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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
 Posted - 07/15/2004 : 10:57:41
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For any cricket fans out there, here is some classic sledging.
Rod Marsh & Ian Botham:
>1. When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the
>wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?"
>
>2. Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne:
>As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been
>waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you
>spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.
>
>3. Glenn McGrath & Eddo Brandes:
>After Brandes played & missed at a McGrath delivery, the Aussie bowler
>politely enquired: "Oi, Brandes, why are you so fat?" "Cos every time I
>f**k your wife she gives me a biscuit," Brandes replied.
>
>4. Robin Smith & Merv Hughes:
>During 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith after he played &
>missed: "You can't f**king bat".
>Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the boundary:
>"Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f**king bat & you can't f**king
>bowl."
>
>5. Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad:
>During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor. A
>few balls latter Merv dismissed Javed: "Tickets please", Merv called
>out as he ran past the departing batsman.
>
>6. Merv Hughes & Viv Richards:
>During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to
>Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my
>island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just
>bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to
>the
>batsman: "In my culture we just say f**k *ff."
>
>7. Ricky Ponting & Shaun Pollock:
>After going past the outside edge with a couple of deliveries, Pollock
>told Ponting: "It's red, round & weighs about 5 ounces." Unfortunately
>for Pollock, the next ball was hammered out of the ground..
>
>Ponting to Pollock: "you know what it looks like, now go find it."
>
>8. And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's legendary
>comment which was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna
>Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one
>dayer in Sydney... "You don't get a runner for being an overweight,
>unfit, fat c**t!!!"
>
>9. Can't remember the player or the exact details but went something
>like Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player to the crease
>playing & missing the first ball. Mark - "Ohh, I remember you from a
>couple years ago in Australia. You were sh*t then, you're f**king
>useless now". Kiwi - (Turning
>around)
>"Yeah, that's me & when I was there you
>were going out with that old, ugly sl*t & now I hear you've married
>her. You dumb c**t".
_________________________________________________________
Live every day as if it were your last. Eventually you'll be right
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shineoftheever
> Teenager of the Year <
Canada
4307 Posts |
Posted - 07/15/2004 : 11:03:45
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quote:
Originally posted by Homers_pet_monkey
...."So how's your wife & my kids?".....
"Wife's fine, the kid's retarded." 
"These waters run deep, it's clear my little one/Blue velvet star sky not a sound
The light in your eyes, the smile on your ruby lips/Tells me my lost soul is found" |
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 07/15/2004 : 13:30:59
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If only you were a cricketer!
_________________________________________________________
Live every day as if it were your last. Eventually you'll be right
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SpudBoy
= Cult of Ray =
Equatorial Guinea
649 Posts |
Posted - 07/15/2004 : 18:31:48
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I was really hoping this thread was about going after insects with a 5 pound hammer (that's 2.2727 kilos to you guys). Although, it has given me a few ideas, even if my froggies will go hungry tonight. I'll let you know how it goes.
*festoon* |
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SpudBoy
= Cult of Ray =
Equatorial Guinea
649 Posts |
Posted - 07/15/2004 : 18:58:01
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Ok - that was AWESOME. Do it at dusk so you don't know what's moving for the first couple seconds when you flip the rocks over!! Woo!! I found me a new hobby.
*festoon* |
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Little Black Francis
> Teenager of the Year <
3648 Posts |
Posted - 07/15/2004 : 21:22:47
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I wasn't a cricket until now. I need to work on my sledgeing, that sheit is SO f@#king funny!
Thanks man! Now I want to go to a cricket "match?" "game?"
I want to watch some cricket, how about that!
Ik heb je oma geneukt met de voorbind dildo van Floops moederhehehahhahehehaha |
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benji
> Teenager of the Year <
New Zealand
3426 Posts |
Posted - 07/16/2004 : 01:22:03
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those are great mike - man i love cricket!
 Join the Cult of Cartman! Respect my Authoritaah!!! |
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 07/16/2004 : 11:31:20
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Thanks. I am glad I inspired someone to watch cricket.
If you are gonna watch some LBF, start off with a one day game between England and Australia.
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Live every day as if it were your last. Eventually you'll be right
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offerw
* Dog in the Sand *
South Africa
1264 Posts |
Posted - 07/16/2004 : 11:38:43
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I enjoyed the thread Homer. I love watching cricket myself. I'm surprised Cullinan had something to say though, he was forever hopeless against Warne.
wilhelm |
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 07/16/2004 : 11:51:06
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Yeah but a good retort none the less.
_________________________________________________________
Live every day as if it were your last. Eventually you'll be right
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n/a
deleted
4894 Posts |
Posted - 07/16/2004 : 11:59:16
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This new super cricket is shit. cricketwhateveritscalled with generic pop bands playing when the cricketers aren't woooo great.
Frank Black ate my Hamster
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Edited by - n/a on 07/17/2004 16:25:42 |
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Cheeseman1000
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Iceland
8201 Posts |
Posted - 07/16/2004 : 16:31:10
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Ag man, they have Twenty20 playing up the road from me now - I keep meaning to go and watch, that'd be a riot.
Kind regards,
Dr. Simon
Specialist In Broken Hearts |
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dicky
- FB Fan -
United Kingdom
1 Posts |
Posted - 12/12/2005 : 17:45:57
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more sledging...
1.Around the wicket, umpire, and call an ambulance.
Yorkshire fast bowler Steve Kirby, as Lancashire batsman Chris Schofield arrived at the wicket
2.Back to the net, d*&khead
From any Australian wicketkeeper
3.Better ease off a bit, this one's still on the tit.
Captain to fast bowler on entry of young(ish) batsman
4.There's 2 pieces of s*&t together
On a mid-wicket batsman's conference
5.You've got to bat on this in a minute, Tufnell. Hospital food suit you?
Australian fast bowler Craig McDermott, parting words after being dismissed by Phil Tufnell, 1991.
6.Bad luck, sir - you were just getting settled in.
Yorkshire's Fred Truman to a Varsity batsman, bowled first ball after much protracted wicket-prodding
7.Don't bother shutting it, son, you won't be there long enough.
England bowler Fred Truman as a new Australian batsman closed the gate on his way out of the pavillion at Lord's
8.Hey Garth, look at this four-eyed f*&ker. he can't f*&king bat, knock those f*&king glasses off him straight away.
Australia captain Bobby Simpson to bowler Garth MacKenzie, Trent Bridge, 1964, on the entry of a bespectacled Geoffrey Boycott.
9. Allan Donald, bowling short to Allan Lamb:
Lambie, if you want to drive, go hire a car.
Allan Lamb, having cover-driven the next ball for 4.
Go park that f*&ker.
Exchange between Warwickshire's Allan Donald and Northamptonshire's Allan Lamb
10.McGrath: What's Lara like in bed, mate?
Sarwan: Why don't you ask your wife?
Glean McGrath walks into another ambush, this time by West Indies vice-captain Ramnaresh Sarwan.
11. Arjuna, he's probably slotting himself around at 150 kilos at the moment, is he? Swallowed a sheep or something like that.
Shane Warne on the large Sri Lankan Arjuna Ranatunga.
It is better to swallow a sheep or a goat than swallow what he's been swallowing.
Ranatunga's response as Warn had been banned from the game for 2 years for testing +ve for a banned substance.
quotes from The Big Book of Sports Insults |
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chineselover
= Cult of Ray =
Ireland
348 Posts |
Posted - 12/13/2005 : 03:53:55
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I used to work in a large sports equipment show, one time this English lady came in and ask for cricket stuff... I found out that the two things that might cause offence are... 'We don't do them, I’m not sure where you'd find such equipment' and 'you might try Store X, I believe they do minor sports'.... The indignity of it all!
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 12/13/2005 : 06:42:53
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quote:
Originally posted by dicky
9. Allan Donald, bowling short to Allan Lamb:
Lambie, if you want to drive, go hire a car.
Allan Lamb, having cover-driven the next ball for 4.
Go park that f*&ker.
Exchange between Warwickshire's Allan Donald and Northamptonshire's Allan Lamb
Quality!
 I'd walk her everyday, into a shady place
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Topic |
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Cricket Sledging
