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jimmy
= Cult of Ray =
USA
876 Posts |
 Posted - 04/08/2004 : 21:44:41
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At the middle school where my mom works, they have a book swap every April, she got a bunch of books, including "Left Behind" (she grabbed it not knowing what it was). I had heard people talking about it years ago and I know there's a movie or mini-series starring Kirk Cameron.
It's not all the Jesus shit that bothers me. It's so badly written. I want to quote all of the lame dialogue and narration but I'm not going to. It's co-authored by pastor if that's any indication. The other author's "work has appeared in Reader's Digest" and other periodicals". The creepy looking pastor isa "family life speaker and a life-long student of profecy". Between the two of them they can't write for shit.
It's not even funny bad, it's just bad. 325 pages to go.
I said, "You have no hard-on till that aching fills your chest"/ Good-bye Lorraine |
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jimmy
= Cult of Ray =
USA
876 Posts |
Posted - 04/08/2004 : 22:03:26
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Anyway, it's about "the Rapture"- Jesus calls all his people to heaven all at once, all the good people and children under 12 disappear and leave their clothes and jewelry and contact lenses. Everyone else is...Left Behind.
Speaking of badly written..liner notes should only written by the artists. I'm thinking of really stupid liner notes like on "Prince-The Hits/The B-Sides", "Essential Divinyls", and (I think) "Death to the Pixies"- I saw some essay on one of the 4AD sites that I think is on DttP. It's so much better when Elvis or Frank does it and I really want to get "the Best of Belly" to see what Tanya writes about the songs.
I said, "You have no hard-on till that aching fills your chest"/ Good-bye Lorraine |
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NimrodsSon
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1938 Posts |
Posted - 04/09/2004 : 05:46:56
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I have to admit that I read quite a few of the Left Behind books (I don't anymore) and I know what you mean -- horribly written! It's like the authors completely brutalized the English language, or really, didn't even use it at all. I don't understand what the big deal is; I mean, it's a bunch of badly written novels with a stupid storyline, from an extremist, conservative Christian perspective, basically telling everyone that's not "saved" that they're going to be tortured beyond their wildest dreams for 7 years (although the authors' use of language isn't vivid enough to depict that great a turture, but that is the message they are trying to convey) and then go to hell.
And so many authors today write in this manner, like they are trying to simplify it to the point that a three-year old can read it -- that's not literature, it's comic books!!
ˇViva los Católicos! |
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jimmy
= Cult of Ray =
USA
876 Posts |
Posted - 04/09/2004 : 09:20:38
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Exactly. I mean I can listen to some religious talk when it's using good or beautiful language ( the Bible has some beautiful passages), but in this book they are completely talking down to people- like it's written for "the common man" ,or, I hate to even use the phrase, but "Joe Six-Pack". I can't believe I just said that.
I said, "You have no hard-on till that aching fills your chest"/ Good-bye Lorraine |
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ShakeyShake
* Dog in the Sand *
United Kingdom
1058 Posts |
Posted - 04/09/2004 : 09:26:12
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That can't be the worst book ever written,i wrote a book called Dave the Dog when I was about 8.It was about dave searching for his lost bone.He found it in the end(Page 7)
He buried it!Silly dave
"I joined the Cult of this guy / 'cause they took my other picture away |
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realmeanmotorscutor
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1764 Posts |
Posted - 04/09/2004 : 09:31:03
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haha, I saw this thread yesterday but didn't click on it til now. I hate this book so much! For some unChristly reason I finished that book and it was after that that I vowed never to finish a horrible book just so as not to be a quitter. I used to go on hour long bloddy rants tearing that book apart. I HATE THOSE AUTHORS. IDIOTS! I beg you to save yourself and put it down. DO NOT finish it. But do the rest of us a favor, transcribe the very last paragraph; it's hilarious.
 "I joined the Cult of Popeye / The CoF required my good eye" |
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El Barto
= Song DB Master =
USA
4020 Posts |
Posted - 04/09/2004 : 13:55:15
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Man, that's like a wet dream...having all the UberChristians taken off of the planet so we can finally live in fucking peace.
 "Join the Cult of Brit / And let your oral hygiene go out the window." |
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Cheeseman1000
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Iceland
8201 Posts |
Posted - 04/09/2004 : 14:46:12
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I have to agree, that is one of the worst-written books I've read since the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film tie-ins. You'd think they'd realise it would all be so much more effective if it was better written.
 "Join The Cult Of Wormy Cheese Man/In Ten Words Or Less" |
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SpudBoy
= Cult of Ray =
Equatorial Guinea
649 Posts |
Posted - 04/09/2004 : 18:41:21
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So I was at the pharmacy the other day, just - you know - looking around...what did I stumble upon? Hellboy: The Novel. With a credit for "novelization by". Not written by, etc...A (probably horrible)novel based on a script for a (crappy)movie based on a (good)comic book...The TMNT thing must have kicked the industry into hypercrap mode.
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jimmy
= Cult of Ray =
USA
876 Posts |
Posted - 04/09/2004 : 19:44:18
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I'm going to finish it- I can't explain why. I've put down better books for different reasons and never touched them again. I think it might be instructive- once I've absorbed a sense of the authors' personalities, I'll know easier when to avoid certain people I meet.
I said, "You have no hard-on till that aching fills your chest"/ Good-bye Lorraine |
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jimmy
= Cult of Ray =
USA
876 Posts |
Posted - 04/09/2004 : 20:02:48
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I'm sorry, realmeanmotorscutor, but I can't give the ending from a book no matter how bad it is. But I can give an example of how the authors are talking down to the readers.
This is a line of dialogue from someone the book presents as an intelligent airline pilot. He's talking about the boxer Larry Holmes, and is asked if Holmes is the one who beat Mohammud Ali:
"One and the same. If he was still around, whoever was takin' people might've gotten a knock on the noggin from ol' Larry. You can bet on that."
I said, "You have no hard-on till that aching fills your chest"/ Good-bye Lorraine |
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realmeanmotorscutor
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1764 Posts |
Posted - 04/10/2004 : 05:38:18
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Suit yourself. There are so many good books out there that you'll never get to read and even less if you waste your time on trash like Left Behind ( A big mistake I made). If you won't give the ending I'll just have to track mine down (I can't believe I haven't burned it yet). I'll give a spoiler warning before I do but it's just so last-panel-of-a-comic-book-ish that I have to. Oddly enough, I was in a comic book store a few years ago and they had all of the Left Behind comic books except the last one that would have had that panel. Damnit!
"I joined the Cult of Popeye / The CoF required my good eye" |
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Adnan_le_Terrible
* Dog in the Sand *
France
1973 Posts |
Posted - 04/10/2004 : 06:13:52
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quote:
Originally posted by Cheeseman1000
I have to agree, that is one of the worst-written books I've read since the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film tie-ins. You'd think they'd realise it would all be so much more effective if it was better written.
"Join The Cult Of Wormy Cheese Man/In Ten Words Or Less"
Hey, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is one of my top ten films...were they not called Teenage HERO Ninja Turtles in the UK?
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Adnan_le_Terrible
* Dog in the Sand *
France
1973 Posts |
Posted - 04/10/2004 : 06:15:21
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I even wrote a short story inspired by the Ninja Turtles (and especially Splinter), two years ago.
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realmeanmotorscutor
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1764 Posts |
Posted - 04/10/2004 : 11:46:55
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Why were they called HERO turtles?
I still have a notebook that my friends and I drew TMNT characters in. I think we had wanted to make a book of some sort but never really followed through. Has anyone the new TMNT on Fox?
"I joined the Cult of Popeye / The CoF required my good eye" |
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Jason
* Dog in the Sand *
1446 Posts |
Posted - 04/10/2004 : 16:23:14
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| When I read this thread title I thought it meant that you were mentioned on page 126 of worst book ever written. |
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NimrodsSon
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1938 Posts |
Posted - 04/11/2004 : 14:15:27
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The last paragraph: (hilarious!!!)
"The task of the tribulation force was clear and their goal nothing less than to stand and fight the enemies of God during the 7 most chaotic years the planet would ever see."
ˇViva los Católicos! |
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realmeanmotorscutor
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1764 Posts |
Posted - 04/11/2004 : 14:25:45
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yeah but you left out the part about them walking into the sunset, four abreast, knowing their mission - to maintain truth justic blah blah blah and some such shit.
"I joined the Cult of Popeye / The CoF required my good eye" |
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IceCream
= Quote Accumulator =
USA
1850 Posts |
Posted - 04/11/2004 : 14:32:16
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quote:
Originally posted by Jason
When I read this thread title I thought it meant that you were mentioned on page 126 of worst book ever written.
Yeah, the thread title is somewhat unclear. I thought Jimmy meant that he was writing the worst book ever written, and he's written 126 pages so far.
 Join the Cult of Pi - It's just 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510582097.... |
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IceCream
= Quote Accumulator =
USA
1850 Posts |
Posted - 04/11/2004 : 14:32:50
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By the way, what page are you on now, Jimmy?
Join the Cult of Pi - It's just 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510582097.... |
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realmeanmotorscutor
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1764 Posts |
Posted - 04/11/2004 : 18:48:36
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I thought the title was self explanatory or at least clear/common enough that everyone would assume it meant he was reading it, though I see how it could be taken otherwise.
"I joined the Cult of Popeye / The CoF required my good eye" |
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Bryan Shepherd
- FB Fan -
USA
126 Posts |
Posted - 04/12/2004 : 04:13:16
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There are certainly comic books with better writing than Left Behind...but that should be a different topic. Hmmm...
 I'm the guy from wonderland...& you will never understand... |
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realmeanmotorscutor
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1764 Posts |
Posted - 04/12/2004 : 07:59:23
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Oh, absolutely! I didn't mean to imply that comics were poorly written, just that the last paragraph is cliche comic book ending.
I just read Batman:HUSH and the first two story arcs of POWERS. Both good stories.
"I joined the Cult of Popeye / The CoF required my good eye" |
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Cheeseman1000
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Iceland
8201 Posts |
Posted - 04/13/2004 : 15:00:53
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quote:
Originally posted by Adnan_le_Terrible
quote:
Originally posted by Cheeseman1000
I have to agree, that is one of the worst-written books I've read since the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film tie-ins. You'd think they'd realise it would all be so much more effective if it was better written.
"Join The Cult Of Wormy Cheese Man/In Ten Words Or Less"
Hey, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is one of my top ten films...were they not called Teenage HERO Ninja Turtles in the UK?
Hey, woah, I'm definitely not slating the Turtles, just the books.
They were called Hero Turtles in the cartoons (not the films) to protect our young brains. Clearly the children today have been desensitized by the sex and violence on Eastenders, and the new version is Ninja Turtles.
However, I would have to contest general opinion: Shredder was the best character, not Splinter.
"Join The Cult Of Wormy Cheese Man/In Ten Words Or Less" |
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I'm on page 126 of the worst book ever written
