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Little Black Francis
> Teenager of the Year <
3648 Posts |
 Posted - 10/20/2003 : 00:18:49
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I was adopted- TN x VA -inter->state- closed...
I wish it had been an open adoption, extended family etc...
Don't get me started
you?
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glacial906
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1738 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2003 : 06:42:35
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What do you mean by "TN x VA -inter->state- closed..."?
No, can't say I was adopted, but I was left to my grandparents here in TN for them to raise from the time when I was about 14 until 18. Not trying to make a sob story, but my parents always had lots of problems when they were married, and I guess they felt that the more stable enviornment of my grandparents would be a better place for me to grow up. Well, as sweet as my grandparents were, they were in no state to raise a stupid, ornery teenager like I was, and I ended up getting into a lot of trouble back then. I feel bad now, because I should not have put them through half the shit I did, especially because my grandmother (the one I lived with) died a few years ago, and my grandfather had a stroke last summer and had to go live in Wyoming with my mom. So, I guess we have something in common that we both have a slightly off-kilter family situation....
Where were you born in Tennessee? |
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BLT
> Teenager of the Year <
South Sandwich Islands
4204 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2003 : 09:34:46
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When I was about 10 and my sister was 7, I told her she was adopted-- "Mom and Dad told me never to tell you this, but..."
It was a lie, of course. I still haven't heard the end of it.
 "I phoned the Cult of Abe / for one score and fifteen cents " |
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Little Black Francis
> Teenager of the Year <
3648 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2003 : 10:31:02
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Thanks for caring, GLACIAL
Bristol
I meant interstate transfer, TN to VA, 1976, in a closed format, closed meaning all recods sealed.
Don't be mad at yourself for that shit with your grandparents, they still love you right? Everyone was an asshole when they were a fucked up teenager, so was I, and I feel like shit too about it. Just focus and be happy on the love you create and have around you now 'tis my advice.
So's I guess no one else of us 2500 is adopted, nor gives a shit about it, especially if I started the topic.
Great.
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ain't it funny how the goes |
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Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2003 : 10:35:43
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| Nope, wasn't adopted, but it would explain alot of things......;) |
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Little Black Francis
> Teenager of the Year <
3648 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2003 : 10:40:28
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What, that I am an over-grown kid who has an alcohol problem? That I am more emotional than... somone who isn't? That I have an Oedipus/abandonment [edit] complex?
: )
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ain't it funny how the goes |
Edited by - Little Black Francis on 10/20/2003 10:41:07 |
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glacial906
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1738 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2003 : 10:46:17
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| I just like beer. How about yourself? |
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Little Black Francis
> Teenager of the Year <
3648 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2003 : 10:55:44
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I just puked one whilst having one for breakfast... oopsy
I got half digested beer coming out of my nose, just like the alchol, none of the barely or hops or anything comeing out of my nose.
Now it's time for pills.
Always wait until you puke in the morning beofre you take your pills. Das good advice I'm tellin' you mayn.
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ain't it funny how the goes |
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Little Black Francis
> Teenager of the Year <
3648 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2003 : 10:56:40
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| accidental post |
Edited by - Little Black Francis on 10/20/2003 11:10:50 |
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2003 : 11:04:22
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lbf, how do you know all those things about Carolynanna? ;) j/k Carolynanna!
This is a great topic. I didn't resond because I wanted to leave it first to the people that had been adopted or had something more pertinent to say than me - the only thing I can offer is that my husband's former girlfriend was adopted from Korea, and her adoptive parents were like a real-life Ward and June Cleaver. She was angry and spiteful and evil to them, even though they gave her everything and were very supportive and loving. She used to cuss them out and tell them she wished they would die right to their faces. I think that adoption is very difficult for a lot of the people involved, but that considering the alternative in many cases, it can be a very good thing. A teenager with a difficult background/unhappy family life, hell, every teenager I've known, naturally is angry at the damn world - it's not fair, and you feel totally powerless.
Glacial, I bet your grandparents lovingly understood that, and though it probably hurt, from what I've observed, just about all kids hurt their parents, adoptive or not.
I am not sure still if I would feel right having a kid, though I would really love to, because so much about this world is fucked up. I would feel better about giving another child a loving home and would love them like my own. My world-view makes it difficult for me to justify bringing another person into the world - I feel like it would be selfish, but maybe I'll get over that someday. I love kids. They rock so much.
Where are we going?
Planet ten!
When?
Real soon!!
-The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension |
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Little Black Francis
> Teenager of the Year <
3648 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2003 : 11:12:42
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I just want to see a picture of my mother
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ain't it funny how the goes |
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glacial906
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1738 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2003 : 11:15:52
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Me and my wife were not planning to have a kid to start out with; we got married when she was 5 months pregnant! (Which, coincidentally places the night she got pregnant at approximately the same weekend I proposed to her!) I am extremely thankful that we have our daughter, but if all had been gone to plan we probably wouldn't have had her for a couple of years. When you first get married you generally want to have a little bit of time to enjoy your new life together. But, things don't always go as planned and I like my situation now just fine.
That is a good view, apl, for you to have about how you would rather help a child already out there than bring another one into the world. It makes alot of sense to me. I don't have any horribly strong feelings about the state of the world right now, because it's always been fucked up. Maybe not to the extent it is now, but people are always going to be people, and cause war, crime, greed, etc. If I'd lived at any time or place in history, there would be ill shit going on then too. (Although, don't look at my viewpoint as trying to be persuasive, I think it's a good idea to try to provide a loving family to another kid rather than having your own.) But, if I'd been born during the Middle Ages and lived on some noble's estate in France, I'd have my own set of problems to deal with too, like disease, poverty, the whims of the noble who's land I serfed, etc. Concordantly, if I'd lived back in 1942, me and my family would have had to contend with WWII in some way or another. |
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glacial906
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1738 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2003 : 11:16:46
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| What do you do for a living, LBF? Just out of curiosity. |
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Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2003 : 11:17:49
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quote:
Originally posted by Little Black Francis
I just want to see a picture of my mother
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ain't it funny how the goes
This sounds very sad, I can't say I can emphasize b/c I have no idea what it would feel like to be adopted.
But here's a good story, I went to university and ended up in a class with this guy who was in Native Studies. He said he always felt a pull towards that subject even though he was not native. Anyways, at the end of the year (he was about 40ish) he found out he was adopted (he had never known) and that his birth mother was metis. It was really cool. |
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2003 : 11:22:50
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All very good points, glacial, and whether you like it or not, rather persuasive! I know that the world's always been screwed up, but it may be that I would be adding to the already out-of-control population that gets to me. It may be silly for me to try to debate this with myself, since it's probably going to be decided by my "biological clock" anyway, heheh!
Adoption laws upset me - I think it's every person's absolute undeniable right to know who their parents are. I hope that you can someday, lbf.
Where are we going?
Planet ten!
When?
Real soon!!
-The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension |
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glacial906
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1738 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2003 : 11:25:06
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| Just noticed your post count. I think you should have the record for most posts in least amount of time, apl. It seems like you just joined this forum a few weeks ago! Hot damn, girl. |
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mereubu
= FB QuizMistress =
USA
2677 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2003 : 11:26:03
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My little sister was adopted at birth. My dad & stepmother met her mom & other siblings before she was born, but I don't know if she's "supposed" to ever contact them or not or if she's even curious. (She's 17 years younger than me, so I don't get to talk to her about stuff as often as I'd like to.)
Believe me, you don't have to be adopted to have abandonment issues.
 "I joined the Cult of Frank / And all I got was this lousy icon" |
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apl4eris
~ Abstract Brain ~
USA
4800 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2003 : 11:26:44
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Hi, my name is apl, and I'm addicted to this forum. Thanks for noticing, glacial. :)
Where are we going?
Planet ten!
When?
Real soon!!
-The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension |
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Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2003 : 11:30:01
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Okay, I'm going to be completely honest here. My son is not my husband's biological child. Although, he legally adopted him about 5 years ago. We try to be as open and honest as possible with D.
LBF, what am I in for here, any ideas? |
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glacial906
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1738 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2003 : 11:33:40
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I would say I have more of a strange compelling to make my parents (especially my dad) proud of me, for some reason. Now, I would not say I dislike either of my parents, and I'm not one of the people who attributes their own personality flaws and mistakes on their parents, but they really didn't provide the most visibly loving enviornment for us kids growing up, and I can't figure out why I subconciously idolize my dad so much. I can't imagine saying to my wife, especially around my daughter, some of the words my parents exchanged. It was like they didn't even notice or care that we were there.
Hot damn but this topic is getting depressing! Dammit, Little Black Francis! =) |
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Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2003 : 11:38:42
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Chris, that sounds unbelievably familiar, and I just happen to be working in the exact same field as my dad :(, but let me tell ya, you will probably never impress him or gain his respect or adoration and that's maybe why you do idolize him or try to impress him...
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glacial906
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1738 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2003 : 11:46:41
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I dunno...he's not a bad guy, now. He and my mom finally got divorced in 1997, after twenty-something years of marriage. It was kind of like, after he split from my mom, he and all of us kids (my two sisters and one brother) had SOOOO much better a relationship with him. I guess maybe, like in many families, they stayed together solely for the children. I think it would've been better if they were that miserable together to have split a long time ago. My wife and I have had our share of fights, but nothing like my parents did...I envy Sara because her parents are very loving and get into no worse a fight than the occasional bicker.
I guess my direct reply (I'm being pretty vague today, I guess) would be that my dad would probably be pretty proud of me no matter what I did, but I just don't know why I have the desire to make him, in particular, proud. Because, to have fought like that with my mom for all those years in front of us kids, obviously he didn't much care back then what we thought...
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Carolynanna
>> Denizen of the Citizens Band <<
Canada
6556 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2003 : 11:47:28
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Oh and Chris, just be happy that you are smart enough to recognize these things, its when people are in denial that they don't make the best choices. hence my choosing the same career path as my dad, or hence contributing circumstances to me having D when I was 18.
Oh my, I am sharing too much today, I'm getting uncomfortable. |
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mereubu
= FB QuizMistress =
USA
2677 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2003 : 11:49:16
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Just keep your boobs covered and you'll be ok, dear. ;-)
"I joined the Cult of Frank / And all I got was this lousy icon" |
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glacial906
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1738 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2003 : 11:49:37
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 Hey, I already crossed the "slightly uncomfortable" line sometime today! |
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Little Black Francis
> Teenager of the Year <
3648 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2003 : 12:51:33
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glacial906> Teenager of the Year < USA517 Posts Posted - 10/20/2003 : 11:16:46
What do you do for a living, LBF? Just out of curiosity.
Right now I am a Chef at a Country Club and I play music solo for money on my daze off.
apl4eris
Adoption laws upset me - I think it's every person's absolute undeniable right to know who their parents are. I hope that you can someday, lbf.
Adoption laws piss me off. I wrote a huge paper about in college. I shall spare you. Thank you for the internet affection : ) Here's a platonic internet hug: ________ . :)
mereubu= FB QuizMistress = USA2141 Posts Posted - 10/20/2003 : 11:26:03
My little sister was adopted at birth. My dad & stepmother met her mom & other siblings before she was born, but I don't know if she's "supposed" to ever contact them or not or if she's even curious. (She's 17 years younger than me, so I don't get to talk to her about stuff as often as I'd like to.) Believe me, you don't have to be adopted to have abandonment issues.
Abandonment issues surely can arise from many different scenarios, however, I'd say the adoptee is more likely to gonna have 'em. We can have Abandonment complex as our next new sad fucked up topic.
Carolynanna>> Denizen of the Citizens Band << Canada1519 Posts Posted - 10/20/2003 : 11:30:01
Okay, I'm going to be completely honest here. My son is not my husband's biological child. Although, he legally adopted him about 5 years ago. We try to be as open and honest as possible with D. LBF, what am I in for here, any ideas?
You are there to love. Go to a bookstore and look at the adoption section. You just might find a book that will help you.
My favorite "adoption book," is a Memoirs, it's called "Twice Born" by Betty Jean Lifton... she's written a shitload of great books on the subject...
Cheer up everyone, everythings always fucked up : )
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Little Black Francis
> Teenager of the Year <
3648 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2003 : 21:54:04
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thread dead?
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glacial906
* Dog in the Sand *
USA
1738 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2003 : 21:57:26
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Your last post sounded kind of like a finale, LBF.
What else you wanna talk about? |
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