| Author |
 Topic  |
|
Monsieur
* Dog in the Sand *
France
1688 Posts |
 Posted - 08/04/2005 : 05:59:51
|
Let me tell you this story:
This morning, as usually, I took the Paris metro n°13 to go to my office. A couple of stations later, a very nice looking girl came in, and sat just in front of me. She had a pastel orange (what do you call the color of a peach) top and a nice green skirt with very beautiful, tanned legs and those high-heeled, hippy-looking sandals that I think I like. Moreover, her face was very soft and sweet and it revealed a smooth and kind personality.
As every young man of my education and social status, I avoided staring at her and betraying, by my look, that I was sexually attracted to her so I simply watched, not without effort, through the window (which, as everyone who takes the metro knows, is ridiculous as there is nothing to see through the window).
Now, all that stuff made me think today (I am not very busy at the moment): why was I afraid of her seeing me looking at her? This has nothing to do with the fact that I might be afraid she wouldn't like me and such stuff - people never talk to each other in the metro and their relationship, if any, is purely visual. In fact, I think I did it because I was afraid that she might feel objectified. As one of the main leitmotivs in my (strict) education has been not to humiliate people, I just had to keep the same neutral attitude towards a young and attractive woman as if it was an old and (naturally for a heterosexual) unattractive man.
So, do you think this part of my education is noble and worth transmitting to my offspring, or do you think it is something that limits the possibility and, as Morrissey would brilliantly yet simply point out, "stops you from doing all the things in life you'd like to"?
Please answer my question as it would help me a lot to know what other people think about this. If you do so, maybe (and maybe not) I will post some pictures to illustrate the story.
Thank you for your attention.
I will show you fear in a handful of dust |
|
|
Newo
~ Abstract Brain ~
Spain
2674 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2005 : 06:18:00
|
I was talking to a Catalan girl in my neighbours´ apartment about guys looking at her ass (it was magnificent) and she said she wasn´t bothered by the fact that they looked but by the way they looked, so just as you can look at someone and humiliate them you can look at someone in such a way to make them feel very good about themselves.
--
Les cacahuetes c'est le mouvement perpétuel à la portée de l'homme . |
 |
|
|
cassandra is
> Teenager of the Year <
France
4233 Posts |
|
|
Surfer Rosa
> Teenager of the Year <
4209 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2005 : 06:35:11
|
Me too
The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it. |
|
|
|
Cheeseman1000
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Iceland
8201 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2005 : 07:02:41
|
quote:
Originally posted by Monsieur
Please answer my question as it would help me a lot to know what other people think about this. If you do so, maybe (and maybe not) I will post some pictures to illustrate the story.
That's a good incentive.
I would tend to take the same approach, just to stare the other way while surreptitiously sneaking glances. That's maybe more to do with my morbid fear of talking to strange women though.
Does it count as objectifying if I see a girl then spend the rest of my day dreaming about how I could talk to her, what we'd have in common, etc...
How's that for a slice of fried gold? |
|
|
|
jediroller
* Dog in the Sand *
France
1718 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2005 : 07:15:57
|
That's why I keep my sunglasses in the underground.
I jumped on the Frank Black Bandwagon/'Cause Pixies are so 2004 |
|
|
|
Surfer Rosa
> Teenager of the Year <
4209 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2005 : 07:22:14
|
quote:
Originally posted by jediroller
That's why I keep my sunglasses in the underground.
I jumped on the Frank Black Bandwagon/'Cause Pixies are so 2004
and why I tend to live in mine
The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it. |
|
|
|
Joey Joe Jo Jr. Chabadoo
* Dog in the Sand *
1091 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2005 : 07:24:04
|
Hey man! Be daring. maybe you'll never see her again. It's better to be ridiculous than letting things NOT happen. After all there is nothing more demeaning than taking the tube. you can't reach a deepest level of tragic in the tube... Let yourself go next time...
**** |
|
|
|
Monsieur
* Dog in the Sand *
France
1688 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2005 : 07:59:09
|
Basically what you are all saying that if there's a good looking girl, we have the right look at her.
I will show you fear in a handful of dust |
|
|
|
SpudBoy
= Cult of Ray =
Equatorial Guinea
649 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2005 : 08:05:54
|
Your education in fact should apply directly to this, Monsieur! In business, you gain nothing if you refrain from bold action, although you must approach your presentation with tact and respect. Talk to her about the tragedy of avoiding people on the metro, compliment her on her choice of attire, or ask an oddball question as a litmus test for compatibility (e.g. do you think Sartre's analysis of the isolation of the individual is a permanent condition? or some such subject matter you enjoy...) - above all, be the charming frenchman you know you are. And if she slaps you, or turns you down, at least you know it was not meant to be. You missed this chance, and where has it gotten you? I am fortunate that I got another chance once I wised up a little, and now I am married to the woman of my dreams. I hate to think where I would be had I not been presented that second chance.
"High fructose corn syrup: It makes the demons worse." - Wesley Willis |
|
|
|
Erebus
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1834 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2005 : 08:06:28
|
quote:
Originally posted by Monsieur
So, do you think this part of my education is noble and worth transmitting to my offspring, or do you think it is something that limits the possibility and, as Morrissey would brilliantly yet simply point out, "stops you from doing all the things in life you'd like to"?
I think it's a symptom of the pathology of our era, in which the natural would beget shame. But the natural will rise again, despite our culturally perverted resistance. |
|
|
|
TRANSMARINE
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
2002 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2005 : 08:08:03
|
I think you were just scared because she was to good for you.
I was alone...in my BIG BED
-bRIAN |
|
|
|
SpudBoy
= Cult of Ray =
Equatorial Guinea
649 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2005 : 08:14:53
|
I concur, TM - I will admit freely that it was that precise condition that kept me from stating my desires the first time around with my now-spouse. She scared the crap out of me. This has taught me to pay close attention to anything that scares me, as it may be a rare chance to make amazing things happen.
"High fructose corn syrup: It makes the demons worse." - Wesley Willis |
|
|
|
Joey Joe Jo Jr. Chabadoo
* Dog in the Sand *
1091 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2005 : 08:18:28
|
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Monsieur
Basically what you are all saying that if there's a good looking girl, we have the right look at her.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I will show you fear in a handful of dust
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cher ami, bien sur! Tout dépendra ensuite de la teneur du regard, de la salive qu'il convient de dissimuler sous sa langue, de sa gaule qu'il convient de cacher également. Eviter les survêtements à cette fin (et à bien d'autres encore...). Enfin, un regard émule l'autre si l'esthétique et le charisme de deux êtres peuvent supporter la comparaison.
Brrr... it doesn't sound natural anymore to speak French in this place...
 |
|
|
|
Joey Joe Jo Jr. Chabadoo
* Dog in the Sand *
1091 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2005 : 08:19:40
|
And I would add this is more than a right... This is a DUTY to emulate BEAUTY....
|
|
|
|
cassandra is
> Teenager of the Year <
France
4233 Posts |
|
|
vilainde
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Niue
7446 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2005 : 08:30:22
|
Us people living in the XVème all take example from Balladur, don't you know that?
(sorry, non-French!)
Denis
I know the god of rock n roll / Yeah I sold him my soul! |
|
|
|
cassandra is
> Teenager of the Year <
France
4233 Posts |
|
|
Monsieur
* Dog in the Sand *
France
1688 Posts |
|
|
Monsieur
* Dog in the Sand *
France
1688 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2005 : 09:15:40
|
Its very nice that you all answer how I should approach a hot girl in public transports, and I will certainly try to apply your advice in the near future, but I must say that this was not really my initial question. Nevermind, that's one of the best things about this forum, the way threads deviate.
I will show you fear in a handful of dust |
|
|
|
Monsieur
* Dog in the Sand *
France
1688 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2005 : 09:19:01
|
quote:
Originally posted by Joey Joe Jo Jr. Chabadoo
Cher ami, bien sur! Tout dépendra ensuite de la teneur du regard, de la salive qu'il convient de dissimuler sous sa langue, de sa gaule qu'il convient de cacher également. Eviter les survêtements à cette fin (et à bien d'autres encore...). Enfin, un regard émule l'autre si l'esthétique et le charisme de deux êtres peuvent supporter la comparaison.
Brrr... it doesn't sound natural anymore to speak French in this place...
Bien sûr cher Chab', mais ce serait là négliger le pouvoir d'attraction qu'un beau survêt Adidas peut avoir sur une jeune fille de nos jours. Surtout lorsqu'il est associé à une casquette Lacoste!
I will show you fear in a handful of dust |
|
|
|
Monsieur
* Dog in the Sand *
France
1688 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2005 : 09:19:40
|
Spudbo, very nice to see you again.
I will show you fear in a handful of dust |
|
|
|
Monsieur
* Dog in the Sand *
France
1688 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2005 : 09:22:16
|
quote:
Originally posted by Cheeseman1000
Does it count as objectifying if I see a girl then spend the rest of my day dreaming about how I could talk to her, what we'd have in common, etc...
Yes it is objectifying. You are being a naughty Cheeseman!
I will show you fear in a handful of dust |
|
|
|
edwina
- FB Fan -
United Kingdom
179 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2005 : 09:28:27
|
quote:
Originally posted by Monsieur
Basically what you are all saying that if there's a good looking girl, we have the right look at her.
I will show you fear in a handful of dust
As you have the right to look at a girl (or boy) who is not so good looking or, in fact, anybody. Personally, I don't believe looking equals to objectifying. |
Edited by - edwina on 08/04/2005 09:32:34 |
|
|
|
Monsieur
* Dog in the Sand *
France
1688 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2005 : 09:38:28
|
quote:
Originally posted by edwina
quote:
Originally posted by Monsieur
Basically what you are all saying that if there's a good looking girl, we have the right look at her.
I will show you fear in a handful of dust
As you have the right to look at a girl (or boy) who is not so good looking or, in fact, anybody. Personally, I don't believe looking equals to objectifying.
The fact that you are looking at an attractive girl may harm a not so attractive girl that is near her.
I will show you fear in a handful of dust |
|
|
|
edwina
- FB Fan -
United Kingdom
179 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2005 : 09:45:40
|
But that wasn't the reason why you didn't look at this girl, was it?
From what you say, it wasn't not to harm someone less attractive that was nearby. My understanding is that you didn't want HER to feel objectified.
Well, in that case, I don't think that should be a concern. |
Edited by - edwina on 08/04/2005 09:48:05 |
|
|
|
TRANSMARINE
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
2002 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2005 : 09:52:58
|
I still say the idea of you 'objectifying' her by looking at her is a total unintelligent excuse you are hiding behind...you were scared of her because she is too good for you! That's it! She made you feel weak...you felt inferior because you found her so attractive. It's plain and simple, and happens every day.
I was alone...in my BIG BED
-bRIAN |
|
|
|
Surfer Rosa
> Teenager of the Year <
4209 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2005 : 09:52:59
|
quote:
Originally posted by Monsieur
quote:
Originally posted by edwina
quote:
Originally posted by Monsieur
Basically what you are all saying that if there's a good looking girl, we have the right look at her.
I will show you fear in a handful of dust
As you have the right to look at a girl (or boy) who is not so good looking or, in fact, anybody. Personally, I don't believe looking equals to objectifying.
The fact that you are looking at an attractive girl may harm a not so attractive girl that is near her.
I will show you fear in a handful of dust
I fear that you are maybe placing far too much importance in your stolen glances.
The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it. |
|
|
|
Crispy Water
= Cult of Ray =
Canada
819 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2005 : 10:33:29
|
What I find strange here is that all this effort was spent to avoid looking at the female in question, but you also state that you have "pictures to illustrate the story." If you were worried that she would catch you checking her out, what do you suppose her reaction would be if you were caught snapping photos of her on the train? Have I misinterpreted your statement?
Nothing is ever something. |
|
|
|
Monsieur
* Dog in the Sand *
France
1688 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2005 : 11:18:54
|
quote:
Originally posted by TRANSMARINE
I still say the idea of you 'objectifying' her by looking at her is a total unintelligent excuse you are hiding behind...you were scared of her because she is too good for you! That's it! She made you feel weak...you felt inferior because you found her so attractive. It's plain and simple, and happens every day.
I was alone...in my BIG BED
-bRIAN
Perhaps, but if it's something that I do without knowing it, then it's something I don't know.
I will show you fear in a handful of dust |
|
|
|
Carl
- A 'Fifth' Catholic -
Ireland
11546 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2005 : 11:26:32
|
| I avoid starring at people to the point were I end up starring into space and looking awkward! I'm a real out-the-window looker on public transport, but I've tried to curtail that over time, I mean it's one thing to not look at people too intensely and make them feel uncomfortable, and another to be uncomfortable yourself, being too self-conscious about whether your starring at people for even a moment!! |
Edited by - Carl on 08/04/2005 11:29:27 |
|
|
|
TRANSMARINE
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
2002 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2005 : 12:03:46
|
quote:
Originally posted by Monsieur
quote:
Originally posted by TRANSMARINE
I still say the idea of you 'objectifying' her by looking at her is a total unintelligent excuse you are hiding behind...you were scared of her because she is too good for you! That's it! She made you feel weak...you felt inferior because you found her so attractive. It's plain and simple, and happens every day.
I was alone...in my BIG BED
-bRIAN
Perhaps, but if it's something that I do without knowing it, then it's something I don't know.
I will show you fear in a handful of dust
I didn't mean to sound condescending in my post...I was just being frank. I'm offering a possible explanation or suggestion, as you were asking for. People should stop worrying about objectifying this or that, and just do it and accept it, or don't and accept it. There's nothing wrong with individual perceptions, but one opens a can of worms when one puts oneself in a vulnerable spot, which is what you have done by presenting this dilemma. Again, I'm not trying to be mean, just honest. That's all. Instead of pondering something for hours and hours, and before asking advice, I always find it better to let it go BUT when the situation arises again, attempt an alternative action. I find this clarifies a lot of stuff...and in the meantime, you can focus on other stuff life throws at you.
I was alone...in my BIG BED
-bRIAN |
|
|
|
Cheeseman1000
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Iceland
8201 Posts |
Posted - 08/04/2005 : 16:39:53
|
quote:
Originally posted by Monsieur
quote:
Originally posted by Cheeseman1000
Does it count as objectifying if I see a girl then spend the rest of my day dreaming about how I could talk to her, what we'd have in common, etc...
Yes it is objectifying. You are being a naughty Cheeseman!
I will show you fear in a handful of dust
Looks like I'm an objectifier then. As long as I don't post pictures of said imaginings, I'll probably be fine.
How's that for a slice of fried gold? |
|
|
|
Newo
~ Abstract Brain ~
Spain
2674 Posts |
Posted - 08/05/2005 : 01:48:37
|
I thought I did answer your question by saying looking isn´t necessarily inflicting humiliation.
--
Les cacahuetes c'est le mouvement perpétuel à la portée de l'homme . |
|
|
|
Monsieur
* Dog in the Sand *
France
1688 Posts |
Posted - 08/05/2005 : 05:19:52
|
Yes. But once again, if I was a girl with an incredible ass, I would be kind of bothered if everyone looked at it.
I will show you fear in a handful of dust |
|
|
|
Surfer Rosa
> Teenager of the Year <
4209 Posts |
Posted - 08/05/2005 : 05:27:35
|
Or maybe there are more important things to worry about?
The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it. |
|
|
|
Topic |
|
The objectifying thread
