| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| kathryn |
Posted - 10/29/2004 : 09:35:28
Aries: March 21 - April 19
Wrap your brain around this one, Aries: Gloria Steinem is an Aries and so are superwomen Erica Jong and Maya Angelou. However, so is Robert Downey Jr. Point being, this is going to be
one of those weeks, full of contradiction and frustration. Try to get
through it without exhibiting too much of that Aries stubbornness the rest of the signs hate about you. (Yeah, the astrologer knows
that a certain musician is an Aries. A certain musician who doesn’t forsee the Catholics getting back together!)
Taurus: April 20 - May 20
How personally should you take the fact that Tony Blair shares your astrological sign, Taurus? More to the point, how long are you going to mope around taking everything personally and annoying the rest of us with your moodiness? Do everyone a favor and stop personalizing things. Have a relaxing drink and put on Frankblackfrancis or your ill-gotten, premastered copy of Honeycomb. Do whatever will spare the rest of us your bullish aggression. (To be fair, yes, we do believe you when you say you’ll buy three copies when the official Honeycomb is released.)
Gemini: May 21 - June 21
It’s hard for you not to feel unstable these days, Gemini. Just consider the fact that you share your sun sign with such major flakes as Alanis Morissette, Melanie “Scary Spice” Brown, the artist currently known as Prince and, the freakiest flake ever, Anne Heche. (Dare we mention that the Deal twins are Geminis? Or that Joey Santiago’s birthday is the day after theirs? No, we dare not, for fear of further destabilizing you.) Here’s one suggestion for you on this especially tumultuous week: try to spend more time with a Leo. Their arrogance and self-confidence makes them steady as a rock. That stability is what you’ll need in the coming days, babe.
Cancer: June 22 - July 22
If this week someone gives you a hard time about your being so obsequiously kind (trust your forum astrologer, this week someone will give you a hard time about your being so obsequiously nice) remind them that you share a sign with that very caring soul, His Holiness the Dalai Lama. Admit it, Cancer, isn’t that what you’re trying to do most of the time by being so damned nice -- manipulate people into submission and silence? Just don’t tell anyone that George W. Bush was born on July 6, making him a Cancer, just like you, pal.
Leo: July 23 - Aug. 22
Here is all anybody needs to know to truly understand you, Leo, who is ruled not just by the sun but by your own inexplicably inappropriate sexual energy: Both Monica Lewinsky and Bill Clinton are Leos. ’Nuff said.
Virgo: Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
Some of the most notorious control freaks are Virgos. Back when The Pretenders were good (yes, there was such a time), her bandmates called Chrissie Hynde their favorite dictator. Here is how this relates to you this week: what you deem fact-based necessity could be just a triviality for the rest of us, and any attempt on your behalf to push the matter will only convince others that you really are just a totalitarian control freak and other things that this forum’s moderators would rather we didn’t say here.
Libra: Sept. 23 - Oct. 22
If you Libras are supposedly all about harmony and balance, how come you harbor Tommy Lee among your ilk? This question is posed to each of you as a means to help shepherd you through this upcoming week, which promises to be full of wickedness, mayhem and, if you don’t watch yourself, an arrest or two.
Scorpio: Oct. 23 - Nov. 21
The rest of us sun signs keep hearing about that legendary Scorpio sexual energy. We can only imagine how difficult it must be to be humble when you share your astrological sign with such sexual powerhouses as Prince Charles, Danny DeVito, Bill Gates and both Larry King and Larry Flynt. If you’re wondering about the obvious omission of female Scorpios from the above list, here
is a one-word answer for you: Roseanne. This, Scorpio, is a metaphor for what the week ahead holds in store for you: don’t whine too much about what you are missing because you are better off not knowing what that is.
Sagittarius: Nov. 22 - Dec. 21 John-John was a Sag. So was Jimi Hendrix. Not every Sagittarius met an untimely death. You are guaranteed much success and health, especially during the upcoming week, which is brimming with positive aspects. Hell, how bad can life be when you share a sign with David Lovering and Paul Simonon?
Capricorn: Dec. 22 - Jan. 19
You guys are known for your quirky style. The following iconoclastic trailblazers are Caps: Adrian Belew, Michael Stipe and David Bowie. All you have to do this week is decide how to channel your funky energy.
Aquarius: Jan. 2 0 - Feb. 18
It’s hard not too feel confused when you share an astrological sign with both Justin Timberlake and Ayn Rand. This week will leave you feeling more confused than ever. Try to sleep through it.
 I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank |
| 15 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| kathryn |
Posted - 11/09/2004 : 17:45:11
quote:
Originally posted by GypsyDeath
Yeah, screw you. Scorpios rock, and it quite clearly is jealousy, at the fact that youll never know the sexual passion that we scorpios enjoy (and give).
God forbid I exude confidence and enjoy sex
Honey, I spent a decade of my life making the eight-limbed
beast with a Scorpio. A very satisfying decade. It's not jealousy. It's knowledge.
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank |
| n/a |
Posted - 11/09/2004 : 15:36:41
Besides, I heard Prince Charles is a right goer
Frank Black ate my hamster |
| GypsyDeath |
Posted - 11/09/2004 : 13:52:21
quote:
Originally posted by Tre
quote:
Originally posted by kathryn
Scorpio: Oct. 23 - Nov. 21
The rest of us sun signs keep hearing about that legendary Scorpio sexual energy. We can only imagine how difficult it must be to be humble when you share your astrological sign with such sexual powerhouses as Prince Charles, Danny DeVito, Bill Gates and both Larry King and Larry Flynt. If you’re wondering about the obvious omission of female Scorpios from the above list, here
is a one-word answer for you: Roseanne. This, Scorpio, is a metaphor for what the week ahead holds in store for you: don’t whine too much about what you are missing because you are better off not knowing what that is.
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank
smacks of jealousy if you ask me
Frank Black ate my hamster
Yeah, screw you. Scorpios rock, and it quite clearly is jealousy, at the fact that youll never know the sexual passion that we scorpios enjoy (and give).
God forbid I exude confidence and enjoy sex |
| Coldheartofstone |
Posted - 11/09/2004 : 12:15:21
What...No Pisces??
He is in the music business, he is calling you DUDE! |
| n/a |
Posted - 11/09/2004 : 12:09:20
quote:
Originally posted by kathryn
Scorpio: Oct. 23 - Nov. 21
The rest of us sun signs keep hearing about that legendary Scorpio sexual energy. We can only imagine how difficult it must be to be humble when you share your astrological sign with such sexual powerhouses as Prince Charles, Danny DeVito, Bill Gates and both Larry King and Larry Flynt. If you’re wondering about the obvious omission of female Scorpios from the above list, here
is a one-word answer for you: Roseanne. This, Scorpio, is a metaphor for what the week ahead holds in store for you: don’t whine too much about what you are missing because you are better off not knowing what that is.
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank
smacks of jealousy if you ask me
Frank Black ate my hamster |
| Coldheartofstone |
Posted - 11/09/2004 : 11:57:08
quote:
Originally posted by kathryn
[b]Sagittarius: Nov. 22 - Dec. 21 John-John was a Sag. So was Jimi Hendrix. Not every Sagittarius met an untimely death. You are guaranteed much success and health, especially during the upcoming week, which is brimming with positive aspects. Hell, how bad can life be when you share a sign with David Lovering and Paul Simonon?
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank
Success and Health?? I'm broke...and I have the flu... DAMNIT!
Come on universe... let's get on the same page here.
He is in the music business, he is calling you DUDE! |
| PsychicTwin |
Posted - 11/09/2004 : 11:48:07
{Leo: July 23 - Aug. 22
Here is all anybody needs to know to truly understand you, Leo, who is ruled not just by the sun but by your own inexplicably inappropriate sexual energy: Both Monica Lewinsky and Bill Clinton are Leos. ’Nuff said.}
my last few days have definitely been an indication of this. as far as "inapporopriate", I don't really see that
|
| kathryn |
Posted - 10/29/2004 : 11:26:35
quote:
Originally posted by Tre
Fuck that horoscope, Scorpio Tre spits at it, SPITS
Frank Black ate my hamster
Dear Scorpio
This astrologer is confused. What are you upset about?
Being revealed to share an astrological sign with Bill Gates?
Or perhaps you didn't care to be told not to whine to much in the coming week? Can't you handle one little, seven-day week of no whining?
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank |
| kathryn |
Posted - 10/29/2004 : 11:23:28
Dear Gemini, I am sorry to say but you kinda lost me there.
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank |
| n/a |
Posted - 10/29/2004 : 11:23:07
Fuck that horoscope, Scorpio Tre spits at it, SPITS
Frank Black ate my hamster |
| KimStanleyRobinson |
Posted - 10/29/2004 : 11:17:26
Because they don't want to or can't understand.
"Dad, can I borrow the car?"
"Sure - just be home by midnight and fill the tank."
No kid till 2 am and the tank is empty...and the kid is in bed hungover at 2PM.
Is dad a flipflopper when he says "Ok - I was wrong to let you borrow the car."?
Nope. |
| kathryn |
Posted - 10/29/2004 : 11:10:38
John Kerry's a Sag.
And I have no idea why Bush has been so successful in getting
people to buy this business about flip-flopping.
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank |
| KimStanleyRobinson |
Posted - 10/29/2004 : 11:03:25
Well, yeah!
See, you're such a self-centered Leo you couldn't even tell!
Wonder if Kerry is a Gemini? He could use that to explain the flip-flop thing.
Oh the DUALITY!!! |
| kathryn |
Posted - 10/29/2004 : 10:45:56
KSR, you are using the correct adjectives to describe Leos. I should know.
I am not just the forum's self-proclaimed official astrologer but a Leo. If that's not self-centered enough, I don't know what is!
So you're saying you're a Gemini?
I still believe in the excellent joy of the Frank |
| KimStanleyRobinson |
Posted - 10/29/2004 : 09:43:02
quote:
Originally posted by kathryn
[b]Gemini: May 21 - June 21
It’s hard for you not to feel unstable these days, Gemini. Just consider the fact that you share your sun sign with such major flakes as Alanis Morissette, Melanie “Scary Spice” Brown, the artist currently known as Prince and, the freakiest flake ever, Anne Heche. (Dare we mention that the Deal twins are Geminis? Or that Joey Santiago’s birthday is the day after theirs? No, we dare not, for fear of further destabilizing you.) Here’s one suggestion for you on this especially tumultuous week: try to spend more time with a Leo. Their arrogance and self-confidence makes them steady as a rock. That stability is what you’ll need in the coming days, babe.
Oh hell yeah, Geminis -lets have a whoohoo!
However, part of this advice is flawed. Stay away from the Leos. My son's mother is a Leo...ohhh boy does she ever play that card to make excuses for all her narcissistic, self centered bullshit. I have other excuses for mine.  |
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