| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Erebus |
Posted - 08/29/2005 : 20:19:08
Should men want to watch their wives give birth?
By Meghan O'Rourke
Updated Monday, Aug. 29, 2005, at 4:32 PM PT
slate.com
A man who doesn't want to watch his wife give birth is a jerk. This was the overwhelming consensus reached by a host of respected blogs after the publication last Tuesday in the New York Times of a piece by a therapist noting an unhappy trend: A number of his male patients have reported that after witnessing their wives have babies they no longer feel attracted to them. "I mean, how are you supposed to go from seeing that to wanting to be with …?" one husband asked, unable to finish his sentence. It made no difference that these men were patients in search of help, not Neanderthals who'd ditched their wives; the bloggers—many of whom are usually temperate—were outraged. "Would it hurt if I call you a big pussy?" one woman queried, adding, "Luckily for me, I didn't marry a total asshole, so I didn't have this problem." According to one post, a husband who finds his libido gone in the wake of the delivery room merits the same scorn we'd direct at a man who leaves a woman after finding out that she has a black grandparent.
Dr. Keith Ablow, the author of the article, certainly can be faulted for blithely suggesting that the solution lies mostly in mothers' hands. But what was nonetheless striking about the debate was the vehemence of the hostility directed at these men. The bloggers clearly felt that the men's desire (or lack of it) was objectively wrong, like that of a pedophile or a rapist, and ought somehow to be controllable. The animus against these men reflects just how powerful even relatively new cultural norms can be—and just how conflicted are our post-feminist ideas about what kind of imaginative relationship to the body is appropriate, and how much women are allowed to tell men what or what not to feel in the bedroom. .....
article here: http://www.slate.com/id/2125227/
original NY Times article: http://www.nytimes.com/2005/08/23/health/23case.html
further, especially the readers' comments at the bottom: http://crookedtimber.org/2005/08/23/childbirth-porn/
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| 30 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| VoVat |
Posted - 09/01/2005 : 17:45:04
If a man is so adverse to his wife giving birth, why did he get her pregnant in the first place? Granted, sometimes it's unintentional, but if a man has no problem with being a father, I don't see why they should have a problem with watching the birth.
I'm sure that, if I were in a situation where someone I had impregnated was giving birth, I'd be there. I hope I never find myself in that situation, though. Having kids terrifies me. Watching birth, well, I can see how it could make someone feel squeamish, but it's nothing compared to what's to follow, right?
I was all out of luck, like a duck that died. I was all out of juice, like a moose denied. |
| darwin |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 16:13:35
Different situation. My wife ended up having c-sections for both of our kids. I was in the operating room, but made a point of not looking at the surgery. I didn't want to pass out and I would rather not see my cut wide open. It wasn't the best of times for us.
Now I can understand why a man would be freaked by seeing a birth. It's intense (I've only seen videos). But, he should shut up and be a good partner. |
| fbc |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 15:48:46
w'oh! easy now newbie.
they got those during the pregnancy. |
| new_floop |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 15:45:43
what man would not want to share the most magical, precious moment of his entire life with his soul mate? any man who wouldn't is not a "man" in my opinion.
i think any woman who performs the miracle of child birth should have foot massages every day for the rest of her life |
| kathryn |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 15:29:32
It might be the beard, new_floop, maybe that's what's bothering floop.
Sometimes, no matter how shitty things get, you have to just do a little dance. - Frank
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| new_floop |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 15:26:09
quote:
Originally posted by floop
fuck new floop
is it really me you're angry at, or are you frustrated with something else in your life?
if you ever want to talk, i'm here for you buddy.. |
| kathryn |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 15:24:23
Give new floop the underscore and the respect he deserves!
Sometimes, no matter how shitty things get, you have to just do a little dance. - Frank
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| floop |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 15:22:45
fuck new floop |
| kathryn |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 15:22:22
You guys are so sensitive and englightened.
new_floop would be so proud.
Sometimes, no matter how shitty things get, you have to just do a little dance. - Frank
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| fbc |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 15:21:04
You know it floop. I've been thinking the same thing. |
| floop |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 15:16:18
i think any guy who claims to be less attracted to his wife after watching her give birth is probably just using that as an excuse for other problems going on in the relationship.. |
| fbc |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 15:05:46
Yep! we do have it easy. The least we can do is be there for the arrival of our own child. |
| Carl |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 14:51:00
I'm sure a lot of woman would like to watch they're husbands give birth. |
| Carolynanna |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 13:46:55
quote:
Originally posted by glacial906
How much more could you figuratively spit in your wife or girlfriend's face after she's gone through all that..? I can recall after my wife had our first child; a month or so later and we couldn't wait for her six-week checkup.
Signature censored by forum moderators.
Word
__________
Don't believe the hype. |
| One Who Hath Swum |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 13:04:33
I want to be there. Besides the conception, I can't think of a more appropriate place to be together.
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http://www.fournineproductions.com/musicpage.html I joined the cult of me. |
| glacial906 |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 13:00:13
Honestly, there are two aspects of it in my mind: One, birth is a beautiful process to watch and fills you with a sense of indescribable awe. Two, it is also a disgusting spectacle, because of all the blood and whatnot. But, once all that's over I find it immensely petty and self-centered that men, after watching their wives go through all the discomfort and inconvienience of pregnancy for nine months, and then having to give birth, would not find them sexually appealing anymore. I know they are just being honest, but come on. How much more could you figuratively spit in your wife or girlfriend's face after she's gone through all that..? I can recall after my wife had our first child; a month or so later and we couldn't wait for her six-week checkup.
Signature censored by forum moderators. |
| floop |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 08:57:08
i was there when LBF was born, but more to support LBF's mom.
also, i didn't want people to call me a "dead beat dad" |
| kathryn |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 07:41:16
Where I live there is a lot of bullshit pressure to have the perfect birthing experience.
There is a proscribed hagiography: the doting, unsqueamish dad is supposed to cut the cord, the ecstatic mom should welcome every labor contraction. And you are a failure if you don't have a beatific labor or if you take pain meds or have (gasp!) a C-section.
People lose sight of what matters -- having a healthy baby.
Sometimes, no matter how shitty things get, you have to just do a little dance. - Frank
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| Carolynanna |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 07:16:17
I couldn't get my husband to not look.
I wanted him to hold my hand and perhaps stroke my brow,
but its an unbelievable thing to watch.
I watched this time myself.
And I know that he's still attracted to me.
I personally don't get it, but the men's honesty is appreciated.
__________
Don't believe the hype. |
| Frog in the Sand |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 03:34:49
I watched my girlfriend give birth and I still feel attracted to her, thanks for asking.
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When will Lyle Workman find Frank again? |
| Homers_pet_monkey |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 03:06:26
I'd ask her beforehand.
 I'd walk her everyday, into a shady place
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| fbc |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 02:48:06
she's out of it. she's not aware of nothing but gas and air.
this is your decision, yours alone.
GO ON DADDY! DO IT! DO IT! CUT IT! CUT IT NOW! DO IT! GO ON! WUSS!
these words still echo around my brain |
| Homers_pet_monkey |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 02:28:45
I ask my fair maiden if she approves.
I'd walk her everyday, into a shady place
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| fbc |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 02:26:33
So what do you do when the midwife says "You wanna have a look? Ah, go on" and then you have these faces smiling at you thinking this is going to be the highlight of your night.
Then you're barged out the way as some complication arises. You find yourself surrounded in such a small room with no where to look then a voice says "You wanna cut the chord?" and before you can reply these "scissors" are put in your hand like it's your duty to cut the chord.
What do you do, Homers? |
| Homers_pet_monkey |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 02:20:13
quote:
Originally posted by bumblebeeboy2
quote:
Originally posted by danjersey
well if the mother of my child was giving birth to said child i would be there.
it's not polite to stare though
"You're constantly in a state of becoming"
indeed, hold the woman's hand (unless she's freakishly strong), stay at the top of the bed, the doctor/nurse (whoever) are at the other side, it's all under control, you don't need to see what's happening, you don't want to get in the way... and when baby frank pop outs, it's all good.
The Monkey Helper has had a make-over! http://www.monkeyhelper.co.uk (that is my band)
I agree.
I'd walk her everyday, into a shady place
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| fbc |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 02:14:24
I was there more for my girlfriend than me wanting to see the birth. It was a long night/day/night and what sort of man would i have been to have left her on her own. It never even entered my thoughts.
I did see the head crown, then all the blood on the floor. I saw my girfriend off her head on gas and air. Good shit apparantly.
quote:
According to one post, a husband who finds his libido gone in the wake of the delivery room merits the same scorn we'd direct at a man who leaves a woman after finding out that she has a black grandparent.
a man who finds his libido gone in the wake of the delivery will be just fine. The woman's isn't exactly all there either. Maybe the lack of sex and independance was a big factor in some men leaving their partners.
If the woman wants her man there than yes. He should be there. And I also think the woman should be thoughtful of the type of man she has a baby with. The man was probably a 'jerk' in the first place, irrespective of him seeing her squeeze out a human from inside.
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| starmekitten |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 01:59:45
I don't think I'd mind if they wanted to be there but they would be absolutely banned from the business end of things. I don't want to think of it let alone see it and there's no way I'm letting anyone but someone who has to, do that.
Reminds me though: Made me Cringe (disclaimer - link to BBC)
Brave young 'midwife' given award
An 11-year-old boy who helped his mother give birth to his baby sister is being presented with an award.
Nathan Parker acted as midwife when his mother Donna, 30, went into labour at their home in Leeds and realised she would not make it to hospital.
Despite admitting he was "quite scared" Nathan kept a cool head to deliver baby Olivia with the help of ambulance staff on the phone.
His 5lbs 10oz sister is now back at home after spending a week in hospital.
West Yorkshire Metropolitan Ambulance Service (Wymas) is giving Nathan the award.
Wymas operative Tracey Fletcher said: "When the pain got too bad Donna handed the phone to Nathan.
"He was wonderful and I have nothing but admiration for him. Most adults in that situation would have panicked so for an 11-year-old to keep cool is pretty amazing."
Baby Olivia was born within minutes of Mrs Parker making the 999 call and just before an ambulance crew arrived.
"I was quite scared because I could see my mum was in a lot of pain," said Nathan.
"But I tried to be brave and was so happy when Olivia was finally born."
Both parents said they could not be prouder of Nathan, who starts his first term at Colburn High School in September.
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So if the kid can do it....
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| whoreatthedoor |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 01:50:17
I have no strongs feelings to be there.
So that means I'm an asshole.
I can live with that though.
El amor es la distancia más larga entre un punto y otro |
| bumblebeeboy2 |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 01:31:17
quote:
Originally posted by danjersey
well if the mother of my child was giving birth to said child i would be there.
it's not polite to stare though
"You're constantly in a state of becoming"
indeed, hold the woman's hand (unless she's freakishly strong), stay at the top of the bed, the doctor/nurse (whoever) are at the other side, it's all under control, you don't need to see what's happening, you don't want to get in the way... and when baby frank pop outs, it's all good.
The Monkey Helper has had a make-over! http://www.monkeyhelper.co.uk (that is my band) |
| danjersey |
Posted - 08/29/2005 : 20:45:14
well if the mother of my child was giving birth to said child i would be there.
it's not polite to stare though
"You're constantly in a state of becoming" |
