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TheCroutonFuton
- Mr. Setlists -
USA
1728 Posts |
 Posted - 06/21/2004 : 16:23:52
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Floop mentioned one in the cereal thread so I decided to make an entirely new thread about it before we took over the other one! Here's my favorite:
Salesman: [ seated at lunch counter ] As a salesman, I do a lot of traveling. And when it comes to lunch, I grab what I can, usually on the run. And when I want mineral water, I keep it simple, and I keep it domestic. [ places bottle on counter ] I drink Swill. The water that's dredged from Lake Erie.
[ voice over video of Swill being dredged from Lake Erie ]
Nothing's added to Swill. It comes straight from the Lake to you. Maybe you thought only European countries had mineral water, but let me tell you: we bottle some pretty special water right here in America.
[ cut back to Salesman at lunch counter ]
Yeah. America. Water with a character all its own. Swill's refreshing; it's low in calories; and Swill helps wash down a hearty meal like this that tends to just lay in your stomach. [ pours runny ketchup on his hamburger ]
[ Music Over: "Anticipation" by Carly Simon ]
[ Plays as Swill slowly pours into Salesman's glass, complete with sludge, dirt and a flip-top from a soda can ]
Salesman: I like mine with a twist. [ squeezes a lime wedge into his glass of Swill ]
Announcer: Swill. Everything you've always wanted in a mineral water. And more.
What is your favorite one?
"Freedom is a state of mind and the condition and position of your ass. Free your mind and your ass will follow." - Funkadelic |
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shineoftheever
> Teenager of the Year <
Canada
4307 Posts |
Posted - 06/21/2004 : 16:25:49
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GAYSTROGEN!
"Here today, Guano tomorrow" |
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shineoftheever
> Teenager of the Year <
Canada
4307 Posts |
Posted - 06/21/2004 : 16:26:37
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Oh, galactic prophylactic and dura-firm diaphragm is funny too!
"Here today, Guano tomorrow" |
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floop
= Wannabe Volunteer =
Mexico
15297 Posts |
Posted - 06/21/2004 : 16:31:04
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good idea crouton. i was actually considering starting this too. ..
i have MANY.
i think one of my all time favorites is "LONG WHITE BEARD". does anyone remember that? the product is basically a strap-on long white beard, for those occasions when you've been made to wait an excessive amount of time.
like, "hey, it took you long enough!!" and you're wearing the beard - implying that you've been waiting so long that you grew a long beard (that even went grey).
there's one bit with Kevin Neelan where he's been in a horrible motorcycle accident and when the paramedics get there he's got the beard on and he says "it took you long enough!" |
Edited by - floop on 06/21/2004 16:33:31 |
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TheCroutonFuton
- Mr. Setlists -
USA
1728 Posts |
Posted - 06/21/2004 : 16:33:36
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Hahaha, I don't think I've seen that but it sounds hilarious!
"Freedom is a state of mind and the condition and position of your ass. Free your mind and your ass will follow." - Funkadelic |
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darwin
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
USA
5454 Posts |
Posted - 06/21/2004 : 16:33:57
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| I like "Doogie Downers" for your hyperactive dog and "Puppy Uppers" for your depressed/down dog. |
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Erebus
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1834 Posts |
Posted - 06/21/2004 : 16:43:09
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| Bass-O-Matic |
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floop
= Wannabe Volunteer =
Mexico
15297 Posts |
Posted - 06/21/2004 : 16:53:55
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if you're looking for your favorite one, here's a list (i wish the pictures were bigger)
http://infomedia.jt.org/comm/
it's too hard to pick a favorite. |
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shineoftheever
> Teenager of the Year <
Canada
4307 Posts |
Posted - 06/21/2004 : 16:55:51
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First citiwide change bank! That was fucking funny!
"Here today, Guano tomorrow" |
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rockmusic84
= Cult of Ray =
USA
256 Posts |
Posted - 06/21/2004 : 18:13:11
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It was one from '82-'83 (?) season. It was an ad for a camera being pitched by Stevie Wonder (played brilliantly by Eddie Murphy). He's playing tennis with another guy, and he's not hitting any of the balls (he's blind-hah!), and they they show Stevie taking horrible, out-of-focus pictures (again, he's blind-hah!). At the end of the commercial, Stevie says "It's so easy,even I can use it!!!", while he takes the lens cover off of the other guy's camera, who doesn't notice it's on.
I also love the one for "OOPS I crapped my pants" Adult undergarments. The one for "Gaystrogen was funny as hell, too. There was also a drug for parents dealing with kids who were gay. Forget what it was called, but the slogan was "Take (name of drug), because it's not their problem, it's yours". Funny stuff.
Join The Cult of U-MASS - IT'S EDUCATIONAL!!! |
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switchy
- Gigographer -
USA
324 Posts |
Posted - 06/21/2004 : 18:37:25
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| I like Quarry 'cause it's crunchy. |
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cvanepps
= Cult of Ray =
USA
442 Posts |
Posted - 06/21/2004 : 19:49:53
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OK, I got a few...
The Robot Attack Life Insurance, narrated by Sam Waterston.
The Red Vikking toy that spouts red ink all over the living room
Happy Fun Ball
Ooops, I Crapped My Pants
Shimmer Floor Wax/Dessert Topping
-= It's not easy to kidnap a fat man =-
http://www.cvanepps.com |
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BLT
> Teenager of the Year <
South Sandwich Islands
4204 Posts |
Posted - 06/21/2004 : 20:23:08
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| "I'll be right in, Honey, I've got to brush... LUNGBRUSH, that is!" |
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BLT
> Teenager of the Year <
South Sandwich Islands
4204 Posts |
Posted - 06/21/2004 : 20:37:57
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Spud, the beer made from potatoes...
(as I remember it)
You've just had another session of electro-shock therapy. All those painful memories washed away, along with most of your personality...
When you say Spud
You put your mind on hold
You do what you're told
And grab a cold
Re-fresh-ing Spud
Ohhhhhh, Spud! |
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floop
= Wannabe Volunteer =
Mexico
15297 Posts |
Posted - 06/21/2004 : 21:32:54
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i'm also a fan of:
The Disposable Toilet (which is "easily" dismantled and another one is re-installed in a matter of 2 to 3 hours)
Bad Idea Jeans which was kind of a take off on these Dockers commercials at the time, which had guys hanging out and playing sports and stuff. in Bad Idea Jeans, there a voice over of a guy saying "I was in Haiti .. had a few too many to drink .. was approached by a prostitute, i figured 'what the heck' .. but i forgot to use a condom. [dramatic pause].. i figured i should tell my wife about it"
and then this tough-guy voice says "BAD IDEA JEANS!"
the other scenario is these white guys playing basketball, totally amateurishly.. they notice a group of African-American guys on the other side of the court (all skilled, stereotypically excellent players) and approach them. "Do you guys want to play? how about we play for money? $100??"
"BAD IDEA JEANS!"
i guess you have to see it to understand
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TarTar
* Dog in the Sand *
1965 Posts |
Posted - 06/22/2004 : 13:57:17
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Schmitt's Gay
Oops! I Crapped My Pants
Robots Attacking Old People
The Roach trap which tortures the roach but doesn't actually kill you. "But it will give him a lot to think about."
"You gotta watch the mota, Thurston. Yr fuckin memory just goes out the window." |
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The Calistanian
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1342 Posts |
Posted - 06/22/2004 : 14:08:28
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How about the one where they have an attorney I believe doing a commercial for prosecuting dogs when they crap on your lawn. They start showing footage of a human doing all the same things a dog does, like humping legs, crapping on lawns, etc. They say: "You wouldn't let a human do these things, would you? Don't let dogs do it to you either."
Or something like that...
1. I am a fsh with no i's.
2. You must be wearing Zubaz, 'cause you're daring to be different.
3. I am a man with 3 fingers...but that doesn't count my index finger nor my thumb. |
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n/a
deleted
4894 Posts |
Posted - 06/22/2004 : 14:34:17
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is this an american thing? i'm pulling a very confused face right now
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KingOfSiam
- FB LinkMaster -
USA
460 Posts |
Posted - 06/23/2004 : 08:07:33
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I think the best ones are Schmitt's Gay, The Change Bank and don't forget THE HAPPY FUN BALL!!
It's Happy...It's Fun...It's the Happy Fun Ball! |
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WolfManMikeLonely
= Cult of Ray =
USA
936 Posts |
Posted - 06/23/2004 : 08:09:11
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Mustardayonnaise. Wait, wrong show, sorry.
"Hey fuck you if you don't like it."
-Johnny Thunders
www.transposed.net |
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big_galoof
= Cult of Ray =
USA
310 Posts |
Posted - 06/23/2004 : 08:50:04
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my vote is for "colon blow" cereal.
TBG |
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SNL Fake Commercials
