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Stuart
- The Clopser -
China
2291 Posts |
 Posted - 03/04/2004 : 07:01:18
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A few funny things have happened in the last week involving the toilet.
I started my new job (as in work) last week, and one afternoon after lunch I felt the need for a sit down in the toilet. So I walked to the lavatories, and was sat in one of the cubicles in a semi relaxed state when suddenly I heard a frantic pair of feet rush into the bathroom. The cubicle door next to me slammed shut, and all of a sudden there was this nasty explosive noise of someone who was obviously having sitdown troubles. I obviously laughed my tits off as the explosion must have lasted a good ten seconds, but at the same time I felt sympathy.
I finished my business, went to the basin to wash my hands, and then it struck me as a trifle strange that there were no urinals to be seen. A feeling of horror struck me as I saw the unmistakeable sign of the ladies toilet on the bathroom door.
The next day, I was conscious of the previous days blunder, and managed to get the correct bathroom. Again I was sitting down and having a read of the ex pat magazine Thats Beijing, when all of a sudden the cubicle door fell off its hinges with a crash. Apart from nearly having a heart attack, I then had to perform the 'clean up' with a fear that someone was going to walk in and see me. It was not a pleasant experience to say the least.
Anyone got any toilet horror stories they want to share?? Don't be shy!
Who's the man that won't cop out when there's danger all about? |
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BLT
> Teenager of the Year <
South Sandwich Islands
4204 Posts |
Posted - 03/04/2004 : 08:24:40
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I lost a pager in a toilet once. I was at work. I had just finished a deuce, stood up, and flushed the toilet as I was pulling up my pants. The pager fell out of my pants pocket into the toilet just as it was emptying. Since this was an industrial-type toilet (no visible tank-- lots of "jet action"), the pager was gone before I fully realized what had happened.
One other story-- I had a horrible job cleaning air ducts for a few months when I was in my early 20s. We were doing a job at a metal fabrication plant in Chatsworth, California. It was July of 1990 and the temperature in Chatsworth was about 105 (41C for you metrics out there). They employed lots of immigrants from Mexico. What many people don't realize is that many folks in Mexico put their used toilet paper in a can next to the toilet, rather than flushing it. I guess the janitors found out the hard way that these Mexicans were set in their ways, unable to adapt to the luxury of flushing TP, so every toilet stall had it's own trash can. I don't think I have to describe the smell-- let your imagination do the work. |
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benji
> Teenager of the Year <
New Zealand
3426 Posts |
Posted - 03/04/2004 : 08:46:15
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i can't think of any of mine, but a friend of mine when tramping (hiking) a few years ago went to the toilet, which was of the long-drop variety. She had to take her touch (it was a maglite) cause it was at night and somehow she managed to drop the torch down the toilet, landing on the previous few years worth of excrement.
She had no other torch, so had to recrieve it or else she would have been in some trouble getting back. So with the help of another friend they managed to reach it and dig it out of the pile of shit. She just washed it off a bit and continued on as usual.
She assured me it never smelt bad, but i was never brave enough to smell it.
 "I joined the Cult of Frank / I think that man deserves a DB!" |
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Dave Noisy
Minister of Chaos
Canada
4496 Posts |
Posted - 03/04/2004 : 11:20:52
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That is the funniest thing i've read all week Stuart..hahahahhaha I'm always afraid of walking into the womens room... Hasn't ever happened, luckily.
Tooo funny.. *CRASH*
 Join the Cult of the Flying Pigxies - I'm A Believer! |
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Crispy Water
= Cult of Ray =
Canada
819 Posts |
Posted - 03/04/2004 : 14:07:21
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I walked into the girls' room by accident in high school and it was one of the stranger sights I've seen in my day. There were about ten girls standing by the sinks talking and laughing, all in a circle with drinks and stuff. It was like they'd been there for hours just relaxing, and I think I realized where I was before they spotted me.
Stuart's story just reminded me of that, and I've always kinda wondered if there are a lot of people/groups that tend to congregate around the toilet. I know people joke about women going to the washroom together, but this looked like it could have been a real meeting of some kind.
Nothing is ever something. |
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Stuart
- The Clopser -
China
2291 Posts |
Posted - 03/04/2004 : 16:36:53
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You guys should see the state of Chinese toilets, apart from there not being any porcelain to sit on the general cleanliness is appalling. In fact the only way toilets are public toilets are cleaned in China is by someone burning an incense stick so get rid of the smell. This does not work at all, and makes the place pukeworthy. The worst time I have had was when I had a dodgy stomach on a 12hr train journey from Qingdao to Beijing. Squatting down at the best of times is difficult but on a moving train it becomes a long drawn out affair, with an added fear of losing your balance.
quote:
Originally posted by BLT
I lost a pager in a toilet once. I was at work. I had just finished a deuce, stood up, and flushed the toilet as I was pulling up my pants. The pager fell out of my pants pocket into the toilet just as it was emptying. Since this was an industrial-type toilet (no visible tank-- lots of "jet action"), the pager was gone before I fully realized what had happened.
One other story-- I had a horrible job cleaning air ducts for a few months when I was in my early 20s. We were doing a job at a metal fabrication plant in Chatsworth, California. It was July of 1990 and the temperature in Chatsworth was about 105 (41C for you metrics out there). They employed lots of immigrants from Mexico. What many people don't realize is that many folks in Mexico put their used toilet paper in a can next to the toilet, rather than flushing it. I guess the janitors found out the hard way that these Mexicans were set in their ways, unable to adapt to the luxury of flushing TP, so every toilet stall had it's own trash can. I don't think I have to describe the smell-- let your imagination do the work.
Who's the man that won't cop out when there's danger all about? |
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Cult_Of_Frank
= Black Noise Maker =
Canada
11687 Posts |
Posted - 03/04/2004 : 16:40:32
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Hahaha, those are brilliant stories guys. Stuart, two of those back to back would make me fear using the washroom ever again. More than I do at present, I mean. :)
Did you really laugh out loud and/or did she hear ya?
 "Join the Cult of Frank / And you'll be enlightened" |
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Stuart
- The Clopser -
China
2291 Posts |
Posted - 03/04/2004 : 17:44:54
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Seriously I was holding my hand over my mouth as I was laughing so much, with a pained expression on my face. I did however feel sorry for the (wo)man (or so I thought) in the next cubicle as I know that the food here can make you shit through the eye of a needle. Still I don't like using public toilets at the best of times, and won't be rushing to use one in the near future. I am pretty sure she didn't hear me though, that could have been very embarrasing if she did.
Who's the man that won't cop out when there's danger all about? |
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realmeanmotorscutor
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1764 Posts |
Posted - 03/04/2004 : 18:40:27
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I did my business in a women's bathroom once too. I realized it while I was sitting down and saw the "feminine napkins" disposal. I nearly had a heart attack trying to finish up and wash my hands before someone walked in. Luckily this was a college library bathroom and we all know that no college kid goes to the library or is there long enough to use the can.
 "I joined the Cult of Popeye / The CoF required my good eye" |
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shineoftheever
> Teenager of the Year <
Canada
4307 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2005 : 00:20:55
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funny, the smell of libraries always make me need to have a sitdown, and i find public libraries' washroom's tend to be very clean, warm, and hospitable.
i dropped my cell phone in my home toilet once, it fell out of my hoodies pouch.
 You can go eat a decroded piece of crap! |
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2005 : 03:43:02
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| My god Jon, you must have been bored yesterday. |
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Carl
- A 'Fifth' Catholic -
Ireland
11546 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2005 : 06:34:49
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| I dropped a nice watch down the pan a while ago. |
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The Calistanian
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1342 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2005 : 07:14:36
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I sailed a little boat in mine yesterday.
1. I am a fsh with no i's.
2. You must be wearing Zubaz, 'cause you're daring to be different.
3. I am a man with 3 fingers...but that doesn't count my index finger nor my thumb. |
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Cult_Of_Frank
= Black Noise Maker =
Canada
11687 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2005 : 07:26:23
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Never dropped anything in the toilet but I did wind up in the ladies' on my first day of effectively junior high at a new school. Luckily, it was the teachers' ladies, one of those locked door types with no chance of being walked-in on, but when I discovered my error as I washed my hands, I was terrified to walk out and be seen. It was break and right by the office, so the hall was congested (and it's a small school, so anyone that saw me would know me).
Somehow, I escaped unnoticed. I think I walked quickly out and turned immediately so it looked like I was walking to a garbage can rather than out from the women's.
"Join the Cult of Frank / Seriously." |
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The Calistanian
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1342 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2005 : 07:37:51
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Smooooovvvvee
1. I am a fsh with no i's.
2. You must be wearing Zubaz, 'cause you're daring to be different.
3. I am a man with 3 fingers...but that doesn't count my index finger nor my thumb. |
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2005 : 07:45:55
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...move ex-lax.
"comparing Interpol to Joy Division is like comparing a turd floating in a bathtub to a nuclear-powered aircraft carrier crossing the Atlantic. just one guy's opinion." |
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The Calistanian
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1342 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2005 : 07:58:53
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That was good.
1. I am a fsh with no i's.
2. You must be wearing Zubaz, 'cause you're daring to be different.
3. I am a man with 3 fingers...but that doesn't count my index finger nor my thumb. |
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2005 : 08:10:00
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You too? I feel 5 pounds lighter.
"comparing Interpol to Joy Division is like comparing a turd floating in a bathtub to a nuclear-powered aircraft carrier crossing the Atlantic. just one guy's opinion." |
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The Calistanian
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1342 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2005 : 08:15:32
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Sorry, it wasn't the chocolate flavored kind, so I passed.
1. I am a fsh with no i's.
2. You must be wearing Zubaz, 'cause you're daring to be different.
3. I am a man with 3 fingers...but that doesn't count my index finger nor my thumb. |
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starmekitten
-= Forum Pistolera =-
United Kingdom
6370 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2005 : 09:21:10
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used to tend to use the mens toilets in clubs and busy pubs because the stalls are cleaner and the queues are shorter, one poor guy at the urinal looked horrified once, drunken I shouted 'It's alright love, I've seen it all before' before going to be quite sick in the pristine stall where upon a group of girls came bursting in to check on me, this poor guy at the urinal. I feel bad now.
 cats have nine lives/ which makes them ideal for experimentation |
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speedy_m
= Frankofile =
Canada
3581 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2005 : 09:22:32
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quote:
Originally posted by starmekitten
used to tend to use the mens toilets in clubs and busy pubs because the stalls are cleaner and the queues are shorter, one poor guy at the urinal looked horrified once, drunken I shouted 'It's alright love, I've seen it all before' before going to be quite sick in the pristine stall where upon a group of girls came bursting in to check on me, this poor guy at the urinal. I feel bad now.
cats have nine lives/ which makes them ideal for experimentation
I have a feeling this story would be less amusing if the genders were reversed. I say this because I do find it amusing. |
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The Calistanian
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1342 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2005 : 09:26:25
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Arghh...our secret of the urinal is cracked!
You women weren't supposed to find out about those!
1. I am a fsh with no i's.
2. You must be wearing Zubaz, 'cause you're daring to be different.
3. I am a man with 3 fingers...but that doesn't count my index finger nor my thumb. |
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2005 : 10:05:18
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| You ever noticed how much women freak out if you use their toilets? Another example of a female's double-standards. |
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The Calistanian
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1342 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2005 : 10:41:20
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Can you blame them?
1. I am a fsh with no i's.
2. You must be wearing Zubaz, 'cause you're daring to be different.
3. I am a man with 3 fingers...but that doesn't count my index finger nor my thumb. |
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2005 : 11:14:25
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| For double-standards? Of course. Double-standards cannot ever excused. |
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The Calistanian
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1342 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2005 : 11:34:14
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Well, I only want women to use my toilet, and I freak out when men use it.
Is that considered a double-standard?
1. I am a fsh with no i's.
2. You must be wearing Zubaz, 'cause you're daring to be different.
3. I am a man with 3 fingers...but that doesn't count my index finger nor my thumb. |
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2005 : 11:36:13
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| Your toilet at home? |
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The Calistanian
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1342 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2005 : 11:41:20
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First, let's say the answer is "Yes".
Second, let's say the answer is "No, it's at work".
Thirdly, let's say the answer is "No, it's behind that bush over there."
1. I am a fsh with no i's.
2. You must be wearing Zubaz, 'cause you're daring to be different.
3. I am a man with 3 fingers...but that doesn't count my index finger nor my thumb. |
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2005 : 11:45:18
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| I'd say you are a pervert. |
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The Calistanian
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1342 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2005 : 11:51:06
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Hehe...sorry...I meant nothing perverted by that "bush" one!
Just an outdoorsy option.
1. I am a fsh with no i's.
2. You must be wearing Zubaz, 'cause you're daring to be different.
3. I am a man with 3 fingers...but that doesn't count my index finger nor my thumb. |
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2005 : 11:55:01
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| Hehe, no I mean you are a pervert if you only want to share a toilet with women. |
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kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2005 : 12:03:21
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quote:
Originally posted by starmekitten
used to tend to use the mens toilets in clubs and busy pubs because the stalls are cleaner and the queues are shorter.
cats have nine lives/ which makes them ideal for experimentation
Me too, Tre! Men's rooms are so much cleaner. Research shows that lines are shorter for men's bathrooms.
Reading this thread makes me feel better about dropping
my brand-new wallet into a public toilet last week. All my cards
got drenched but the money stayed dry. Phew!
P.S. Great sig, Apl!
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Catholics |
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The Calistanian
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1342 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2005 : 12:06:12
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Women just leave it neater and tidier after they've used a restroom.
1. I am a fsh with no i's.
2. You must be wearing Zubaz, 'cause you're daring to be different.
3. I am a man with 3 fingers...but that doesn't count my index finger nor my thumb. |
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2005 : 12:08:29
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| Not according to the ladies here. |
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The Calistanian
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1342 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2005 : 12:09:37
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Wow, I guess they would know.
1. I am a fsh with no i's.
2. You must be wearing Zubaz, 'cause you're daring to be different.
3. I am a man with 3 fingers...but that doesn't count my index finger nor my thumb. |
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Homers_pet_monkey
= Official forum monkey =
United Kingdom
17125 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2005 : 12:16:02
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| They think they know everything Cali. |
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Topic |
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Toilet antics
