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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =

United Kingdom
17122 Posts

Posted - 07/15/2004 :  10:57:41  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
For any cricket fans out there, here is some classic sledging.


Rod Marsh & Ian Botham:
>1. When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the
>wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?"
>
>2. Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne:
>As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been
>waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you
>spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.
>
>3. Glenn McGrath & Eddo Brandes:
>After Brandes played & missed at a McGrath delivery, the Aussie bowler
>politely enquired: "Oi, Brandes, why are you so fat?" "Cos every time I
>f**k your wife she gives me a biscuit," Brandes replied.
>
>4. Robin Smith & Merv Hughes:
>During 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith after he played &
>missed: "You can't f**king bat".
>Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the boundary:
>"Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f**king bat & you can't f**king
>bowl."
>
>5. Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad:
>During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor. A
>few balls latter Merv dismissed Javed: "Tickets please", Merv called
>out as he ran past the departing batsman.
>
>6. Merv Hughes & Viv Richards:
>During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to
>Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my
>island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just
>bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to
>the
>batsman: "In my culture we just say f**k *ff."
>
>7. Ricky Ponting & Shaun Pollock:
>After going past the outside edge with a couple of deliveries, Pollock
>told Ponting: "It's red, round & weighs about 5 ounces." Unfortunately
>for Pollock, the next ball was hammered out of the ground..
>
>Ponting to Pollock: "you know what it looks like, now go find it."
>
>8. And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's legendary
>comment which was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna
>Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one
>dayer in Sydney... "You don't get a runner for being an overweight,
>unfit, fat c**t!!!"
>
>9. Can't remember the player or the exact details but went something
>like Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player to the crease
>playing & missing the first ball. Mark - "Ohh, I remember you from a
>couple years ago in Australia. You were sh*t then, you're f**king
>useless now". Kiwi - (Turning
>around)
>"Yeah, that's me & when I was there you
>were going out with that old, ugly sl*t & now I hear you've married
>her. You dumb c**t".


_________________________________________________________

Live every day as if it were your last. Eventually you'll be right

shineoftheever
> Teenager of the Year <

Canada
4307 Posts

Posted - 07/15/2004 :  11:03:45  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Homers_pet_monkey

...."So how's your wife & my kids?".....




"Wife's fine, the kid's retarded."


"These waters run deep, it's clear my little one/Blue velvet star sky not a sound
The light in your eyes, the smile on your ruby lips/Tells me my lost soul is found"
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =

United Kingdom
17122 Posts

Posted - 07/15/2004 :  13:30:59  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
If only you were a cricketer!

_________________________________________________________

Live every day as if it were your last. Eventually you'll be right

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SpudBoy
= Cult of Ray =

Equatorial Guinea
649 Posts

Posted - 07/15/2004 :  18:31:48  Show Profile  Visit SpudBoy's Homepage  Reply with Quote
I was really hoping this thread was about going after insects with a 5 pound hammer (that's 2.2727 kilos to you guys). Although, it has given me a few ideas, even if my froggies will go hungry tonight. I'll let you know how it goes.


*festoon*
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SpudBoy
= Cult of Ray =

Equatorial Guinea
649 Posts

Posted - 07/15/2004 :  18:58:01  Show Profile  Visit SpudBoy's Homepage  Reply with Quote
Ok - that was AWESOME. Do it at dusk so you don't know what's moving for the first couple seconds when you flip the rocks over!! Woo!! I found me a new hobby.


*festoon*
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Little Black Francis
> Teenager of the Year <

3648 Posts

Posted - 07/15/2004 :  21:22:47  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
I wasn't a cricket until now. I need to work on my sledgeing, that sheit is SO f@#king funny!

Thanks man! Now I want to go to a cricket "match?" "game?"

I want to watch some cricket, how about that!




Ik heb je oma geneukt met de voorbind dildo van Floops moederhehehahhahehehaha
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benji
> Teenager of the Year <

New Zealand
3334 Posts

Posted - 07/16/2004 :  01:22:03  Show Profile  Visit benji's Homepage  Reply with Quote
those are great mike - man i love cricket!


Join the Cult of Cartman! Respect my Authoritaah!!!
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =

United Kingdom
17122 Posts

Posted - 07/16/2004 :  11:31:20  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Thanks. I am glad I inspired someone to watch cricket.

If you are gonna watch some LBF, start off with a one day game between England and Australia.

_________________________________________________________

Live every day as if it were your last. Eventually you'll be right

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offerw
* Dog in the Sand *

South Africa
1264 Posts

Posted - 07/16/2004 :  11:38:43  Show Profile  Click to see offerw's MSN Messenger address  Reply with Quote
I enjoyed the thread Homer. I love watching cricket myself. I'm surprised Cullinan had something to say though, he was forever hopeless against Warne.

wilhelm
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =

United Kingdom
17122 Posts

Posted - 07/16/2004 :  11:51:06  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Yeah but a good retort none the less.

_________________________________________________________

Live every day as if it were your last. Eventually you'll be right

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n/a
deleted

4894 Posts

Posted - 07/16/2004 :  11:59:16  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
This new super cricket is shit. cricketwhateveritscalled with generic pop bands playing when the cricketers aren't woooo great.

Frank Black ate my Hamster


Edited by - n/a on 07/17/2004 16:25:42
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Cheeseman1000
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<

Iceland
8201 Posts

Posted - 07/16/2004 :  16:31:10  Show Profile  Visit Cheeseman1000's Homepage  Reply with Quote
Ag man, they have Twenty20 playing up the road from me now - I keep meaning to go and watch, that'd be a riot.


Kind regards,
Dr. Simon
Specialist In Broken Hearts
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dicky
- FB Fan -

United Kingdom
1 Posts

Posted - 12/12/2005 :  17:45:57  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
more sledging...

1.Around the wicket, umpire, and call an ambulance.
Yorkshire fast bowler Steve Kirby, as Lancashire batsman Chris Schofield arrived at the wicket

2.Back to the net, d*&khead
From any Australian wicketkeeper

3.Better ease off a bit, this one's still on the tit.
Captain to fast bowler on entry of young(ish) batsman

4.There's 2 pieces of s*&t together
On a mid-wicket batsman's conference

5.You've got to bat on this in a minute, Tufnell. Hospital food suit you?
Australian fast bowler Craig McDermott, parting words after being dismissed by Phil Tufnell, 1991.

6.Bad luck, sir - you were just getting settled in.
Yorkshire's Fred Truman to a Varsity batsman, bowled first ball after much protracted wicket-prodding

7.Don't bother shutting it, son, you won't be there long enough.
England bowler Fred Truman as a new Australian batsman closed the gate on his way out of the pavillion at Lord's

8.Hey Garth, look at this four-eyed f*&ker. he can't f*&king bat, knock those f*&king glasses off him straight away.
Australia captain Bobby Simpson to bowler Garth MacKenzie, Trent Bridge, 1964, on the entry of a bespectacled Geoffrey Boycott.

9. Allan Donald, bowling short to Allan Lamb:
Lambie, if you want to drive, go hire a car.
Allan Lamb, having cover-driven the next ball for 4.
Go park that f*&ker.
Exchange between Warwickshire's Allan Donald and Northamptonshire's Allan Lamb

10.McGrath: What's Lara like in bed, mate?

Sarwan: Why don't you ask your wife?

Glean McGrath walks into another ambush, this time by West Indies vice-captain Ramnaresh Sarwan.

11. Arjuna, he's probably slotting himself around at 150 kilos at the moment, is he? Swallowed a sheep or something like that.
Shane Warne on the large Sri Lankan Arjuna Ranatunga.
It is better to swallow a sheep or a goat than swallow what he's been swallowing.
Ranatunga's response as Warn had been banned from the game for 2 years for testing +ve for a banned substance.

quotes from The Big Book of Sports Insults
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chineselover
= Cult of Ray =

Ireland
348 Posts

Posted - 12/13/2005 :  03:53:55  Show Profile  Visit chineselover's Homepage  Reply with Quote
I used to work in a large sports equipment show, one time this English lady came in and ask for cricket stuff... I found out that the two things that might cause offence are... 'We don't do them, Iím not sure where you'd find such equipment' and 'you might try Store X, I believe they do minor sports'.... The indignity of it all!

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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =

United Kingdom
17122 Posts

Posted - 12/13/2005 :  06:42:53  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by dicky



9. Allan Donald, bowling short to Allan Lamb:
Lambie, if you want to drive, go hire a car.
Allan Lamb, having cover-driven the next ball for 4.
Go park that f*&ker.
Exchange between Warwickshire's Allan Donald and Northamptonshire's Allan Lamb




Quality!


I'd walk her everyday, into a shady place
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