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Monsieur
* Dog in the Sand *
France
1688 Posts |
 Posted - 11/16/2004 : 05:25:18
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1.Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.
2.Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana,
press the hash key..."
3.A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
5.I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
6.My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
7.A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
8.I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.
9.Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the
craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
10.Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
11.Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
12.'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home' "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. ' Is it common? ' "It's not unusual."
13.A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed? ""No, because he's really heavy"
14.Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside." "How's that?" "Don't you start."
15.Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!
16.What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
17.So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
18.Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin.
19.Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"
20.Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
21."You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."
22.A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"
23.Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.....
I will show you fear in a handful of dust |
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Cheeseman1000
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Iceland
8201 Posts |
Posted - 11/16/2004 : 05:32:42
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I was expecting Top Cat, but hey, its all good.
"You ever seen a man say goodbye to a shoe?"
"Yes, once..." |
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kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
Posted - 11/16/2004 : 11:25:59
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Oh, the hilarity. The hilarity.
 I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank |
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Coldheartofstone
* Dog in the Sand *
Canada
2025 Posts |
Posted - 11/16/2004 : 11:29:58
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That's some good shit.
He is in the music business, he is calling you DUDE! |
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kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
Posted - 11/16/2004 : 11:43:45
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Must....stop...laughing.
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank |
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manintheshack
- FB Fan -
48 Posts |
Posted - 11/16/2004 : 14:14:52
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That muesli joke is the best joke ever. I've told all my friends.
Oh, except for the 'Why are there no aspirins in the jungle? Because the paracetemol' gag. That's my boy.
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I kick arse for the Lord. |
Edited by - manintheshack on 11/16/2004 14:16:56 |
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kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
Posted - 11/16/2004 : 15:12:27
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There is a wit here that transcends the obvious. Yes, we have the
word-play, the funny puns, if you will. But there is another layer to this, and it somehow all works in a post-feminist structure.
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank |
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toeknee
= Cult of Ray =
United Kingdom
281 Posts |
Posted - 11/17/2004 : 15:35:18
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| Is the 1826 in number 23 a coincidence? |
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kathryn
~ Selkie Bride ~
Belgium
15320 Posts |
Posted - 11/17/2004 : 18:42:08
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I return every few hours and laugh my heart out.
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank |
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TC lives
