some world that you DO understand, where there is SOME correlation between your action and the world’s reaction. So far, so good. But the world is more than the room, and outside it lurks, with its ambiguities, and when you do inevitably venture back into it you remain the child you were when you last escaped it, with the same stunted coping skills. Doesn’t matter that the parents who drove you inward are long dead, for the world has taken their place, and you’re just as ill-equipped to deal with it as you were when you last escaped it. So you flail. Or you fake it for a bit. It’s hard to fake it all alone, but fortunately there are allies all about. A drink. A hit. Feels better. Back into the box. There’s music there, my music, my Frank even. So we have topics like this: man in a box that nobody else can see.
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| danjersey |
Posted - 06/12/2006 : 20:07:27
if you were to "go into the world and see everybody, not just my friends, but every aquaintance I used to know, and laugh and have fun, and swim, and walk around and sleep outside on the grass. The feeling is too much, and I don't do any of these things. "
people would think you're crazy, but no, they are the mad, the afraid.
so you buzz. |
| jimmy |
Posted - 06/12/2006 : 19:21:50
Looking at my last post, it doesn't seem right.
I think I owe it to everyone to be honest, at least this one time.
It's true that everything is alright. It's not all the money that bothers me, and my life and health are in OK shape; it's all the time I wasted: not just 5 years, but 5 years in my twenties.
And it's true I can handle the detox and the sickness. It's never the sickness that brings me back to it. This is going to sound very corny and stupid, but:
( I can't believe I'm writing this, I know I'm going to regret it tomorrow or sooner )
The dope pretty much stops me from feeling any human emotions and a few days after I stop, I start feeling them again.
I mentioned the wet dreams before.
Probably Wednesday or Thursday night, all of my feelings are going to come back- all of them at once. And it's not depression that I'm worried about, it's all the happy feelings. The whole world is going to seem bright and golden, there's going to be a warm breeze going through the trees, and I'm going to feel strong, and excited, and bursting with love and goodwill. I'll want to go into the world and see everybody, not just my friends, but every aquaintance I used to know, and laugh and have fun, and swim, and walk around and sleep outside on the grass. The feeling is too much, and I don't do any of these things.
Every time, that's what gets me. I have to put a stop to it.
So anyway, that's the truth, as stupid as it is. I can't believe I wrote that out. I think everyone should make fun of me and what I wrote because it's so unbelieveably dumb. I'm sorry.
"The better you look, the more you see"- Bret Easton Ellis, Glamorama |
| jimmy |
Posted - 06/12/2006 : 18:08:12
I had to laugh when I read "Let's see some pictures" then I scrolled down and saw a picture of more Smarties.
Hang on, floopy, you really don't believe me? If you don't believe me I'm going to be forced to go out and get some more and do it. I'll do it every day if I have to. Every eight hours, even.
TRANSMARINE, I get the point, I understand exactly what you're saying. Yes, my posts are "teeming with charm" and I appreciate you coming out and saying it. Frankly, it needed to be said. More importantly, I'm "still sexy". Thank you.
Anyway, I'm glad I posted this, if only because I love it when a thread that I start goes beyond 1 page. Everything really is going fine; this past weekend was the hardest, but today I went to work, going again tomorrow. I'm thinking tomorrow I might make some cupcakes with pineapple cake mix and buttercream frosting, but we'll see. Baby steps.
"Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you." JOHN 15:14 |
| Erebus |
Posted - 06/12/2006 : 13:59:02
quote:
Originally posted by floop
i personally didn't believe Jimmy or his thread for a second
Initially I was skeptical, I suppose because I've never been around heroin at all. But it does seem to be out there, reaching into every sector of society, perhaps even into the enclave of FB patronage. jimmy sounds real to me, as does Transmarine. Trans must speak from some acquaintance, as Carl noted. I've been an addict most of my life, though to nicotine, alcohol, pot. Strange existence which one curses while questioning what the alternative offers. Just glad I never encountered heroin. Good thing acid chases one away when one needs chasing.
I recall that Eric Clapton kicked heroin by replacing it with alcohol, round about his worthy 461 Ocean Boulevard follow-up to Layla. Don't know where he stands today, but it seems somewhere along the line he became addicted to love, poor bastard.
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| floop |
Posted - 06/12/2006 : 13:54:47
quote:
Originally posted by ScottP
Lets see some pictures.
i can post a picture of me with a look of disbelief on my face
"I don't have any money to buy new clothes and if they paid me to get some I'd probably buy more hoodies." - Mark Wainfur |
| Carl |
Posted - 06/12/2006 : 13:35:55
quote:
Originally posted by Cult_Of_Frank
quote:
Originally posted by dayanara
long live the real smarties!
usa! usa!
i hate anyone who doesn't like me.
Ah, these we call rockets.
 "The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts."
We call these Smarties!!
 |
| ScottP |
Posted - 06/12/2006 : 13:32:25
Lets see some pictures. |
| jimmy |
Posted - 06/12/2006 : 12:35:04
floop, I don't believe that you don't believe me. When have I ever lied?
"Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you." JOHN 15:14 |
| floop |
Posted - 06/12/2006 : 12:10:34
i personally didn't believe Jimmy or his thread for a second
"I don't have any money to buy new clothes and if they paid me to get some I'd probably buy more hoodies." - Mark Wainfur |
| TRANSMARINE |
Posted - 06/12/2006 : 12:01:55
quote:
Originally posted by darwin
quote:
Originally posted by jimmy
I'm talking about the real Smarties, the pastel-colored candy that comes in a roll.
You're going to be alright Jimmy!
No, he's not.
First off, he can't even call it HEROIN. He has to use the cool Five-0 terms. Secondly, Jimmy keeps reassuring us of things we never really even feigned interest of in the first place. Third, I thought he was going to be away from the forum for a couple weeks as to nurture his cold turkey (I mean, that was the title of the thread, unless I'm mistaken), and yet he continuosly chimes in with posts teeming with charm and bemusement. Except for the small fact that Jimmy hasn't checked in with us going on two days now. Hmmmm. Perhaps he didn't crack his 6-day record? Even though he insists "Withdrawl isn't that bad, it's just like the flu", he can't make it for more than 6 days...despite that he's gone "through withdrawl dozens of times". Oh! I forgot his 8-day stint under hospitalized methadone detoxification. Sorry about that. The relevence of that case-in-point must have not carried much weight for some strange reason. I will be sure of two things, however. Jimmy is breezy, light, and passive. As is most everyone else here in response, pertaining to this thread. I tilted 'in response' because most here on this forum can see a bullshitter a mile away. And Jimmy's bullshit attitude screams for attention...hoping to recieve a miracle, yet getting nothing but humorous remarks, because others skirting HIS issue will ultimately get Jimmy his intended fix. At least he's still sexy. Then again, we can only go by what he says, right? What else does Jimmy say?
Hank the 8th was a duplicated man
-bRIAN |
| Carl |
Posted - 06/12/2006 : 10:27:59
He's just trying to get his point across. I'm sure Trans must have seen friends get fucked up on junk first hand.
|
| lonely persuader |
Posted - 06/12/2006 : 08:47:57
Whoa??
slow down TRANS!!! |
| TRANSMARINE |
Posted - 06/12/2006 : 08:19:34
quote:
Originally posted by jimmy
TRANSMARINE: It's really not that bad, like the flu, kind of depressing too, but no big deal. As far as I know, dope doesn't cause impotence, and I've never had a problem with that and I'm always getting hard for no reason- what I notice after I've gone a couple days without it is girls are flirting with me, but I never notice that when I'm on it.
"Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you." JOHN 15:14
It most certainly does cause impotence. Why don't you stay on the 'dope' and find out? You think just because you're young that everything is going to be okay...how old are you? 20? 18? 25? A bunch of shit is going to come down REAL hard before you know it, and no matter how much you think you've primed yourself for it, it's still going to make your head spin. Things are going to get so bad in your life...moreso than you can imagine...so much worse than you can EVER imagine. You already know this, but you can't know the degree until it actually does happen. And then your going to cry and moan like a little baby, and feel so sorry for yourself, and you're going to pretend like you don't care about anything, when in fact you will care oh so much for EVERYTHING, but it won't be there for you as an option anymore...and you're going to lose, lose, lose. All gone. Bye bye. You're not gonna be okay. You're gonna be back on it in no time flat.You're going to find out all this the hard way because it's the only way for you to learn anything. And no one is going to care. I bet this is already happening. But just wait...it get's better!
Hank the 8th was a duplicated man
-bRIAN |
| Homers_pet_monkey |
Posted - 06/12/2006 : 04:38:18
I reckon that will be nice. So long as it tastes like a big After Eight.
 I'd walk her everyday, into a shady place
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| starmekitten |
Posted - 06/12/2006 : 00:53:25
In woolworths the other day they had chocolate orange - mint. I was uncertain. It was half price but I was still suspicious.
forum ebook: end of miles |
| Cheeseman1000 |
Posted - 06/11/2006 : 15:48:35
A Terry's Chocolate Orange is the prize for our office Fantasy Football. I'll buy the winner one, if I win I'm going to try and insist that everybody buys me one each.
 I have joined the Cult Of Frank/And I have dearly paid |
| Homers_pet_monkey |
Posted - 06/11/2006 : 15:26:39
Darwin, COF, have you tried this?
Divine!
I'd walk her everyday, into a shady place
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| darwin |
Posted - 06/11/2006 : 00:40:05
quote:
Originally posted by jimmy
I'm talking about the real Smarties, the pastel-colored candy that comes in a roll.
You're going to be alright Jimmy! |
| jimmy |
Posted - 06/10/2006 : 23:37:52
Now I'm really curious to see what these chocolate smarties are like. If anyone wants to send me a pack I'll send a dollar or an autographed picture of me, whichever you'd like.
For two packs, well, there's a shot of me, shirtless and tan ( a little hair on my chest and what the girls call the "happy trail" ), from last summer that can be all yours.
You can send me a private e-mail if you'd like.
( By the way, before anyone gets the impression that I might be someone who sells themselves to support their habit, really, I never did that- this is all innocent; I get some candy, some lucky forum member gets a picture they can masturbate with- everyone's happy. )
"Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you." JOHN 15:14 |
| kathryn |
Posted - 06/10/2006 : 21:16:23
This is what I'm talking about:
Eat some of those, Jimmy. Good for what ails ya. And they kick M+Ms' ass.
I’m the only one who can say that this light is mine
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| jimmy |
Posted - 06/10/2006 : 18:22:46
Tired of being in bed all day and the muscle relaxers are wearing off, thought I'd respond. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make it seem like things are so awful. Plus I've gone through withdrawl dozens of times- I just haven't made it longer than 6 days before.
danjersey: All I remember about the Little House episode is Charles locking Albert in a room and Albert shaking, screaming, and his legs kicking ( I've never felt that bad ).
Cult of Frank: That's what always happens- after a couple days, I feel sick and say to myself " (Jimmy), you're a dope fiend, just do what you're supposed to do", and then I drive myself to the big city, to the ghetto.
pixiestu: You're probably right.
cassandra is, BrokenFace: Thank you
Scott P: I think that's good advice, not just for this, but for a lot of things. It's important to keep busy, I always tell friends who are depressed to keep busy. It makes a big difference when you keep busy- it keeps your mind off your problems and it helps to make things better.
And I know I'm lucky: My first three connections are all dead- it's amazing to me, they were nice guys from good homes, in college. Like me, no one would even suspect that they even did dope. ( People are surprised when they find out I smoke cigarettes.)
TRANSMARINE: It's really not that bad, like the flu, kind of depressing too, but no big deal. As far as I know, dope doesn't cause impotence, and I've never had a problem with that and I'm always getting hard for no reason- what I notice after I've gone a couple days without it is girls are flirting with me, but I never notice that when I'm on it.
mosleyk, carl: Once my arms are healed I'm gonna see a doctor and see if I can get some percs, but I really won't need a doctor with this.
A couple years ago I went to a hospitol where they detox you on methadone for five or six days, and that was good, it was like a vacation- got to hang around in my pajamas and slippers, the food was good, caught up on some reading in bed. I started up again 8 days after I got out ( with a connection I made in detox ).
But anyway, I'm sure everything is gonna work out, and I'm still young and ( some people say ) handsome. Everything will be fine. I'm gonna go get a Rodeo burger and some fries.
Later
"Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you." JOHN 15:14 |
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