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the thing
= Cult of Ray =
United Kingdom
313 Posts |
 Posted - 06/08/2004 : 02:05:37
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It so easy - even you can do it today, just follow these simple steps:
1. Obligatory 80's nostalgia check, regardless of whether you were ever into them then/were even old enough to wear long trousers
2. Mention how fat everyone got, either wittily or just meanly (don't mention how everyone is still alive and hasn't destroyed their lives through drug abuse)
3. Name check the two songs you actually recognised on the set list, with "I was their the first time" nonchalance
4. Mention that they were quite good (dont get bogged down in the music anymore than that though)
5. Insert Kurt Cobain - teen spirit quote (get bits of it wrong)
6. Mention the split, and the fact that the band "went down hill" after Doolittle (you don't know, you never heard the albums)
8. Comment that they are only playing the hits (don't mention that they can effortlessly glean a 28 song hits setlist from 4.5 albums)
9. Make some reference to "failed", "failing" or "weak" solo careers
10.Moan about bands selling out
11.Moan that the band hardly spoke to the audience
12.Moan that half the people here are to young to remember the band first time round, as if it were a war crime
11.Summarise by saying that the band were amazing anyway, the set was near perfect and you love everyminute, completely negating the rest of your review
Following these simple steps and you should find no problem getting your review in anyone of the major broadsheet newspapers. Submissions to the NME should be no less than 1000 words of sycophantic twaddle.
 How does lemur fur, reflect the sea? Someone should do tests |
Edited by - the thing on 06/08/2004 02:07:37 |
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Huey
- FB Fan -
28 Posts |
Posted - 06/08/2004 : 02:44:42
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hehe. come on, you know it's at least good entertainment!
btw, i'm listening to "ways of mutilation" right now :D |
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This_Guy
- FB Fan -
Canada
146 Posts |
Posted - 06/08/2004 : 04:31:20
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someone doesn't appreciate the opinion of others.
especially while theyre critiquing something so fanatically revered apparently. |
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the thing
= Cult of Ray =
United Kingdom
313 Posts |
Posted - 06/08/2004 : 04:35:35
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I can appreciate a good bad review as much as the next man - just getting kinda tired of reading the "same" review from every quarter was my point.... 
How does lemur fur, reflect the sea? Someone should do tests |
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mattb
= Cult of Ray =
Canada
474 Posts |
Posted - 06/08/2004 : 06:54:48
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quote:
Originally posted by the thing
It so easy - even you can do it today, just follow these simple steps:
1. Obligatory 80's nostalgia check, regardless of whether you were ever into them then/were even old enough to wear long trousers
2. Mention how fat everyone got, either wittily or just meanly (don't mention how everyone is still alive and hasn't destroyed their lives through drug abuse)
3. Name check the two songs you actually recognised on the set list, with "I was their the first time" nonchalance
4. Mention that they were quite good (dont get bogged down in the music anymore than that though)
5. Insert Kurt Cobain - teen spirit quote (get bits of it wrong)
6. Mention the split, and the fact that the band "went down hill" after Doolittle (you don't know, you never heard the albums)
8. Comment that they are only playing the hits (don't mention that they can effortlessly glean a 28 song hits setlist from 4.5 albums)
9. Make some reference to "failed", "failing" or "weak" solo careers
10.Moan about bands selling out
11.Moan that the band hardly spoke to the audience
12.Moan that half the people here are to young to remember the band first time round, as if it were a war crime
11.Summarise by saying that the band were amazing anyway, the set was near perfect and you love everyminute, completely negating the rest of your review
Following these simple steps and you should find no problem getting your review in anyone of the major broadsheet newspapers. Submissions to the NME should be no less than 1000 words of sycophantic twaddle.
How does lemur fur, reflect the sea? Someone should do tests
I couldn't have said it better myself but you forgot one point:
14. Mention that the band invented the loud/soft dyanamic implying that it was the only reason that the band were ever good in the first place. Do not under any circumstances make any other refernce to how the band's music sounded like.
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http://www.broszkowski.com |
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The New Bolero
= Cult of Ray =
394 Posts |
Posted - 06/08/2004 : 07:08:28
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quote:
Originally posted by the thing
It so easy - even you can do it today, just follow these simple steps:
1. Obligatory 80's nostalgia check, regardless of whether you were ever into them then/were even old enough to wear long trousers
2. Mention how fat everyone got, either wittily or just meanly (don't mention how everyone is still alive and hasn't destroyed their lives through drug abuse)
3. Name check the two songs you actually recognised on the set list, with "I was their the first time" nonchalance
4. Mention that they were quite good (dont get bogged down in the music anymore than that though)
5. Insert Kurt Cobain - teen spirit quote (get bits of it wrong)
6. Mention the split, and the fact that the band "went down hill" after Doolittle (you don't know, you never heard the albums)
8. Comment that they are only playing the hits (don't mention that they can effortlessly glean a 28 song hits setlist from 4.5 albums)
9. Make some reference to "failed", "failing" or "weak" solo careers
10.Moan about bands selling out
11.Moan that the band hardly spoke to the audience
12.Moan that half the people here are to young to remember the band first time round, as if it were a war crime
11.Summarise by saying that the band were amazing anyway, the set was near perfect and you love everyminute, completely negating the rest of your review
Following these simple steps and you should find no problem getting your review in anyone of the major broadsheet newspapers. Submissions to the NME should be no less than 1000 words of sycophantic twaddle.
How does lemur fur, reflect the sea? Someone should do tests
Great job deconstructing the formula. I love it, especially number 11. |
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the thing
= Cult of Ray =
United Kingdom
313 Posts |
Posted - 06/08/2004 : 07:09:59
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Which number 11 (oops....)
How does lemur fur, reflect the sea? Someone should do tests |
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The New Bolero
= Cult of Ray =
394 Posts |
Posted - 06/08/2004 : 07:27:47
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I didn't notice that and wasn't pointing out the error. I love the line "Summarise by saying that the band were amazing anyway, the set was near perfect and you love everyminute, completely negating the rest of your review" because it's precisely what most of these reviewers do. A brilliant post, thing. Thanks again.
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the thing
= Cult of Ray =
United Kingdom
313 Posts |
Posted - 06/08/2004 : 09:07:10
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Aw Shucks 
How does lemur fur, reflect the sea? Someone should do tests |
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How to write a Pixies reunion review
