| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| KimStanleyRobinson |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 16:41:45
For some, this is the deal breaker.
For some, it is unavoidable.
Can anyone say with full honesty that they have always done everything thing they said they were going to do?
Recently, I have found that I will drop the ball ever so often.
No one says anything, but I am absolutely certain that saying you are going to do something and then not doing it makes changes in a relationship that are not good...to make a bit of an understatement.
Yes, I feel guilty.
I haven't caused anyone any harm or anything like that, I just am realizing that I do this ever so often and it makes me feel like shit.
How many chances to you guys give losers like me before you shut them out? |
| 16 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| KimStanleyRobinson |
Posted - 02/02/2005 : 06:50:12
Well, thanks folks.
I realize this is a case by case thing and that the more comfortable I am in my skin about things the better off I'll be generally.
Daisy, yours is what I was looking for I think. Sometimes you just have to say no.
This thread wasn't started because I screwed something up royally, it just popped up after I read an old email and realized I had never done what i said I was going to do...and then started to think about all the things I've said I would do and then didn't do and then wondered if this was a factor in my spending Saturday nights reading old scifi books and drinking ginger ale.
Oh, and yeah - of course I've got all kinds of crap boiling just below the surface that I need to talk about. Everyone does, don't they? Unless one of you is a certified psychiatrist that wants to do some pro bono work, then you probably aren't qualified to deal with it...but thank you for your concern.
Hands on the wheel, eyes straight ahead.
I got it.
"I'm so happy, cause today I found my friends..." |
| Superabounder |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 21:51:11
quote:
Originally posted by Daisy Girl
KSR...
I think one of of the things I try to work on is not being overcommitted. By saying yes to all these things when I am busy, its a set up not to let them happen. So I try to be more realistic now :)
Here, here. That is exactly what I was going to say as I read this thread. I think you could also make sure you were very organized if it was something at work that you promised so that you don't forget some task (keep a daily list or day-runner kind of thing).
If it is in a relationship, just make sure that you are not getting trapped into doing something that you legitimately do not like or want to do. If you're doing it just because they want you to, it may breed resentment in you. Instead, you could just honestly decline and perhaps come up with some compromise so that you still meet some of both of your needs. BTW, now that I think about it, my not painting the bathroom fucked my marriage.(minor last straw)
I know that a lot of what I say has been lifted off of men's room walls |
| Daisy Girl |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 19:29:45
KSR...
I can't possibly count how many times I said I would do something and I flaked.
But I would say that 99.5% of the time I don't.
It's not worth beating your self up. Everyone screws up. Heck... Look at GWB 
I think one of of the things I try to work on is not being overcommitted. By saying yes to all these things when I am busy, its a set up not to let them happen. So I try to be more realistic now :)
Hang in there man. I don't think you're a flake or a screw up. |
| starmekitten |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 18:55:52
No one keeps their word all the time, no one. Most of the time it's for good reason, sometimes it just plain can't be helped. Try not to beat yourself up about it, don't dwell on the fuck ups because it gets no one anywhere. [platitude] Learn from your mistakes [/platitude] If you feel like you've let a particular person down make it up and be as tight with your word as you can be in the future.
I get let down a lot by people, and it used to cut me up but most of the time I forgive them (because I love them) and the only time I never forgave people who made a habit of doing this was if they had no good reason made no apology and were flippant with my feelings. The act of being let down is no where near as hurtful as the realisation that they just plain don't care. The fact this bugs you shows you do care so second chances surely won't be the issue. People only cut the dead wood and caring doesn't suggest dead wood to me.
I doubt you would let someone down intentionally or with ill intent because you don't seem the type (sure you're nuts but you're no bastard) you'll be just fine.
:) <--- smiley look!
you
me
we used to be on fire |
| kathryn |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 18:37:27
quote:
Originally posted by Carolynanna
Its especially important to not make promises to your kids and then not keep them. They take it extra hard.
Otherwise KSR, I think everyone has done this from time to time.
Listen to our wise friend from the North, KSR. Listen to her,
for she speaks the truth and is wise and is right.
 I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank |
| Carolynanna |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 18:10:31
It all depends on a few things;
-How close the person is to you.
If someone you don't know too well promises something there's a real good chance it won't happen. But if your best friend says something and then totally doesn't do it, well that smarts.
-How important/meaningful the promise was to you.
Too many examples...
-How much you were depending on the act being carried out.
For example, when my father-in-law told us a few years ago that he would help us with our down payment for sure and then after house hunting said yeah I changed my mind, yeah that pissed me off.
I've come to realize that alot of the things people say they're going to do for you is not going to happen, or at least this is my experience so I try not to expect anything if anyone promises anything and if it happens well then yeehaw. If it falls into one of the above categories then I get a little bitter.
__________
Godfather of nothing, ancesters of none.
Black glasses and feedback took my sense of fun.
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| Cult_Of_Frank |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 17:32:30
Alright, sorry, I'll answer your actual question. :)
It does bother me (though in the examples listed above, not terribly) but I can't think of many things I've told people I'd do that I didn't eventually get around to or still plan to. If I said I would and never did, disappointing whoever I had told that to, I'd feel bad for sure, and I know that's happened a few times even if I can't think of many examples. Even little things where I didn't even tell people I'd do them, like shovelling the walk/driveway, and then finding out someone else did it makes me feel bad. But it happens.
It does aggravate me when other people do it, though. It's one thing if they have a valid reason for not doing it, or even if they at least looked into it/put in effort, but when there's not even effort or thought, it can get upsetting.
I'd say overall the answer to your question is that it depends on the context.
"Join the Cult of Frank 2.0 / And you'll be enlightened (free for 1.x members)" |
| Sir Rockabye |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 17:30:11
I think that there are varying degrees to which this affects me; keeping my word that is. Sometimes I will casually give it, without thinking about the possible repercussions. I feel pretty stupid after doing something like that, especially because I try and be the type that keeps their word. If the promise that I make to someone is consequential to them, I feel much worst about breaking my word. Sometimes though, when one gives their word, they are promising something that is somewhat inconsequential, in this case meaning that it doesn't have a big effect on the person to whom it was promised. I guess what I'm saying is that I feel pretty awful sometimes when I break a promise that I make to someone, when I know that the promise was important to them. Other times I recognize that my word wasn't very important, and try not to dwell on it.
I do my best to keep my word religiously, but I find it hard to do. I'm sure I often break my promise without a malicious intent to. These forgotten promises are easy to brush off and not get torn up about. When I realize that I'm breaking one though, and consciously break it, I find it harder to get over.
I think HPM was right when he said that it sounded like there was something you would like to talk about besides peoples' words. Maybe you'd rather not voice your opinion over the forum, but it does sound like you are distressed about this promise you broke. If I'm mistaken, well dumb me, but if not, good luck in getting everything resolved.
I will never say the word procrastinate again, I'll never see myself in the mirror with my eyes closed. |
| KimStanleyRobinson |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 17:18:17
Do you get all torn up about it or does it just roll off or is it somewhere on the middle?
How do you feel about other people that do it to you? |
| Cult_Of_Frank |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 17:10:47
I have ALWAYS done everything I said I'd do. Always.
For example, the new FTP site. Or the revised look of the forum. Or updating the biographies. Or...
"Join the Cult of Frank 2.0 / And you'll be enlightened (free for 1.x members)" |
| KimStanleyRobinson |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 17:06:32
Its not vague, HPM.
Perhaps I should rephrase the question:
"How do you feel about people that do not keep their word?"
I want to hear from people who keep their word religiously and from those that occaisionally break it...like me. |
| Homers_pet_monkey |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 17:00:13
Erm OK Kim, maybe I'm reading this wrong, but were you annoyed at me there?
I was being serious, it seems like you want to talk about something more specific. Your topic seems pretty vague to me.
Love, love, my season |
| floop |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 16:49:04
don't be so hard on yourself
ist es möglich für ein quesadilla skrotum zu lecken? beim sprechen der quesadillas von LBF, ja. ja in der tatheheheheheheehehee! |
| Carolynanna |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 16:49:04
Its especially important to not make promises to your kids and then not keep them. They take it extra hard.
Otherwise KSR, I think everyone has done this from time to time.
__________
Godfather of nothing, ancesters of none.
Black glasses and feedback took my sense of fun.
|
| KimStanleyRobinson |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 16:47:32
No, I want YOU to talk.
Hence the QUESTION MARK at the end of the sentence. |
| Homers_pet_monkey |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 16:46:16
Do you wanna talk?
Love, love, my season |
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