| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| kathryn |
Posted - 09/11/2007 : 16:57:39
My kid and I discussed who she'd invite to her bday party. She insisted not to invite a certain non-school kid who is bossy and with whom she stopped being friends in the last year. Tonight, the bossy girl calls, wishes my kid a happy bday and asks to be invited to her party. I hear my daughter say, "No, I don't want to invite you." I can't imagine who told this kid that my kid's having a party, maybe she doesn't even know that there is a party, maybe she just assumed there would be. It's important to me to raise an ethical, empathetic kid.
What am I supposed to do? I don't want to force my kid to call back and invite the very kid I said she needn't invite. I don't know why but this is reeeeally bugging me. I'm also really pissed at these hippie parents who'd let their 9-year-old get on the horn and invite herself to a party. Suggestions?
the cure make me want to die, but in a good way -- mr.biscuitdoughhead
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| 18 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Daisy Girl |
Posted - 09/14/2007 : 15:11:11
I am not a parent either, but I think it was pretty cool that your daughter stood up for her self. It's a hard ballance to know to teach her in this example. But hopefully that bossy kid learned a lession as well and won't be so bossy anymore.
bluefinger |
| kathryn |
Posted - 09/14/2007 : 14:48:46
OBW, I'm sorry that this brought up difficult memories.
Thanks for all the comments, everybody.
the cure make me want to die, but in a good way -- mr.biscuitdoughhead
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| ObfuscateByWill |
Posted - 09/13/2007 : 00:01:06
Phooey.
Invite one-and-all.
-
Hey, having been among the sometimes uninvited (or pity invite) as a kid, I remember that sting.
Damn this thread and all the bummer memories it's dragged out.
*Take a bite of the chocolate coffin. |
| billgoodman |
Posted - 09/12/2007 : 12:45:42
There is no good way to handle this. But in all fairness, I think your daughter stood up for herself, and that is quite something.
(I'm no parent)
---------------------------
BF: Mag ik Engels spreken? |
| Carl |
Posted - 09/12/2007 : 11:58:39
Is it just because she's bossy? Or is she actually a bully? By the way, Happy Birthday to your daughter Kathryn!
"I hate how the reptile dreams it's a mammal. Scaley monster: be what you are!!" - Erebus. |
| Homers_pet_monkey |
Posted - 09/12/2007 : 10:42:47
Oh weddings are even more renowned for it than children's parties.
 I'd walk her everyday, into a shady place
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| Broken Face |
Posted - 09/12/2007 : 08:10:59
What is really funny about this situation is that in the wedding planning process, we had something very similar happen. My fiance was friends with a girl in grade school/high school, and their folks became friends. When the folks were invited to the wedding but not the former friend (they hadn't spoken in almost 10 years except at social events where they'd both be there), the parents refused to attend and threw a hissy fit. So Kathryn, this sort of stuff doesn't necessarily go away when the kid stops having birthday parties...
- Brian |
| Carolynanna |
Posted - 09/12/2007 : 06:38:42
I've had this happen before and I'm amazed at how upset the parents of the non-invited child are.
I let my kids pick who comes to their birthday party.
But if they don't want to invite someone because they're in a temporary tiff then I try to sway them a bit. Or if I'm really good friends with the parents.
If the kid wasn't invited and the parents confront me (which they will) I tell them that there were only so many kids allowed at the pool, chuck e cheese, wall climbing etc. rather than my kid doesn't like your kid. Even though I'd really like to tell them off.
__________
Fuck off I got work to do. |
| Homers_pet_monkey |
Posted - 09/12/2007 : 05:41:21
I thought this had been brought back for a second.
http://forum.frankblack.net/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=15892&SearchTerms=kids,say
I think your daughter needs to get used to the fact that someone will always be bossing you around in life, in one way or another.
Seriously though, I agree that perhaps she should call the kid to explain exactly why she feels like she does. It's best they talk over their problems.
I'd walk her everyday, into a shady place
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| jimmy |
Posted - 09/11/2007 : 21:02:23
I agree with Brian. It's so important not to hurt peoples feelings ( I don't mean critisism, just cruelty )
Right before I started school, one night at dinner my mom said that I should never hurt any of the other kids' feelings if they were different, like if they were deaf or something.
As it turns out, I was never cool enough to be in the position to pick on anyone else.
I was very lucky, though. Even though I was shy and bad at sports, hardly anyone ever picked on me and when they did one of the other guys would always stand up for me. Even if I hardly knew them or didn't know them at all there'd always be guys that would actually say they'd be my bodyguard.
check out my friend's paintings at http://myspace.com/landspeedsong |
| danjersey |
Posted - 09/11/2007 : 20:48:29
The same thing happend to me. My seventh birthday was in a week and I had made it known that this kid down the street was not invited. On the day of my party he came anyway, along with his parents and his older brother.
There were words and red faces but I held out.
Mom had my back.
I am not a parent. |
| Broken Face |
Posted - 09/11/2007 : 20:16:42
I'm consistently amazed at how in-tune to the adult world kids are. Your daughter (who, i can say from personal experience, is a sweetheart) was within her rights to not invite someone who will put a damper on her birthday - for kids especially, it is the one day where they get to have things the way they want them (within reason, obviously) and she has good reason (bossy) to not invite her, not a silly kid reason.
However, that being said, it probably couldn't hurt to sit down with her and say something along the lines of "i know you don't want her at your party, but it is important to sometimes do things to make other people feel good, even if it may not make you feel great." That is a lesson most of us learn too late to avoid hurting some feelings.
And finally, that girl's parents need a stern talking to. I know you want your kid to express yourself and whatnot, but that is just ridiculous.
- Brian |
| Superabounder |
Posted - 09/11/2007 : 18:50:04
My son said that your daughter shouldn't invite her if she doesn't want to, and could tell the girl: "Since you are so bossy to me, you haven't earned the opportunity to come to my party, because you might come there and boss everyone around on my day, and that isn't right so you can't come".
I'd rather be anywhere or doing anything |
| jimmy |
Posted - 09/11/2007 : 18:27:06
kathryn,
Even if this other kid is a real asshole, and I'm sure she is, I think-
1) She should not be invited
2) It was rude of the girl to ask to be invited, but it also unkind the way your daughter said no, so...
3) Your daughter should talk to her, and tell her that she's sorry but she's only allowed to have a certain number of guests at the party
4) Your daughter should feel free to tell the girl why she doesn't want to be around her in general, something like, "It bothers me that you're so bossy. We used to be friends, but over the past year you've gotten very bossy"
check out my friend's paintings at http://myspace.com/landspeedsong |
| kathryn |
Posted - 09/11/2007 : 18:26:45
floop, um, no I thank you. No. really. Um.
quote:
Originally posted by Erebus
Makes me curious as to why your daughter doesn't like her, meaning whether the reasons are petty or substantial. If that other girl is really bossy, it would seem your daughter is within her rights, and the fact that the other girl has sought to invite herself does suggest bossiness. I respect your daughter for standing up for herself, and you for allowing her to be herself. I wonder whether the other girl is the head of her own clique or feeling rather isolated due to an offensive personality. One has to think you're getting a window onto the beginning of a potentially dissatisfied life, meaning the other girl. Based on what little you've said, I would let your daughter have her way, especially since you've undoubtedly reminded her of her empathetic responsibilities. If she says "I know Mom, but ....", she deserves her day her way.
Grade school birthday parties are so funny, what with all the emotional turmoil that they often involve. Especially if siblings are involved. I used to always counsel the brother/sister with "remember, this is her/his special day, so you need to help them have a good time", but it usually didn't work out quite that way.
Substantial. And this out-of-the-blue call is further proof. Maybe what's bothering me is how weird/raw/real/unadulterated little-kid interactions can be. How matter-of-fact my kid was. "I don't want to invite you." Ouch. But didn't the bossy girl ask for it by inviting herself?
I'd never force my kid to invite someone who we already agreed was not welcome. I guess I just need to become more comfortable with both kids' bluntness.
the cure make me want to die, but in a good way -- mr.biscuitdoughhead
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| kathryn |
Posted - 09/11/2007 : 18:26:14
floop, um, no I thank you. No. really. Um.
quote:
Originally posted by Erebus
Makes me curious as to why your daughter doesn't like her, meaning whether the reasons are petty or substantial. If that other girl is really bossy, it would seem your daughter is within her rights, and the fact that the other girl has sought to invite herself does suggest bossiness. I respect your daughter for standing up for herself, and you for allowing her to be herself. I wonder whether the other girl is the head of her own clique or feeling rather isolated due to an offensive personality. One has to think you're getting a window onto the beginning of a potentially dissatisfied life, meaning the other girl. Based on what little you've said, I would let your daughter have her way, especially since you've undoubtedly reminded her of her empathetic responsibilities. If she says "I know Mom, but ....", she deserves her day her way.
Grade school birthday parties are so funny, what with all the emotional turmoil that they often involve. Especially if siblings are involved. I used to always counsel the brother/sister with "remember, this is her/his special day, so you need to help them have a good time", but it usually didn't work out quite that way.
Substantial. And this out-of-the-blue call is further proof. Maybe what's bothering me is how weird/raw/real/unadulterated little-kid interactions can be. How matter-of-fact my kid was. "I don't want to invite you." Ouch. But didn't the bossy girl ask for it by inviting herself?
I'd never force my kid to invite someone who we already agreed was not welcome. I guess I just need to become more comfortable with both kids' bluntness.
the cure make me want to die, but in a good way -- mr.biscuitdoughhead
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| Erebus |
Posted - 09/11/2007 : 17:21:54
Makes me curious as to why your daughter doesn't like her, meaning whether the reasons are petty or substantial. If that other girl is really bossy, it would seem your daughter is within her rights, and the fact that the other girl has sought to invite herself does suggest bossiness. I respect your daughter for standing up for herself, and you for allowing her to be herself. I wonder whether the other girl is the head of her own clique or feeling rather isolated due to an offensive personality. One has to think you're getting a window onto the beginning of a potentially dissatisfied life, meaning the other girl. Based on what little you've said, I would let your daughter have her way, especially since you've undoubtedly reminded her of her empathetic responsibilities. If she says "I know Mom, but ....", she deserves her day her way.
Grade school birthday parties are so funny, what with all the emotional turmoil that they often involve. Especially if siblings are involved. I used to always counsel the brother/sister with "remember, this is her/his special day, so you need to help them have a good time", but it usually didn't work out quite that way.
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| floop |
Posted - 09/11/2007 : 17:18:21
i don't have kids but i think it would be best to respect your kids wishes on this one. if it's her party shouldn't she have a say?
then again, i'm not a parent and i don't know child psychology. maybe the right thing to do is force your daughter to invite her, to learn the lesson that sometimes we have to interact with people we'd rather not..
glad i could be of no help
"I am a troll.. and a fag." -LBF |
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